KaeUno

My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Everyday he goes from drinking coffee in the morning straight to beer. He went to rehab for 21+ days and came out and kept drinking. He just recently got out of the hospital because his blood count was extremely low and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. They found inflammation in his esophagus that was caused by his drinking. The doctor said that if he continues to drink that he's not going to make it much longer. He was in the hospital for 18 days, detoxing and undergoing tests. He transferred to a physical therapy place right after so that he could get used to walking again. He was supposed to go straight to a rehab facility after that but none of the surrounding rehab facilities wanted to take him with his medical conditions and also since he's been sober for 4 weeks or so. He's been home for a little over a week and two days ago we found out that he went out and bought a bottle of wine and has been drinking again.

I'm not sure how to help. My mother is out of town for 2 weeks and he said that he felt that since she was gone that it was a perfect time to just have a few glasses of wine. He just doesn't get it and I'm not sure what to do. I was wondering how I should approach this situation. I talked to him tonight on the phone and he said that my sisters found the wine and poured it all out. He also said that he was going to an AA meeting tonight. I'm so frustrated, stressed, and terrified. If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it!

scrambled2012

Kae, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Its clear you love your dad very much and want to help him. Its important although perhaps impossable to realize however that he is an independent person responcible for his own decisions.

It sounds like your sisters and you have communicated your love and concern to him; that is why he is going to that meeting, and why pooring out the wine didn't make him flip out, i guess. He is lucky to have such a loving family.

you can at least always know that you communicated this love and concern, and continue to do so, while at same time remembering that the decisions are his to make, and it is not your fault if he continues to drink. You can only do so much. Perhaps an even more important thing to take home from the whole experience is to not repeat what you are seeing. That happens too often.

I wish you the very best. I know that others will have advice better then mine.

awuh1

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt9.pdf
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf
A.A. Way of Life - Working Step 1"

Hevyn

Welcome Kae. I'm very glad you posted - you're not alone in this. (You may want to check out both the Friends & Family and Adult Children of Alcoholics Forums here.)

Have you considered attending Al-Anon meetings? I commend you for wanting to help your father, but scrambled is right - you can only do so much for him. You need help for yourself, since I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you to watch this all your life. I hope you'll keep posting & let us know how it's going.

Dee74

Hi and welcome KaeUno
I'm very sorry for your situation.

I think friends and loved ones can really only do so much. When the rubber meets the road, your Dad has to want to quit, and he has to do the work towards that.

Sounds to me like you're doing just about everything you can to support him in that - I also recommend checking out our Family and Friends forums here and maybe checking out something like Al Anon for yourself too

D

KaeUno

I had no idea there was a Friends & Family forum on here. I kinda just joined the site and out of frustration just ran to the first forum I saw that seemed relevant. I'll definitely check it out.

Thank you all so much for your fast responses and I get what you're saying. The whole "there's not much else you can do" and "it's up to him to change" really sucks to hear, but I understand that's the reality of it.

Thanks again everyone.

CarolD

Welcome...

I do hope your Dad will decide to quit..the sooner the better obviously.