Overdose/birthday
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Overdose/birthday
Hi folks,
Well I have been having a wretched time of it for the last few weeks.
Had been wanting to go to meetings, but despite my desire to go, and my son's encouragement, I have had this extraordinary reluctance. Everymorning I'd say to myself "I'm definitely going tonight" but when the afternoon would set in I would just feel paralysed.
Then about a month ago my back completely seized up, along with a massive flare-up of my asthma and emphysema. So I became completely bed- bound, and desperately depressed.
Then on Saturday the 5th May, I took an overdose of sleeping pills. Partly cos I just wanted to sleep, partly cos I didnt want to drink, and partly cos my Birthday was coming up, and I didnt want to face it alone, as usual.
Woke up in the A and E on Monday 7th, half my memory gone. Terrifying. Got discharged, and again went back to bed until last Sunday, where The depression became so unbearable I relapsed until yesterday.
The most frightening thing is that while living in bed is terribly depressing, its the only place I feel safe. Its a huge old house that I just cant manage anymore, and even going downstairs to the loung makes me feel bleak and stirs up the grief of my dead husband.
I'm due to go to rehab in about 4 weeks. I just have to hang on til then...
Well I have been having a wretched time of it for the last few weeks.
Had been wanting to go to meetings, but despite my desire to go, and my son's encouragement, I have had this extraordinary reluctance. Everymorning I'd say to myself "I'm definitely going tonight" but when the afternoon would set in I would just feel paralysed.
Then about a month ago my back completely seized up, along with a massive flare-up of my asthma and emphysema. So I became completely bed- bound, and desperately depressed.
Then on Saturday the 5th May, I took an overdose of sleeping pills. Partly cos I just wanted to sleep, partly cos I didnt want to drink, and partly cos my Birthday was coming up, and I didnt want to face it alone, as usual.
Woke up in the A and E on Monday 7th, half my memory gone. Terrifying. Got discharged, and again went back to bed until last Sunday, where The depression became so unbearable I relapsed until yesterday.
The most frightening thing is that while living in bed is terribly depressing, its the only place I feel safe. Its a huge old house that I just cant manage anymore, and even going downstairs to the loung makes me feel bleak and stirs up the grief of my dead husband.
I'm due to go to rehab in about 4 weeks. I just have to hang on til then...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Who's buying you the booze if you can't leave the house Sally?
can you see your Dr before 4 weeks?
Is there nothing else they could do for you to hurry up the process or get you some help?
D
can you see your Dr before 4 weeks?
Is there nothing else they could do for you to hurry up the process or get you some help?
D
Sally1009
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Dee, alas, my son buys it. Something I loathe asking him to do..I will ask about speeding up the rehab.
BJ, I will try and get somone to come out. Im just so ashamed of the way my house looks. It is really run down and untidy..my daughter wont even visit because of it..
BJ, I will try and get somone to come out. Im just so ashamed of the way my house looks. It is really run down and untidy..my daughter wont even visit because of it..
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Sally, sorry to read about the bad time you are having. My first effort at sobriety ended in a simlar way. I had been to rehab, then returned to my old environment with no AA or counselling or anything. I saw the medical notes a domiciliary nurse made on his follow up call after the treatment. They found me bed ridden, depressed and lving in
"absolute squalor".
I wish I could tell you I found this really easy way out but I didn't. Eventually I stole the rent money from my flatmates and went on the booze. They kicked me out so I went north for a fresh start and ended up sleeping in derelict buildings and parks. Then a went back to my home town, only to find my old school mates wanted nothing to do with me, I was quickly banned from all their houses. i had no money, no job, no friends and all my possessions in a plastic rubbish bag. I was hearing things, seeing things, and unpleasant things were going on with my bodily functions. A was on my last legs by the time I was beaten into a state of reasonableness. I had reached a point where AA was my ONLY hope. When I accepted that and became willing to go to any lengths, things began to get better.
Maybe you should tell you son the truth, that he is enabling your disease by supplying the booze. He will find that out sooner or later, but think how he will feel if you die and he finds out he was a contributor to your death. It would be awful if he had to live with that.
"absolute squalor".
I wish I could tell you I found this really easy way out but I didn't. Eventually I stole the rent money from my flatmates and went on the booze. They kicked me out so I went north for a fresh start and ended up sleeping in derelict buildings and parks. Then a went back to my home town, only to find my old school mates wanted nothing to do with me, I was quickly banned from all their houses. i had no money, no job, no friends and all my possessions in a plastic rubbish bag. I was hearing things, seeing things, and unpleasant things were going on with my bodily functions. A was on my last legs by the time I was beaten into a state of reasonableness. I had reached a point where AA was my ONLY hope. When I accepted that and became willing to go to any lengths, things began to get better.
Maybe you should tell you son the truth, that he is enabling your disease by supplying the booze. He will find that out sooner or later, but think how he will feel if you die and he finds out he was a contributor to your death. It would be awful if he had to live with that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Sally, a little passage from AA's "How It Works".
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it — then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
My recovery began in a 90 day rehab. I needed the intensive care of that program to "get my attention" so I could move on to AA.
Nothing will change for you if you don't change anything. Did you tell them in the A & E that you were suicidal and overwhelmed?
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it — then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
My recovery began in a 90 day rehab. I needed the intensive care of that program to "get my attention" so I could move on to AA.
Nothing will change for you if you don't change anything. Did you tell them in the A & E that you were suicidal and overwhelmed?
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
