Xellios

First of all, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Ray, I'm 28 years old and I'm in recovery for the now 4th attempt. My last relapse almost killed me. I am now under the firm belief that I am an alcoholic and I need to abstain from drinking for my lifetime. For the most part I'm feeling much better. Some days are a roller coaster as old emotions creep up on me, and some of the dark secrets I used to use the bottle to deal with are starting to surface and I no longer have that coping mechanism. Overall though I know that Im doing the right thing for myself and my children. However I am noticing a pattern. I have good days, where I feel like superman, I feel on top of the world, I can conquer anything, Im filled with ambition and motivation and the world is at my fingertips.

These are followed by days where I feel completely hopeless, worthless, and incapable of accomplishing little or anything of importance. I usually feel this way on Sundays, the day where I should feel great, I work a short 4 hour day and have the rest of the day to enjoy by myself or with my children. But they have been the days where I feel the absolute worst.

I know that the emotional rollercoaster is a part of recovery, but what is with the pattern depression? Has anyone else experienced this? And how have you dealt with it? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

foodie1

Welcome to SR Xellios, glad you're here! I think the most important thing for right now is your sobriety, and with that comes a fair share of ups and downs. What does the rest of your week look like usually? Anything happen leading up to Sundays or coming directly after that might affect your mood on Sundays?

You can always try treating yourself to a little something special on Sundays (or any day really, you're sober and you deserve to be treated well!) All the best to you!

winslynn

Go to an AA meeting and get started with it.You are not ever going to beat your drinking problem single handedly,it's too much to handle all by yourself.Be with those who have gotten sober and they will show you how it's done.

DayTrader

Xellios

Boy can I identify with your post. I could have written almost all of it about myself. There are many ways to deal with depression (pills, therapy, groups, self-help books, etc). In MY case, what I thought (and was diagnosed with) was depression turned out to actually be what AA would call "untreated alcoholism." Pills DID work on it.....but they left me feeling somewhat numb and I didn't want to relegate myself to a lifetime of drugs. Therapy helped a lot too....but that was mostly in identifying how and when it showed up.

Most of the techniques I was given to handle/deal with it however, didn't really make it go away. What did work wonders on it was the 12-steps where it's suggested that for alcoholics of my type, the drinking is JUST an outward manifestation of a much bigger issue alcoholISM. Not all alcoholic drinkers have alcoholism....or, at least, not the same type. Treat that issue (chronic alcoholism) in a guy like me and things like start to clear up in all areas of my life.

Good luck to you. I hope you find your solution. If you don't......or get sick of looking......I can't recommend AA more highly.

Xellios

Thank you all for your responses so far. I am about 1/4 of the way though the Big Book, and I went to my second AA meeting on Wednesday. I can say that I know that I am at peace and I feel like Im at home with so many people dealing with the same issues I am. As far as the rest of the week, Im usually fine. I work quite a bit so that tends to take my mind off of things, but even on my day off I don't feel depressed or get cravings. Sunday is usually the day where I'm Craving a drink pretty bad. Before my recent relapse I would have just gone with it, grabbed a tall glass of beer and had a nice time for myself, but something happened semi recently that made me realize that that is no longer a possibility anymore. So now I ignore the cravings and do whatever I can to occupy my mind. Play with the kids, Clean my apartment, get immersed in a video game, but lately the past few weeks I cant seem to shake it. Motivation and ambition are at an all time low on Sunday. Perhaps I need to make Sunday another meeting day.

DayTrader

I was going to suggest the band-aid move of making a meeting on Sunday.....LOL......but you finished your post with that exact idea. Makes sense to me.

I like, if it's possible, to space my meetings out a bit for much the same reason. If it's consistently on the same night, rather than be (like I would have been) mad about it and trying to figure out why.......try to focus on what you CAN do about it and do that. It's easy to get bogged down in "research" and never implement the darn solution.

CarolD

Hi again...
Glad to see you here posting with us.

Depression caused by drinking is why I decided to join AA.
It has proven to be an awesome adventure and one I'm so glad I did not miss.

In early sobriety....I timed my cravings.

They were 5-7 minutes in duration.
Not too long too endure discomfort

I attended AA daily before work and on weekends...I walked often...
With my doctors ok I followed an eating plan for hypoglycemia...drank
oceans of water...all positive elements for me..

Within 2 weeks...the lessened in both time and intensity.
By 2 or so months .... they vanished. as my depression lifted.

Now...were they mental or physical?
Darn if I know. Nor do I care.

You might want to check with your doctor..sometimes a simple blood
chemical test can show problems you need to address.

Yes! you too can win ...please do keep moving forward...

sugarbear1

While at those meetings, observe people. Try to find a sponsor who seems to be happy, talks about the solution, and who acts sober, too! They should walk their talk (do what they say they do). If they are willing to help guide you through the steps, your new solution awaits you!

Don't have a meeting to attend, listen to xa-speakers for AA speaker tapes--taped speaker meetings that are inspiring!

Glad you are here,