tiel

My previous thread I was UTI when I posted that nonsense, and I'm surrendering. After a ridiculous drunken rampage I smashed a whole bunch of pictures in my house, screamed at my SO for no reason, and then I broke down and I said I needed help and that I have been suffering with this addiction for too long. I contacted a friend who goes to AA meetings and I will be going tomorrow...
I am thinking I will tell my parents when I see them next, and that's a scary thought because then I will be completely accountable. I will not be able to drink at family get togethers because I will have told them I can't.
I have been doing reading here on SR every day, even if I was drinking I was reading and reading and then reading more.
So many stories here give me hope. This is no way for anyone to live, myself included. I cannot continue to hurt my SO or myself anymore.
I surrender.

doggonecarl

Surrender, admitting that you have no control over alcohol is a great place to start your recovery from. No more fighting with yourself to drink.

And if things get tough, I'm sure there is a meeting today.

Jeni26

That all sounds a lot more positive, well done.
I think in my very limited experience that we truly have to have reached that place where to continue on the path to self destruction is not an option.
The only place to go is onwards and upwards.
SR and AA have truly made such a difference to my life.
Keep posting, we're all here to support you xx

awuh1

WOW! NOW THAT'S a good beginning! Willing to be accountable, willing to make huge changes in what you do, willing to get involved in a program of recovery. I think your chances are better than most my friend. Don't lose that willingness.

artsoul

Admitting I couldn't stop drinking was just mortifying to me, but a relief, too. (Everyone just wanted to help - I was always the only one beating myself up).

Like you, I found myself holding on to the hope I found here. I just want to say keep holding on....... it will get you through a lot and eventually you'll know what's it like to feel that way for yourself again. Believe!:ghug3

sugarbear1

You are about to embark on an amazing journey!

I wish you well,

Fielding

I hardly believe in the self destruction.
I believe in the power of a drug to manipulate our phisycal and mental system.
Self destruction comes when knowledge goes away.
We need to understand the enemy.

CarolD

What good news....I too went to my first AA meeting with a friend..

Hevyn

I agree that it's a huge relief to have it out in the open. I was so devious and secretive about my drinking - and I was disgusted with myself. It felt good to say goodbye to that sick person. We know you can do this, tiel. I'm happy for your new attitude.

tiel

Thankyou all. Day 1 down, looking forward to a good nights sleep. Just one of the many many good things to come.
Hevyn.... I think that's what is perhaps made coming to this path even more of a neccessity.. I began hiding my drinking... Hiding the bottles, timing how long I had to drink before someone would be home and how I would hide it... Too exausting, not worth it at all.

postparty82

Making it known to close friends and family is a key early on. Without accountability recovery doesn't begin. Best of luck to you!

instant

If we get lost on our way, starting again at the beginning is as good as any. Life does not have to be stressful and destructive.

Jitterbugg

Hi Tiel,
I think one of the most significant 'milestones' for alcoholics is when they need to hide their drinking. I look back a few years and realize that my life really got out of control when I started hiding bottles and being sneaky. At the time, I thought that I had to hide the booze because my GF was just being a 'prude'. I would also aim for specific timing before my GF got home....then she started coming home randomly and caught me red-handed.

Sounds like you are starting to recognize that your drinking is a problem! That's where recovery begins.

Wayne444

I am glad you are leaving the ridiculousness. I am not that far along into sobriety but I know the pain of causing pain, and can hear it in your post. Best of luck to you.

tiel

Every time a few days goes by that clever voice in my head begins to tell me.. Its not as bad as you're making yourself think, just drink once a week, its all good..... But as soon as I have one drink.. It turns to bottles, and one day turns into a week straight... I am more determined this time. Day 3 down, onto day 4 tomorrow. Day by day is how I'm taking it this time. I've never been excited at the thought of saying "oh I've been sober one month, two months" whatever.... And this time I am excited and I'm doing my best to ignore the cravings.
SR is truely a blessing.

NewHouse2012

I'm with you tiel, although its only been 8 days for me, the thought of being sober for 30 days really excites me. Ultimately, I can't wait to say, its been a year or two three then-how could I have ever done that to myself??? But yes, we must take it day by day and not get ahead of ourselves-just keep your eye on the proverbial prize

waw545

Surrender thats a good start when you give up on alcohol you can begin to put your life back together thats the first step. Congrats.

Hevyn

tiel, That's the point I reached too. There was no control left in me. In the end, those first few drinks could lead me anywhere - & it was becoming dangerous. I wish I hadn't spent so many years insisting I could use willpower to just have 'a few'.