Finally entered AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 28
Finally entered AA
Just wanted to update about where I am right now. I joined the forum at some point last year, so I have been struggling with the reality of my drinking for some time. It had gotten more out of control than ever this past year and in these past few months I have come to realize the only thing for me to do is enter AA. I am just so sick of going around in the same circle. I have been to 5 meetings now in the past month, and today is my fourth consecutive day sober. I had a month of sobriety earlier in the year, but on February 13th my grandmother died, and then Valentine's Day was particularly hard for me, as I'm still getting over an abusive relationship. I drank that night and things went downhill from there. I'm burning myself out on work, since my job doesn't pay enough, I work 55-60 hours a week and have not had a full day off since December 23.
Last night was my first very positive experience with AA. I felt at home, I didn't speak but a lot of things were said that I really needed to hear. At my first meeting I just felt disgusted and angry with myself. I didn't want to believe I belonged there, especially when someone I perceived as worse off than me would go on a rambling rant.. But there are so many people who have been in recovery for years and years who speak well and have much wisdom to share. I enjoy listening, and I like my home group even though its late at night, and I plan to keep going back and getting comfortable enough to eventually speak.
I think the biggest thing I was struggling with when I first got there was the idea of acceptance.. feeling like if I accepted that I was an alcoholic and I belonged in AA, then I wasn't going to get better, because it felt like giving up and giving in. I thought when I showed up at my first meeting I would instantly feel a little better, hopeful or something, and when I didn't I felt totally pissed off. I went to 3 meetings and stopped and immediately fell back in to drinking. Now that I've gone back I feel a little better. I need to take it one day at a time. It helps that I go to meetings at 10pm which is usually the time I would go out and drink. I have something else to do now.
Last night was my first very positive experience with AA. I felt at home, I didn't speak but a lot of things were said that I really needed to hear. At my first meeting I just felt disgusted and angry with myself. I didn't want to believe I belonged there, especially when someone I perceived as worse off than me would go on a rambling rant.. But there are so many people who have been in recovery for years and years who speak well and have much wisdom to share. I enjoy listening, and I like my home group even though its late at night, and I plan to keep going back and getting comfortable enough to eventually speak.
I think the biggest thing I was struggling with when I first got there was the idea of acceptance.. feeling like if I accepted that I was an alcoholic and I belonged in AA, then I wasn't going to get better, because it felt like giving up and giving in. I thought when I showed up at my first meeting I would instantly feel a little better, hopeful or something, and when I didn't I felt totally pissed off. I went to 3 meetings and stopped and immediately fell back in to drinking. Now that I've gone back I feel a little better. I need to take it one day at a time. It helps that I go to meetings at 10pm which is usually the time I would go out and drink. I have something else to do now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Minnetonka, Mn
Posts: 62
Awesome for you! I was the same way, I did not want to go, in fact I didn't go, I went to counseling instead, and that lead me into A.A. meetings. Remember everyone is there for the same reason, everyone will accept you, and most everyone will say something at some point that sticks with you. These meetings keep me sober, and I'm finally very comfortable at them...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I sat, listened, absorbed the knowledge
and wisdom of the "old-timers" that has
helped me stay sober a many one days
at a time to get me where I am today.
21 yrs. sober passing on all that knowledge
and wisdom so freely passed on to me
to those still struggling with addiction.
Good Job..!
and wisdom of the "old-timers" that has
helped me stay sober a many one days
at a time to get me where I am today.
21 yrs. sober passing on all that knowledge
and wisdom so freely passed on to me
to those still struggling with addiction.
Good Job..!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
sonrisa, thank you for your honest post.
I always prejudged things too and when they didn't happen as I expected I thought something was wrong. You are learning a very good lesson that is often shared by the oldtimers "Don't drink and go to meetings" and "Keep coming back, it gets better".
Go to hear the oltimers share, then continue to go until their words make sense.
Are you saying your prayers in the morning and evening?
All the best.
Bob R
I always prejudged things too and when they didn't happen as I expected I thought something was wrong. You are learning a very good lesson that is often shared by the oldtimers "Don't drink and go to meetings" and "Keep coming back, it gets better".
Go to hear the oltimers share, then continue to go until their words make sense.
Are you saying your prayers in the morning and evening?
All the best.
Bob R
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