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I feel my chances of sobriety do not exist

Old 05-12-2012, 06:27 AM
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nolongerknow you are indeed killing yourself, but its a long, slow, humiliating death. It does not have to be like this. Right now you can not see it but there is hope for you. You can have a life free of alcohol and drugs but you need to get through the difficult time that comes when you first stop drinking. The craving to pick up again will be huge at first because doing so would keep the withdraws away. This is only temporary and will pass eventually. You can get through it, many in a situation similar to yours have. I have, and now twelve days later I feel like a new man. The human body is incredibly resilient and rebounds pretty quick. Stay strong through this relative short period and you will be on your way to recovery. I will keep my eye out for you here and keep you in my thoughts.
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Old 05-12-2012, 03:02 PM
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Thank-You to everybody for replying. if I was to quote the bits that helped, I would basically just be repeating the whole thread. I have a GP appointment tomorrow and am going to ask for Naltrexone gain or see if he knows anything about campral as NT did not help that much the first time round, though at the time I was expecting a miracle and did not really try very hard to stay abstinent.

I'm now at a stage where I realize it will be difficult but it can not possibly be worse then my current existence. Yes, I am willing to go AA or a similar group again. First I will try the Drug and Alcohol counseling service 1(of my 3) doctors have been suggesting I see. I may also try another 7 day in-house detox.

I will check-in after I see my doctor tomorow. Again thanks everyone, every reply helped. And to whoever posted the song, awesome dude.
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Old 05-12-2012, 04:49 PM
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This really comes down to weather you want to live or die. I'm a 25 year old woman who was forced to choose between drinking and everything else early in life. In the beginning I couldn't see a life without alcohol, and the first year sober was confusing and painful because of all the feelings I had been numbing with alcohol. But it gets better.

You are young and if you stop drinking now you have a lot of time ahead of you to heal and to build a new life. If you keep drinking you will only get lower and lower. I hope you find a reason to stop drinking.
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Old 05-12-2012, 07:47 PM
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Just wanted to say that I can relate. I use to be extremely dehydrated & just wanted juice/water but end up with booze also. I barely could walk the 2 blocks to the liquor store in the morning. I wasn't working & it seemed my only identity was being the "town drunk". I made 2 serious suicide attempts. One involving the police & was very nearly shot. The truth is not everyone dies from this disease. We can live in absolute misery for many years. That's what scared me. I went to about 6 or 7 treatment centers. I thought I would never, ever be able to stop. I've been sober since Sept. of last year. Not a very long time but if I can do it than anyone can.
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Old 05-12-2012, 08:24 PM
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Your story touched a soft spot in my heart and my thoughts are with you tonight. I hope you find support here, and that you will make a change soon.
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Old 05-13-2012, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Justfor1 View Post
Just wanted to say that I can relate. I use to be extremely dehydrated & just wanted juice/water but end up with booze also. I barely could walk the 2 blocks to the liquor store in the morning. I wasn't working & it seemed my only identity was being the "town drunk".
It really is embarrassing I used to visit 2 or 3 different bottle stores a day to try and hide the amount I was drinking. Then there were times when I just stopped caring what people think, that's where I'm at now.

The guy at the store around the corner has asked me "do you drink all this to yourself" inquiring whether had a gf or someone I'm splitting with. Those questions cut to the bone cause it makes me realize the absolutely pathetic nature of my existence.

Well I am about to leave the house to go to the doctor and ask for naltrexone or campral and probably get some Valium. But I can feel my whole mind, body and spirit telling me I won't get back home without buying alcohol. I have already nearly cancelled the appointment a few times this morning because I just want to get drunk right now.

The act of "just not buying" in the first place is the hardest part for me, but I have read other people saying this as well..
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Old 05-13-2012, 06:54 PM
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Hi, nolonger.

Definitely go see your doctor—just the act of moving will hopefully take you out of the urge a bit. I found it helpful to replace the act of buying and drinking with the act of doing something else. Reading SR helped me a lot. For others it might be getting face to face support, getting exercise, going for a drive, whatever it takes.
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:24 PM
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I thought I was a hopeless case, but thank goodness I was wrong. There is always hope and a solution. Don't give up on yourself. It takes hard work and determination, but you can overcome this. Welcome and my best to you...
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:14 AM
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You know the worst thing about alcoholism is that drinking is really freakin' hard work! I mean it's really hard to keep drinking and yet it is the most rapacious creditor that destroys everything. Especially when my gums and tongue begin to swell and it's really painful to drink and yet I still persist. What a horrible medical condition. What a cruel substance.
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Old 05-14-2012, 08:53 AM
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I was one month after my 27th birthday when I got sober. I started getting drunk just as young and started getting drunk daily just before I turned 16 never stopping until I quit on the date listed below except for a day or two here or there. (No, that's a lie. I quit for 3 months doing a South Beach diet to lose weight).

Anyways - you sound like you're being honest with yourself. I don't know what your frame of mind was when you went into meetings last time. But as long as you keep that honesty up and you go into those meetings with an open heart and willing to do anything for your life....getting sober and living sober isn't easy...but it's a hell of a lot easier than being drunk and killing yourself. It's a lot more rewarding too, I promise you that.

Lots of positive thoughts to you from over here and I really hope you get some help from your GP. If you don't....find another. I agree with Carol though....I would look into a medical detox with that amount of alcohol and the pills.

*hugs*
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by LotusBlossom View Post
getting sober and living sober isn't easy...but it's a hell of a lot easier than being drunk and killing yourself. It's a lot more rewarding too, I promise you that.
this is the truth. in the beginning of your recovery it may seem like staying sober is the hardest thing you've ever done but day to day life as a drunk is f***ing exhausting. you'll always have a chance for a sober life bro, you just need to decide that you want it.
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Old 05-15-2012, 09:51 AM
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This is why I came into AA. It was a week before Christmas and my brother had brought me a beautiful blue spruce. On Saturday night I decided to decorate it. Had given up red wine because it made me drunk (lol) but had two nice bottles of Bordeaux. Hey, it's red and it's Christmas. In the blink of an eye I woke up in Mount Siani Hospital strapped to a gurney, half of my face solid black from a fall. They'd pumped my stomach because I took a large quantity of Valium. I was lucky: a friend tried to reach me but couldn't. He came over and let himself in, called an ambulance.

I was in a blackout and TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!

The hospital kept me for three days on suicide watch; the psyche ward was full so I was in with regular patients. The woman in the bed next to mine had diabetes. Three times per day doctors came on rounds. "That bed is diabetes and -- pointing to me -- this is pills and alcohol"

Yea, I used to toy with the notion of killing myself too, until, that is, I came so close to dying. That was 20 years ago. I was desperate and went to AA, where I got the support I needed to stay sober. I still go to at least three meetings per week because I'm terrified of killing myself while drunk.

AA says "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". I'm an agnostic and my higher power is: GOD = group of drunks. It works.

You are right to be afraid: alcoholism is progressive. For years I was drinking a magnum of wine per day, of course I had a problem. I honestly didn't think it was possible to not drink.
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Old 05-16-2012, 04:41 PM
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Hi everyone, just to clear up, I have not been taking valium with alcohol this year, so I have no tolerance to it and will not have to withdrawal from it. I was a teenager when I would take handfuls of it while drinking to knock myself out.

I saw the GP on Monday (today is Thursday) and he prescribed me 2 - 3 Valium a night and one naltrexone in the morning. I was also told to taper the alcohol, write it down in a diary, and see him again next monday.

I have noticed the Naltrexone actually is working as far as I feel I basically just 'can not be bothered' drinking as much. I have actually just chosen to go to sleep rather than continue drinking. Last night I went to bed (at 2 in the afternoon) with 3 beers and 1 can of 9% bourbon still in the fridge. This is completely a first I have never been able to leave alcohol un-touched. I woke up at 6:30pm intending to finish my drinks. I drank the can of bourbon, felt like I was basically forcing it down, then just said 'F it' and went back to bed.

This morning I woke up and started drinking my last 3 beers at 830am. I know I'm going to buy alcohol today but I plan to just purchase beer. By next Monday I plan to be down to just a 6 pack of beer. Monday after that - hopefully 3 beers.

The problem I am having is I'm drinking to escape the problems drinking has caused me in the first place. I have no desire to do anything but drink or sleep. I'm not sure if the method I have been told to use and detailed above is even acceptable to this site, I have been doing a lot of reading around here and have not found anything specifically for or against it.

Also does anybody know if it's possible to buy and download the "Under The Influence" book in e-book/pdf format, that book seems absolutely amazing.
Thanks Everyone
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Old 05-16-2012, 06:40 PM
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My goal is 100% abstinence I just have so many emotional problems which add/complicate my decision making process. I probably should have gone to in-house de-tox cause I feel I need to be taken out of my environment.

I am reading the online BB which I found a link to in these forums somewhere. I realize I will never be emotionally 'on par' so to speak without complete abstinence. Alcohol to me is the 'cause' and cure' for all my regrets.
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Old 05-16-2012, 06:50 PM
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I'm rooting for you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Are you being treated for your schizophrenia by any professionals? How does that relate to your alcoholism?
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Old 05-16-2012, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Payton View Post
Are you being treated for your schizophrenia by any professionals? How does that relate to your alcoholism?
Yes, thank you for your concern. As I mentioned briefly I started developing paranoid schizophrenia at 15/16 and have been on medication for this since 16. Only at the end of last year, I had a massive deterioration in my symptoms and was hospitalized briefly and am now seeing 3 professionals, (a psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse - with experience in drug and alcohol treatment, and a GP). My meds for this condition have been changed and more or less work very well.

Though paranoia to some degree is why I drink and find it hard to remain abstinent on a daily basis. I can have very painful thoughts, which can sometimes manifest as voices and have slight delusions of reality. I can tell these symptoms apart from ACTUAL reality and know they are not happening, but can still be very discomforting.

I am curious though as to what extent other alcoholics deal with this emotional pain. Do people have thoughts they just can not seem to shake?, I have a lot of guilt and have hurt a lot of people close to me - i have no friends left (mostly by choice) and am very close to losing the last of my family...

Thank-You
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Old 05-17-2012, 06:37 AM
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so is there nobody here who has dealt with a heavy drinking problem coupled with some form of mental health issue? Common sense would seem they would go hand in hand. I would just like some feedback on my Naltrexone/tapering plan.
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Old 05-17-2012, 07:03 AM
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Please do check with your medical team about how best to proceed
We are not allowed to give such advice

Here is our SR Rule 10....

10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.
.
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Old 05-17-2012, 07:42 AM
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umm thanks a lot CarolD but I have read the forum guidelines, and I am definitely not asking for 'medical advice', only peer support. I know very well what I can/can not do with regards to my own health. Somebody asked me a question and I answered it, which in retrospect was a bad idea, as it only served to cancel whatever support I had received up until then.
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Old 05-17-2012, 08:51 AM
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I would just like some feedback on my Naltrexone/tapering plan
That is why I quoted Rule 10...not just for you but to remind all members.

My active alcoholism slid me into depression the final 5 years I drank.
I did try various meds and used them as my doctors suggested
Not until I quit drinking did my depression lift.

No...I did not taper and No I did not use any drug for my de tox.

Sorry to know of your situation ...
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