TheEnd

Nobody is setting you back except yourself. The problem is not with everyone else, the problem lies within yourself. When you realize this and start making those necessary changes, then maybe you can get off this roller coaster you're riding.

At least that was my experience. I wanted to blame everyone for my addictions, but by blaming other people I never took ownership and I couldn't correct the situation.

Anyway, best of luck on your continued sobriety.

Gottalife

But you will know. Right there is the seed of another relapse.

SteppingItUp

Justfor1,

Are you actively working with a sponsor?

What have they been doing with you, the Big Book and the steps?

My own experience is that any mind-altering, mood-changing chemicals have the ability to keep my alcoholic/addict mind unarrested.

Much love,

SIU

tomsteve

can ya explain what the status is you feel you have?
what got me to the doors of AA? lieing, cheating, and stealing. what got me sober? honesty.
if you were to work the steps, you could find the exact nature why you feel you have to keep it a secret.

Elisabeth888

See, I would be sitting there in meetings thinking that everyone knew. I feel like people can see it in my face when I drank. I know i can. You and I had similar sobriety dates before I relapsed a couple of times. I have followed your post sou feel like I kind of know you.

I have the date scratched out on my pocket calendar andi flinch when I see it knowing. I would have over 7 months. I want it to be real when I pick up that one year chip. There is no way in hell I could get up there and speak about it aftergetting the chip. Then I would have to have two sobriety dates, one fake and one real. That just goes against the whole program.

One of the things that scares me the most is being one that is 'incapable of being honest'. My goal is to have no secrets because I drink over them. Right now I have no secrets and it feels great.

tomsteve

ya know the tradition thats states" the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking?" well, it was originally "an honest desire." what alcoholic want to or knows how to be honest??? heck, i didnt even realize my whole life was one big lie!
on that part about "incapable of being honest:" it ends "with ourselves." sounds like yer honest with yerself and i will guarantee you will feel better gettin the burden off yer shoulders.

NewStep

It's good that you were honest about your slip. I don't know if they's stop your meds after one slip, I've had slips and been honest and they never stopped mine, although I'm not sure if things are the same where you are. Still, if you keep being honest with who you see, they can help you better.

NYCDoglvr

So you don't want your therapist to reveal you drank -- because you might loose your anti-anxiety meds? Are you serious about getting sober and drug free? To get -- and stay -- sober we must be brutally honest with ourselves and others.

Justfor1

I feel like I let the doctor down because I agreed to "no drinking".
I have serious blackouts when I drink. I do need anti-anxiety meds but I admit I like having them with me "for emergencies". I know I can detox smoothly if I come off a bender if I have them.

sugarbear1

What anti-anxiety meds are taken for "emergencies?" I thought they needed to be taken regularly for them to be effective. And I thought alcohol interfered with the effectiveness of those anti-anxiety pills? Blacking out is not natural when drinking; it happens when a body is overloaded with alcohol. I'm confused here.

I wish you well,

hypochondriac

Whoa there...

That sounds like you're not done drinking yet!?

Elisabeth888

This is your recovery, not your doctors or other members of AA. YOU are important. Do this for yourself. Who cares what they think?