TheRestorative

So I went to my first AA meeting tonight. It was a womens group. It went by pretty quick, actually. I just wanted to share my experience.

Everyone went around the room and said their name and what their problem is, I suppose. Most of the women are alcoholics, a few are addicts. To follow suit, I said my name and that I was an alcoholic, but it was intimidating because it all felt a little robotic to me. I don't want to judge it negatively, but I was uncomfortable.

We read some of the twelth step, everyone taking turns reading. I read a small paragraph and then passed. I was nervous about reading, and thankfully no one asked me to share. One woman lost her husband 2 months ago and has been dealing with the grieving process sober. I give her a lot of credit. That must be hard. A few others shared about letting go and allowing God to take the reigns. The meeting concluded with an "Our Father" while holding hands and some more chanting and then everyone broke up and went home. A 23-year-old young woman came up to me right afterward as I was walking toward the door and offered her support. Another woman came over shortly afterward and they got to talking a little bit about the group and both gave me their numbers and said to call any time. That was nice.

I left feeling unsure about coming back again, but something in me said I should. This insecurity is in me, and has nothing to do with these other people. I'm afraid, that's what it is. I just don't know how to open up, because the anxiety of sharing gets the better of me. I just sat. The woman to my right tonight shared that she's 5 days sober and openly said she wants to know more about the 12 steps and said she'd be coming back. It was her first time and she was so decided. Her courage inspired me.

I'm just not sure I understand the repetitiveness, or maybe that it doesn't agree with me right now. I feel like I should give it another go. Has anyone else felt like this after their first meeting? Unsure? Afraid?

NewHouse2012

Hi TR!
Wow, you are very inspiring to go to AA for the first time. I want to go soon, I am very nervous to do so. Walking thru that door means I have validated this problem to the world. Yikes! Scary stuff. I want to def go to womans group too. I hope you continue to go to the meetings, you will probably make friends and get comfortable---my advice is easier said than done-you are awesome.

Anna

Good for you for going to the meeting! It's so hard to make the first moves in early recovery.

I don't go to meetings but I know the first three weeks I was afraid and unsure and I think it's a pretty common feeling. I'm glad you're working on your recovery.

TheRestorative

Yeah, I'm not so sure the meetings are what's right for me. But I'm glad I at least gave it a shot. I do want to have relationships with others who understand what I'm going through, so I know meetings are good for that.

One day at a time...

tacks

Hi Restorative,

"If you liked everyone that you met in AA
then you haven't been to too many meetings."
-- my sponsor

Finding a good meeting can be tough. Was tough for me.

I'm kind of unusual in that i prefer an NA meeting to most any of the AA meetings. But that's just my personal experience based on my location.

best wishes for you

tacks

gunther84

Good for you that you went to a meeting for the first time. That takes allot of courage. You will find that people will come up to you afterwards and offer their numbers to you and tell you to call them if you need to. Most of them are sincere. For many in AA, helping other alcoholics helps them stay sober themselves.

As far as talking during a meeting, if you are asked to say something and you done want to or do not have anything to say, just say " Im hear to just listen tonight, thanks". That's it. No further explanation is necessary. Actually, I went to a meeting tonight and towards the end after most of the others have shared, I was asked to say something as well. I introduced myself and said"I'm pretty new to sobriety, so I was told that at this point I should take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth and just listen". Everyone was cool with that.

I have gone to many meetings already in my two weeks sober. Most I liked, but some I didn't like so much. I think if you go to more you will find that to. I recommend going to more. I cant hurt and you will make some new friends that you will be able to talk to one on one. Its better than drinking, right?

tacks

Hi Restorative,

Restorative, as you are newcomer, it's more important that we make you feel comfortable. All newcomers come first. And i came first when i was a newcomer.

But if you don't need Gunther on a given evening then i'm going to bring him with myself for "protection."







All in good fun. I found some meetings to be wonderful with wonderfully supportive people. And i found others that were less so.

[salut smilie]

FlyerFan

The first meeting is always a little scary and you will feel unsure for a little while. Don't feel obligated to speak, you don't have to until you're good and ready. I didn't speak for a good couple of months and I was unsure about going for at least a month and a half, but now i am 5 months in and I love going. Give it a chance for 90 days and see if your opinions change.

dotherightthing

Congratulations on overcoming your anxiety and making it in to a meeting. The majority of alcoholics never make it as far as you have just making that choice.

Yes, meetings take a lot of getting used to, and you'll have different experiences in different ones. You'll find lots of ritual stuff, and you'll find it differs by location and moderator, too. More quirky than anything else, and something that makes going in to a new meeting pretty interesting. I can guarantee you that your second meeting will be different from your first. Don't sweat the little stuff, though. I'm five months into my sobriety and still can't get the serenity straight half of the time ("God, grant me the courage, oh, ****!").

2granddaughters

Everyone I know......

Go to hear what the oldtimers say.
Keep going until what you hear makes sense.

Try to fit into AA... don't try to make it fit you.

All the best.

Bob R

tomsteve

but something in me said I should

prolly a higher power. them were the hardest doors you'll ever have to walk through to get to a meeting.

KathP

Congratulations! That first meeting is usually the toughest hurdle, because it's such a new experience. But if you were uncomfortable, try to figure out why. Was it because it's such a new experience? Was it the other women? Did you not feel welcome? Were you feeling embarrassed or shy?

I am a terrible example, actually, because I really don't like to share, and the meetings I attend are okay with that. I am good talking to someone one-on-one, but sharing with a group intimidates me like crazy.

I'd suggest trying as many different AA groups as you can. The "vibe" you get can differ from group to group, and even within the same group on different days.

All the best,
Kath

Veritas1

I tried really hard to think back to my first AA meeting!

I think it was about 22 years ago.

I was working at a job where my employer's wife attended Al-Anon. She would go daily at lunchtime.

I asked to go with her. I had a brother that was drinking alot. (I was too)

Shortly thereafter...I sought counseling to talk to someone about my life.

I was completely honest with this counselor, and she said, that a rep from a rehab was just in that day.

She showed me this brochure on a treatment center and said she would help me make the arrangements.

I was first exposed to AA in the treatment center. I remember getting the big book in my hands. I quickly became the leader, and was elected "President", and would go up and read the steps, etc.

Imagine that...class president!

I still have the polaroids of me with my name badge and a big smile of hope.

I left treatment and returned home. I found a sponsor and can remember those first meetings. There were meetings at churches. I felt comfort at that. I knew what I was doing was good.

I went daily. The transformation was amazing. My appearance changed drastically. I was re-born.

I can remember though having troubles with people. Trying to be friends. Trying to stay away from falling in love with every good looking male in the meetings.

I can remember that I experienced rejection from them and that hurt. I can remember even there, that I didn't fit in, there was always some prettier girl that the guy wanted...not me.

Seeing attention, seeking love, seeking to feel good....which I needed from others.

I would go, listen, read my each day a new beginning, call my sponsor. I don't remember doing steps. (except a workbook 4th step in treatment, and writing amends letters from treatment!) Hi, I am in treatment for booze, and wanted to say sorry letters! Imagine that!

Anyway...

I don't remember having fear.

I remember having hope.

I saw my life changing.

I was recruited to a big company. I went out of town on a business trip. At the end of all of our hard work, there was a pizza party to celebrate.

The pitchers of beer were delivered to the table, and I joined in.

Just like that.

The person that I drove with (another recruit) asked me:

Your not supposed to be drinking that right?

I had talked all about my recovery on the road trip to get there. !

But I had taken the drink, and the drink took me.

I didn't get back to AA for many, many years.

I caused alot of damage and harm to myself and others by drinking.

I believe I would have been, could have been more successful, heathier, prettier, if I would have stayed in AA and sober.

But, I wanted to drink like the rest of the gang.

I wish I stayed sober and in AA from 22 years ago.

Instead I have been in and out of sobriety for the last years, never entirely free of it.

Stick with it, no matter what.

The alternative is bleak.

My brother is dead. He died as the result of being drunk and driving on his motorcycle. I got the call that I had to come identify his body at the hospital. He was 26, and the most beautiful boy ever.

I am crying as I write this.

This alcohol is a killer.

DayTrader

There are "discussion" meetings like the one you went to.....some have a strict gameplan they follow, some not-so-strict, and others are free-for-alls. I liked the more lax meetings at first.....now, not so much but it's where I go to "hunt for new ppl."

There are also open talk meetings.....one person up at a podium sharing (hopefully!!) what they was like, what happened, and what they're like now - about alcoholism, what changed, and what recovery is like now. Only the speaker talks at open talks....and, considering someone picked them to talk, usually (again.....HOPEFULLY) the speaker is qualified to be up there and will probably have a good message.

In Michigan, we break (at most meetings) into tables of 5-10 ppl for our meetings. Everyone's invited to share. New ppl get to talk....but other new ppl need to be ware - they're hearing what someone who's in their spot is doing (which may or may not be helping them). The folks to really key in on are the ppl with some time, a smile, who can share a problem but (and this is KEY) most importantly - what they did/are doing to work though it that didn't work and what did/has been/is working.

If you can get around an hit some different meetings, you'll find they're as different as people in a town. City meetings are different than suburb meetings are different from country meetings. NY meetings are different than FL meetings are different than OH meetings. A 15-20 minute drive in my area and you can go from a BIG patch of what I'd call "troubled" AA to some really strong and solid AA. Even in those troubled areas though, there will be some shining diamonds. Some wise advice I was given early on: GO FIND THOSE STRONG MEETINGS - YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND UPON IT.

Now.......meetings were not designed nor will they keep you sober for long. They're like an adrenaline shot (the good ones, anyway) but they're not the cure. So go find the ones that get you excited, make you feel good about sobriety, and give you some hope. There are TONS of meetings, lots of formats and a million different "flavors" to the meetings.... you just have to go find the ones you like.


.....and to parrot everyone above, you don't HAVE to talk - period. One of the guys I sponsor didn't talk at a meeting for over 14 months.

and just as an fyi, the best place for AA related questions is probably: Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

LotusBlossom

That's awesome, Restorative! I definitely know of your uncertainty. I was also told by many wise people and one very special one *pokes my signature* that you should try many meetings (my sober angel said to try a minimum of 6 DIFFERENT meetings - not all meetings are created equal) and find people that you want to be like. i.e. When you see someone who has what you want, an attitude, a way of life...and follow them around! Ask them what meetings they go to, talk to them, ask them for numbers...find out how they got the way they got! If that's what worked for them....it may work for you too.

Keep posting here, though. For me, online has been such a crucial part of my recovery. 4am when you can't sleep? At least in my area - there's no meetings to go to...but there's always someone up on SR, I can promise you that.

CarolD

I'm tickled you were brave and did go...

Early on I thought of meetings as classrooms for sober living
The more I went the quicker I learned ....

I do hope you wil continue to explore what I think of as an awesome adventure.
I'm leaveing soon for a noon meeting ..yes I still go for myself and to meet new members.
.I'll never quit going to AA.

All my best as you move forwward...

wow04

You have taken the first step to your recovery!!!

I went to my first AA meeting when I was 14, right out of the first round of rehab. I felt so out of place. I stayed sober 9 months and went back to drinking and druging. When I went back at age 18, I was very shy and backwards. I didn't talk during a meeting. I would after.

At the age of 22 I moved after being sober 7 months. My plan was to go out drinking, but somehow (God) I ended up at a meeting. A woman, who became my sponser, came up to me and said "I don't know how long you have been sober, but you are seconds away from the next drink." I burst into tears.

From that moment on I was in full force. I worked the steps and talked at meetings. What I am saying is, when you are ready you will talk. Just go to the meetings and find the one that works for you. In AA you get a wonderful support system.

NYCDoglvr

Congratulations on taking the important steps to staying sober. Yes, definitely go back -- we get enormous support from other people. There's so much more you'll learn to help lyou maintain sobriety. Good luck!

GingerBeer

I've been thinking about this tonight too: at this stage in my life and/or fragile stage of my sobriety and I understand your ambivalence. The LAST thing I wanted to have emotionally is to feel like a failure at something (else!).

The first time I went to an AA meeting about 10 years ago I felt like an alien. Or at least, I felt like I didn't belong. Over the next decade I probably went into 7 or 8 other meetings in 3 different cities. Not a huge number, but that feeling continued at each one. I did not like the meetings or the messages that I was exposed to in my limited experience.

So I decided that I was going to stop listening to the people that told me that if you didn't use AA then you were a "dry drunk" or that quitting drinking isn't recovery.

I was done trying out AA and hoping that I'd fit in, Not because of anything wrong with me, but because those meetings didn't reflect my approach to solving problems. Again, for me I found the shares to be emotionally depressing and focused on how bad of a drunk everyone was. And like you mentioned, there was the public praying and holding hands happening at the meetings I was at - the overall religiosity of the texts and ritualization of the readings all were very off putting to me.

My point is that sure, try AA and if you enjoy it or if you find it helpful then go for it. But if you don't feel like it is for you then get a different method that resonates with you and your values and don't look back - look forward.

And as for the support of others, I find my friends on SR to be an invaluable resource. Incredible support of others right here.

Good luck!

Gottalife

TR, that was a great post.

Take comfort in the fact that no one is comfortable at their first meeting, unless they are on something of course. It wasn't about comfort for me, this was life and death.

I sat at the back and looked at the floor for weeks. I never spoke, I couldn't string a sentence together anyway. My self esteem was about floor level too. It's not like I woke up one sunny day and thought "I think I'll join AA today" and skipped along with a tralala. I was desperate, this was a major life decision, it wasn't easy, casual or fun.

They suggested I listen and look for similarities. Listening, and watching, did me a great deal of good. I kept going back and I became more confident I was on the right track. That was quite a while ago now, and I haven't needed to drink since.

BTW, call those ladies, they will be delighted to hear from you