Not being forgiven
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pine Grove, PA
Posts: 146
Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments.
Who did I get sober for?
I thought I was all that when I had a year sober and everything should be good again. I forgot that I drank for 25 years and created a lot of wreckage that was not going to be cleaned up and forgiven just because I stopped drinking. I needed to change and not expect others to change. I am now sober 17 yrs and I still have not been Forgiven for some of my stuff but I have amended my behavior and do not do those actions anymore. My ex wife hung on for 9yrs while I was changing and finally we discovered that some of the harms I had done were not forgivable and we parted ways. Some things are not fixable and I need to learn that my Acceptance is the key.
Who did I get sober for?
I thought I was all that when I had a year sober and everything should be good again. I forgot that I drank for 25 years and created a lot of wreckage that was not going to be cleaned up and forgiven just because I stopped drinking. I needed to change and not expect others to change. I am now sober 17 yrs and I still have not been Forgiven for some of my stuff but I have amended my behavior and do not do those actions anymore. My ex wife hung on for 9yrs while I was changing and finally we discovered that some of the harms I had done were not forgivable and we parted ways. Some things are not fixable and I need to learn that my Acceptance is the key.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ca
Posts: 51
Thanks for all the feedback. Even in writing the message I could see some of my flaws(expectations, praise). I needed to hear these messages. Get the ego out of the way and do the next right thing. Thank you all
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((jsch))) - I'm both an RA and have loved ones who are A's (I'm a recovering codependent).
I once read on the F&F forum about a spouse telling her RAH "you want a medal for doing what you should have been doing all along?" Ouch, but she was totally right.
If you were to ask my loved ones how long I have in recovery, I doubt anyone of them could tell you. What they can tell you is that I am a totally different person, and in a good way. I've made more "living amends" than anything, have learned that expectations often lead to disappointment, and doing the next right thing is always a good idea.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I once read on the F&F forum about a spouse telling her RAH "you want a medal for doing what you should have been doing all along?" Ouch, but she was totally right.
If you were to ask my loved ones how long I have in recovery, I doubt anyone of them could tell you. What they can tell you is that I am a totally different person, and in a good way. I've made more "living amends" than anything, have learned that expectations often lead to disappointment, and doing the next right thing is always a good idea.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I just today posted (in another forum) that this past weekend I realized that recovering alcoholics are forgiven.....frequently. In my own case, old friends are coming back around, including me in their activities and circle of love once again. And this came about because of a gradual, yet consistent change in my actions. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen.
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