sunflower100

In 2004 the love of my life said to me " I don't like you when you drink." I had known for quite a few years that I had a problem. What I didn't know was that I'm an alcoholic! I stopped using drugs in 1992 when I made that decision. Looking back, I thought I could / would eventually do that with alcohol. By 2005 my life was so unmanageable and I didn't even know it. I thank my HP for my love giving me a choice, "Me ? or alcohol?" It was then that I realized I could NOT stop no matter how hard I tried. I had lost control. What had been my friend for 25+ yrs had stabbed me in the back. I had been betrayed and my heart was breaking! I had come to what is known as the jumping off place. I could no longer drink but didn't know how to NOT drink. Alcohol was killing me, in more ways than just physical. It had taken over my life and I didn't even know it. That's where the 'cunning, baffling, and powerful' comes into play for me.

In late June 2005 I came to this website after Googling "alcoholism" about 1000 times. I guess I thought educating myself would be a start. I laugh at that one now! Little did I know that I couldn't do it alone. The folks here, on MIP back then, supported me, sympathized and empathized with me and most importantly they encouraged me to try an AA meeting. I attended my 1st meeting on Sunday, July 2nd. It was a speaker meeting and I identified with EVERYTHING that guy said. WOW! I really wasn't alone.

It took me another 3 yrs of binging from time to time to finally ACCEPT that I am an alcoholic, that I will always be an alcoholic and the only thing I can do about it is don't drink, just for today. Acceptance and one day at the time finally sank in, and the craving for alcohol was lifted.

On March 22 of this year I somehow managed to put together 18 months of 24 hours. I attend meetings regularly, I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, I am involved with AA. I no longer ride on the edge. I'm right smack in the middle of it all.


Life is good today! No matter how hard things get, can be, I know there is NOTHING that a drink will make better.


Thank you all for being here. And for letting me share from my heart.

CarolD

Thanks for letting us know part of your story...Welcome...
Well done on your progress..

LoftyIdeals

Thank you for sharing, sunflower. Your story inspires me that we can succeed, with help, in our recovery.

sugarbear1

Congratulations!

Jabbadabutt

My wife ended up saying the same thing to me, and I knew I was getting close to my bottom. But I still didn't listen. I needed to see it for myself. I did. I was ready. I have not looked back since. Over 500 days. I too say the same thing the there is nothing that alcohol would make better for me. I spent most of my life finding out how alcohol makes things worse. I used to think drinking made me funnier, better looking, sexier, taller, etc. Wow.......what a delusion.