NYYankee76

Been sober since March 22nd mainly because I got arrested for my 5th DUI. I had 3 of them when I was in college, and after my 3rd I got sober for 4 years. Started drinking again when I met this woman, and we moved in together... that was about 6 years ago. I got another one last year and lost my job, and ended up bartending until I found a job in my field.
I just finished my court mandated treatment program, and will have to partake in the 24/7 program starting the end of this month. I don't want to quit drinking. I like my beer and my shots. I don't want to quit but I know I need to or it will kill me or someone else or I will end up in jail for a very long time. Today by far has been the hardest day for me up to this point, but I haven't given up yet!!

Ghostlight

Never give up. Alcohol seems to be causing serious problems in your life, it may be time to stop.

I liked my beer and shots, too. In fact, I like them too much. They became my obession. And I became a near hopeless alcoholic.
It's now been over two years since I've had a drink, and life is great.

I hope you can turn things around and find the benefits of sobriety. It's so worth it.

Best to you.

winslynn

You are one of those alcoholics that is going to have to have a crisis in his life before you surrender.I just hope you don't kill someone when it comes.

mfanch

I've needed to quit since the age of 18 (my first DUI and rehab). I needed to but didn't want to. Fast forward:

Jail (twice)
Institutions (4 rehabs)
Dozens of failed relationships
Lost career

When I was 38, I FINALLY WANTED to quit drinking. I was then ready to accept help. For ME, no sobriety was possible until I wanted it. And badly enough to do anything to have it.

LDT

I really DISLIKE selfish people....so when I fully realized that I was being so incredibly selfish by continuing to drink, I formed a game plan to stop. When I was drinking, I was the poster child for self absorption. I had to turn that around. I got sober for my family....I stay sober for myself.

gunther84

Dude...stop drinking right now at get to a AA meeting. You may not want to stop but you have to. Fake it until you make it. You will be better for it.

Newatthis34

Drinking or not drinking is a choice. Drink driving and possibly killing other people is also a choice. (I often drove drunk as hell myself so I include myself in this analysis). If you do you will have to live with the consequences and no-one is to blame except yourself. Free yourself and choose to quit alcohol.

Am I being harsh? I've just finished the RR book and it's like I've suddenly gotten clarity on my own alcohol issues. Check out the AVRT threads on secular recovery here on SR. It may be something that chimes with you too.

mfanch

For me, if I could "stop drinking right now", I wouldn't be here. I couldn't/wouldn't. I had no tools. I didn't want to quit and I wasn't willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking.

Getting to an AA meeting when I wasn't ready to quit drinking spoiled a later opportunity (ie when I WAS ready and really wanted to quit drinking, I already "knew" that AA "wasn't for me" because of the taste in my mouth from the last time I "tried it").

Now, back to getting to the place where the OP "wants to". Rarely do we quit while "there is still time". It's just that simple. Yes, it sounds sad, but some must do the ultimate service work (be out there drinking and having consequences thereof).

I am grateful for the OP's post. It helps me see the futility of drinking and that I don't have to drink.

Thanks for letting me share.

mfanch

desertsong

You know you have to quit, but the bottom line is that you won't quit until you really want to. And then the question becomes, "What is it going to take?"

You've had a number of DUI's. You've lost jobs. But still you want to drink. Whatever your "bottom" is, you haven't hit it yet. If I were you, at this point in time, I'd be scared to death because things will only get worse from here. Alcoholism is a progressive disease - it doesn't get better. In spite of what you've already been through, you haven't had enough terrible consequences in your life to move from "knowing" you need to quit to "wanting" to quit. So the question again is, "What is it going to take?" Jail? Killing someone while driving drunk? Health problems? Loss of important relationships? Apparently these haven't happened for you ... yet. But trust me when I say that they are coming attractions.

I'm not trying to sound harsh, but like you, I needed this reality check myself. I was a "high bottom" alcoholic, meaning I didn't suffer through DUIs, job losses, financial woes, broken marriage/family, serious health issues, etc. But I knew they were coming if I continued because I was getting worse every day. One morning, lying on my couch and unable to move, I finally decided I wanted to NOT drink more than I wanted TO drink, and I checked myself into the hospital with a BAC of almost .30 ... detoxed for 3 days, and now I have 60 days today. When I think of going back to that horrible life, I shudder. There is just no way.

Well, enough out of me ... I speak only out of concern for you. I hope you reach the point of wanting to be sober more than wanting to drink, and I hope you get there soon before you have to experience the horrors that so many on this site have experienced. We're here for support if you need us.

Zebra1275

You've had 5 DUI's and you still want to keep drinking? What's going to be your bottom?

CarolD

Why not make a list of the pro's and con's around your drinking?

All my fun bottles were long empty when I decided to join AA..

No DUI's for me...I lived in a city and took public transportation.
I strongly suggest you do the same and quit driving
I'm glad you don't live near me..

NYYankee76

I made it through yesterday just taking it one hour at a time and going to see my shrink. I have seen a lot of bad come from my drinking... I have lost many girlfriends, lost a couple of jobs, been to jail multiple times, been through outpatient treatment twice... I can't say what or when my bottom will hit. All I know is that if I could have stopped drinking or never started again I would not be in this situation right now.
I made a choice yesterday and every day for that matter to not drink, and that I want to be sober and the person I am meant to be more than I want a drink. I know that if I continue down that path I stand to lose a lot more. Thank you all for letting me vent and the support... even if things are hard to hear or accept I know that I need to hear them!

gunther84

I know what your saying and have heard it many times. A alcoholic will not quit until they are ready. I have also heard of some cases where people come to AA either by a judge, a grudge, or a nudge. They were not happy to be there at first, but eventually the message sunk in and transformed in happy, sober recovering alcoholics.

mfanch

True. I just had a very different experience. Every time I went in the past it was because I was coerced into going by the Board of Medicine, a judge, or my spouse. For me, it didn't take until *I* finally walked into AA because I didn't want to die. I had to be willing, open-minded, and honest. I couldn't do that when I had a resentment about getting an attendance sheet signed. It kept me out there longer, IMO.

Our literature even says that we have to be willing. I suppose one can sit in meetings and hope that willingness comes. Absolutely. I have seen that, too.

oak

I can relate to not wanting to quit yet knowing you have to. Congrats on the past month and a half sober. That is great work. And welcome to SR.

DarkDays

I got arrested for my 5th DUI and you Dont want to quit , live by the sword die by the sword.

I hope you can see that you need to quit right this second, life is liberating free from alcohol.

soberlicious

hi NYY,
I'm glad you have decided that you want to quit. I second what newatthis said. RR may make a lot of sense to you. Check out the AVRT threads. You can absolutely quit for good if you so desire. The freedom that comes from not obsessing, not worrying about the law, not effing up relationships, not having control...not having a life, the freedom that comes is an amazing high.

no truer words...

DayTrader

Doing what I "should" do is often in conflict with what I "want" to do.....and I don't always have the maturity level to make the right decision. In those situations, prayer helps me a lot.