As my sponsor asked me after my last drink "what step were you working on before you picked up"?, and, "why didn't you call me before you picked up"? AA is not just about going to meetings. Meeting don't get you sober, the 12 steps do, helping other do, and doing whatever in the world you have to do in order to NOT pick up that first drink. I was taught that my next drunk starts long before I pick up that first drink.

I've been sober a long time. My first two years was hard learning to live life without drinking. I wanted the easy way to grow up. But, yOu can't learn to deal with situations without drinking until you live through situations without drinking. If you want AA to work for you, then you have to do the work AA says you have to do to overcome your alcoholism.

As long as you think it's possible, then it is, when you think it isn't, then it won't be. The mind is incredible and sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I'm happy that you're going to a meeting, but I think you have been here so many times that you think making it back is guaranteed. One day you just may not. You should seriously think about that. Or maybe things won't turn out as you planned with ending up in an ER, maybe you will seriously hurt yourself, or worse, someone else.

Please, don't give up. Don't worry about long-term sobriety, just don't drink TODAY. I've been doing that for roughly 7300 days and it's the reason I'm sober. Most of all, look at the reason you picked up after nine months and change your behavior. I can't imagine how awful you feel but you don't have to do it again. At AA get a sponsor and follow his/her advice (my best thinking always got me drunk!).

Always remember: you don't have to drink!!