Back to drinking again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
Back to drinking again
Hello,
It's my first post here and I would first like to thank all of you for this website. It helps a lot to read from people who have the same problem as you.
A little on me. I am french, 29, have what is commonly regarded as a nice independant job( even if it desn't pay much this year ). My life is pretty cool except when alcohol comes into the picture.
I have never been an every day alcoholic. The most I drank was perhaps every 2 days when I was 25( One night drunk/ One night with headache ), but like a lot of you I am sure, I never stop until I pass out. Over the last 4 years, I gradually stopped drinking and it came with a lot of night dramas. When I only drink once a month or so, you can be sure that the night in question will be full of unfunny stuff( fights, being escorted out of clubs, drink and drive...). At the end of 2010, after a particular drunk night when I got mugged in a foreign country and ended up with no payment means, I decided to definitely stop drinking. It lasted 3 months. One day in February 2011, I lost a lot of money at my job and found a Jack Daniels bottle...At the end of August, I was back at my highest drinking level and after a 3 day binge, I stopped again... After 2 months and a half, I lost money again and bam... There was some pastis hidden in the kitchen... On January the 8th, after a dinner where I ended insulting a relative, I stopped again.
This time it was really smooth, too smooth in fact. I wasn't even thinking about drinking, it was like I was no longer an alcaholic...But last week, I was just bored, had no reason to drink but I accepted a whisky from my brother. Yesterday, I drank 12 beers, two bottle of wine and some shots of an alcohol made to cook( not even drinkable normally ).
I have a serious problem with the 3 months threshold. I don't feel the depression of being an alcoholic again right now, but I know it will come if I continue.I don't want something serious to happen. Please help me stop again.
Anthony
It's my first post here and I would first like to thank all of you for this website. It helps a lot to read from people who have the same problem as you.
A little on me. I am french, 29, have what is commonly regarded as a nice independant job( even if it desn't pay much this year ). My life is pretty cool except when alcohol comes into the picture.
I have never been an every day alcoholic. The most I drank was perhaps every 2 days when I was 25( One night drunk/ One night with headache ), but like a lot of you I am sure, I never stop until I pass out. Over the last 4 years, I gradually stopped drinking and it came with a lot of night dramas. When I only drink once a month or so, you can be sure that the night in question will be full of unfunny stuff( fights, being escorted out of clubs, drink and drive...). At the end of 2010, after a particular drunk night when I got mugged in a foreign country and ended up with no payment means, I decided to definitely stop drinking. It lasted 3 months. One day in February 2011, I lost a lot of money at my job and found a Jack Daniels bottle...At the end of August, I was back at my highest drinking level and after a 3 day binge, I stopped again... After 2 months and a half, I lost money again and bam... There was some pastis hidden in the kitchen... On January the 8th, after a dinner where I ended insulting a relative, I stopped again.
This time it was really smooth, too smooth in fact. I wasn't even thinking about drinking, it was like I was no longer an alcaholic...But last week, I was just bored, had no reason to drink but I accepted a whisky from my brother. Yesterday, I drank 12 beers, two bottle of wine and some shots of an alcohol made to cook( not even drinkable normally ).
I have a serious problem with the 3 months threshold. I don't feel the depression of being an alcoholic again right now, but I know it will come if I continue.I don't want something serious to happen. Please help me stop again.
Anthony
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Anthony (my Fathers name too ;-)
to SR, you will find a lot of support here. Many of us have had similar problems & challenges and made changes in our lives with some committed effort & commitment to sobriety.
You can too, we are here for you
to SR, you will find a lot of support here. Many of us have had similar problems & challenges and made changes in our lives with some committed effort & commitment to sobriety. You can too, we are here for you
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Welcome to SR!
Get to a doctor and ask about detoxing. Then maybe find a recovery program like AA or AVRT. It only gets worse and worse, as you've written. One doesn't need to drink daily to be an alcoholic. Once I have the first drink, that is when all control over alcohol is lost; this makes me an alcoholic. You need to decide for yourself if you are an alcoholic.
Read Alcoholics Anonymous (it's online and in an audio version). Also XA-Speakers - The lights are on! has speaker tapes. See if you can identify with anything they say. Paul O. was a doctor, the guy who was the first airline pilot to be flying drunk and get caught is on there, many others are there under Alcoholics Anonymous.
AVRT can be searched online for that program.
It sounds like you've already had serious consequences. How much worse do you want it to get?
I wish you sobriety!
Get to a doctor and ask about detoxing. Then maybe find a recovery program like AA or AVRT. It only gets worse and worse, as you've written. One doesn't need to drink daily to be an alcoholic. Once I have the first drink, that is when all control over alcohol is lost; this makes me an alcoholic. You need to decide for yourself if you are an alcoholic.
Read Alcoholics Anonymous (it's online and in an audio version). Also XA-Speakers - The lights are on! has speaker tapes. See if you can identify with anything they say. Paul O. was a doctor, the guy who was the first airline pilot to be flying drunk and get caught is on there, many others are there under Alcoholics Anonymous.
AVRT can be searched online for that program.
It sounds like you've already had serious consequences. How much worse do you want it to get?
I wish you sobriety!
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Welcome Anthony. Hope you succeed with SR. In my meeting in AA today, the talk was about never taking that first drink. That is the one that does the damage, no matter how inviting it looks, if you dont have the first one, you wont have any others. I arm myself with that thought, and couple it with the resolve that I am not going to drink today (tomorrow I will think the same) but just taking things one day at a time, and I know it is a cliche, works. And hell, if it works for me, I do it.
I hope you find what works for you
Billy
I hope you find what works for you
Billy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
Welcome Anthony 
I found being a part of this website really helped keep me focused and committed, especially when in the past I'd lost my determination to stay sober after a while.
SR helped me turn my life around.
I hope you'll find we help you turn your life around too
D
I found being a part of this website really helped keep me focused and committed, especially when in the past I'd lost my determination to stay sober after a while.
SR helped me turn my life around.
I hope you'll find we help you turn your life around too
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
TTJ
I think we are designed to forget. It is impossible to remember what things really felt like even though we know the 'facts'.
Coming to SR every day has helped me stay on track- I think reminders, support when our thinking is irrational are the main reasons it really helpes. Others will suggest meetings.
Whatever the reason coming to SR has got me my longest period of sobriety- it works
I think we are designed to forget. It is impossible to remember what things really felt like even though we know the 'facts'.
Coming to SR every day has helped me stay on track- I think reminders, support when our thinking is irrational are the main reasons it really helpes. Others will suggest meetings.
Whatever the reason coming to SR has got me my longest period of sobriety- it works
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: France
Posts: 74
Salut TTJ,
I'm in France, I love it!
I've gone 'out' with friends and ended up being arrested in nyc and not even remembering it, told family members they are fat or bigoted or stupid and not remembering it, and the reason I'm here - is I risked my own childs safety by picking her up from school and not remembering it. My problem like yours (perhaps not with the same blackouts) is that I just can't stop, I can't ever be moderate and even when its looking okay, sooner or later there comes that inevitable night where you F*ck it all up!?
I'm here 4 days, I want it to be 40 years... I know that. I have tried to stop and not got past a point in the past (usually a month) - but I'm going to stick around, I hope you do too - and try to break the 3 month cycle - and more...
I think we'll gain more respect from our family and friends - and most of all ourselves - when we're not piecing together unsafe behavior or worst - paying the consequences.
Welcome to SR, it's so good you came here for support - there is so much here...
I'm in France, I love it!
I've gone 'out' with friends and ended up being arrested in nyc and not even remembering it, told family members they are fat or bigoted or stupid and not remembering it, and the reason I'm here - is I risked my own childs safety by picking her up from school and not remembering it. My problem like yours (perhaps not with the same blackouts) is that I just can't stop, I can't ever be moderate and even when its looking okay, sooner or later there comes that inevitable night where you F*ck it all up!?
I'm here 4 days, I want it to be 40 years... I know that. I have tried to stop and not got past a point in the past (usually a month) - but I'm going to stick around, I hope you do too - and try to break the 3 month cycle - and more...
I think we'll gain more respect from our family and friends - and most of all ourselves - when we're not piecing together unsafe behavior or worst - paying the consequences.
Welcome to SR, it's so good you came here for support - there is so much here...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome Anthony
I found being a part of this website really helped keep me focused and committed, especially when in the past I'd lost my determination to stay sober after a while.
SR helped me turn my life around.
I hope you'll find we help you turn your life around too
D
I found being a part of this website really helped keep me focused and committed, especially when in the past I'd lost my determination to stay sober after a while.
SR helped me turn my life around.
I hope you'll find we help you turn your life around too
D
Coming here several times a day reminds me of why I need to stay away from alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 202
welcome to sr.com ! I remember my struggles when I first s topped drinking. I had made many promises to quit last year and I just didn't stop. I kept drinking every other day, sometimes I had a 3 day binge. My last drunk was a 4 day bender in which I didn't stop drinking non stop, I was scared to sober up because the effects of a withdrawal were building up and in my illusion I believed I could avoid the withdrawal by continuing to drink but then I got afraid to even leave my room as I got drunk even more. One point I had to go to the washroom and was tooooo drunk to even walk up the stairs from my basement bedroom that I found an empty 2 litre diet coke bottle and proceeded to go the washroom in it, very low point in my life.... it's scary to reflect back and remember how much of a mess I was, my room stank of vomit.... one point I had small kitchen garbage bags full of vomit and couldn't rid of them with my room mates upstairs so they sat in my room for the 4 day bender... So drunk that I even knocked one open all over the wall 
it was gross and had to clean it up quickly while drunk and downing straight liquor from a bottle while going insane.
You're on the right path my friend, but you're going to really want to have it if you are to succeed. Have you admitted to yourself yet that you're powerless over alcohol that life is becoming unmanageable? It takes alot for a man to admit his defeat because we pride in ourselves in being the strongest in the world when really in reality we are just as sensitive as our most important female species on this planet. I had to really sit down and cry it out and beg for help from my higher power and show my seriousness that I wanted to stay sober one day at a time and he answered me right away.... now this time it wasn't a happy oh thank god lesson. I had to go through alot of hardships to get back on my feet. Moving back home to my parents was one of them, another was the fact that I had to go by rules there and for some time I wasn't allowed to go to places unless they were around with me or my brother wanted to treat me to a movie night. I also suffered at my job because during the summer I was on night shift last year and I really messed up. I thought I could drink all night, sleep all day and be ready for work at 10pm at night.... wrong.... sometimes I'd even drink right till my shift and I couldn't go because I was drunk so I had to call in "sick". it worked for awhile until I called in too much and m y boss was getting annoyed with me. When I finally admitted my wrong use of alcohol he was unpleased. I did this at least 3 or 4 times to him and he finally had enough, my nite crew co workers even had enough of it and they all joined together to tell my boss they refuse to work with me because they were so pissed at my failure to show up. They even threatened they would refuse to come to work if they see me there. So he took me off the night shift and put me back on days. And I believe deep down, I was more then happy to return to days, I found nite shift so depressing and it didn't help a recovering alcoholic like myself to be confined to a small bedroom at night with no one to talk to.
I've been sober for 10 months now myself, the longest I ever been sober since I joined AA 4 years ago. I'm 27 myself and haven't found the means to stop drinking until now. When I first joined AA I stayed sober for 9 months, everyone thought I was normal again so I was allowed to drink a bit at gatherings, always managed to find a way to sneak in more booze in my body by predrinking or drinking someone elses booze. SO I had to reset my dry date when I realized I had to that every time I picked up again. At first I didn't really care and I brushed off AA, I went to meetings, but I sat there and looked at my watch not paying any mind to the speaker and just wanting to leave, I was even asked to read and I always said no, even got mad once when a member asked why I wont read and told them because I can do whatever I want I'm here right?
Anyways. So I haven't had an urge to drink again, but that doesn't mean I'm recovered, I feel it's a life long situation where I need to maintain my guard and be on the lookout for temptations. Back in September of 2011 I met a beautiful girl when I came back for my first day shift and we talked in the lunch room. Little did I know she was the girl I thought was cute back in 2006 while shopping with her family and she said hi to me as she passed by me so long ago. I only discovered it when I met her father when we decided to start dating. Her and I have been together for 7 months now and I've never been happier, I finally decided to tell her about my alcoholism and AA one day because it was driving me nuts that she thought she knew everything about me when she didn't for the past 7 months. I was afraid but I let it out as we sat outside one day for lunch and after 25 minutes of talking I looked at her in the eyes and waited for her response, she never took her eyes off of me and said "Hug me.... thank you for telling me this." she was smiling but soothing at the same time as I wrapped my arms around her I was going to burst out crying when she asked me "So how do you feel now that you told me this?" and I ended up laughing and said "You have no idea how good I feel right now! I wanted to tell you but was afraid you'd not understand and leave me!" She shook her head and said she wasn't going to leave me, that she didn't judge me for my past and that moving forward is what ultimately counts and that at least I'm doing something about it to get better. See how it works so well? If you want it you can have it! You just need to work hard because it don't come easy. It requires work and dedication. Good luck and I hope you find help and get what you deserve... peace.
it was gross and had to clean it up quickly while drunk and downing straight liquor from a bottle while going insane.You're on the right path my friend, but you're going to really want to have it if you are to succeed. Have you admitted to yourself yet that you're powerless over alcohol that life is becoming unmanageable? It takes alot for a man to admit his defeat because we pride in ourselves in being the strongest in the world when really in reality we are just as sensitive as our most important female species on this planet. I had to really sit down and cry it out and beg for help from my higher power and show my seriousness that I wanted to stay sober one day at a time and he answered me right away.... now this time it wasn't a happy oh thank god lesson. I had to go through alot of hardships to get back on my feet. Moving back home to my parents was one of them, another was the fact that I had to go by rules there and for some time I wasn't allowed to go to places unless they were around with me or my brother wanted to treat me to a movie night. I also suffered at my job because during the summer I was on night shift last year and I really messed up. I thought I could drink all night, sleep all day and be ready for work at 10pm at night.... wrong.... sometimes I'd even drink right till my shift and I couldn't go because I was drunk so I had to call in "sick". it worked for awhile until I called in too much and m y boss was getting annoyed with me. When I finally admitted my wrong use of alcohol he was unpleased. I did this at least 3 or 4 times to him and he finally had enough, my nite crew co workers even had enough of it and they all joined together to tell my boss they refuse to work with me because they were so pissed at my failure to show up. They even threatened they would refuse to come to work if they see me there. So he took me off the night shift and put me back on days. And I believe deep down, I was more then happy to return to days, I found nite shift so depressing and it didn't help a recovering alcoholic like myself to be confined to a small bedroom at night with no one to talk to.
I've been sober for 10 months now myself, the longest I ever been sober since I joined AA 4 years ago. I'm 27 myself and haven't found the means to stop drinking until now. When I first joined AA I stayed sober for 9 months, everyone thought I was normal again so I was allowed to drink a bit at gatherings, always managed to find a way to sneak in more booze in my body by predrinking or drinking someone elses booze. SO I had to reset my dry date when I realized I had to that every time I picked up again. At first I didn't really care and I brushed off AA, I went to meetings, but I sat there and looked at my watch not paying any mind to the speaker and just wanting to leave, I was even asked to read and I always said no, even got mad once when a member asked why I wont read and told them because I can do whatever I want I'm here right?
Anyways. So I haven't had an urge to drink again, but that doesn't mean I'm recovered, I feel it's a life long situation where I need to maintain my guard and be on the lookout for temptations. Back in September of 2011 I met a beautiful girl when I came back for my first day shift and we talked in the lunch room. Little did I know she was the girl I thought was cute back in 2006 while shopping with her family and she said hi to me as she passed by me so long ago. I only discovered it when I met her father when we decided to start dating. Her and I have been together for 7 months now and I've never been happier, I finally decided to tell her about my alcoholism and AA one day because it was driving me nuts that she thought she knew everything about me when she didn't for the past 7 months. I was afraid but I let it out as we sat outside one day for lunch and after 25 minutes of talking I looked at her in the eyes and waited for her response, she never took her eyes off of me and said "Hug me.... thank you for telling me this." she was smiling but soothing at the same time as I wrapped my arms around her I was going to burst out crying when she asked me "So how do you feel now that you told me this?" and I ended up laughing and said "You have no idea how good I feel right now! I wanted to tell you but was afraid you'd not understand and leave me!" She shook her head and said she wasn't going to leave me, that she didn't judge me for my past and that moving forward is what ultimately counts and that at least I'm doing something about it to get better. See how it works so well? If you want it you can have it! You just need to work hard because it don't come easy. It requires work and dedication. Good luck and I hope you find help and get what you deserve... peace.
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