JustARide

I've been drinking since I was just out of high school...for the last 15 years or so on a regular basis. Self medication for severe anxiety and occasional depression. I'm in a cycle of getting drunk in the evening and wasting away the day until evening comes again so I can start again. It's really prevented me, especially in recent years, from having any kind of normal life. So I really want to stop.

I've stopped a few times here and there but doesn't really last long before I have an occasion where it's only a couple of drinks, then it becomes more drinks...but it's only for the one night, then it becomes two nights. I'm sure a lot of you can relate.

Recently my drug of choice is the red wine. 5 liter box wine is pretty good deal for all that alcohol. I've been drinking on average anywhere from about a liter to a liter and a half on a regular basis. I plan on stepping it down today and tomorrow so that I don't have to deal with withdrawals. It will be hard mentally, but I can do it. I know once I get that first sober night of sleep it will be easier for me. Its just that first night of breaking the habit that's the hardest.

I signed up here because I'm sure I can relate to a lot of you on here and it looks like there are a lot of resources here and I'd like to learn more.

TheJungianThing

If you find that your methods don't work. It's okay to admit it and try something else.

Lots of alternatives. I tried AA when my attempts at "stepping down", "getting more exercice", "staying busy", "tricking my mind" and a ton of other "my ways" failed me. Lots of folks here getting and staying sober in a variety of ways willing to help. The common denominator seems to be - doing what a given program suggests. Whatever it is.


It's been working for 9.5 years. I cannot begin to describe the way my life has taken off since then. Spent so much time in bars regretting the past and making "pipe" dreams of "someday". Since getting sober, I'm okay with the past and I've actually been able to live out some cool experiences in life. Up to including the newest role in life I've had for the past 4 of being a father. But the inner peace, the practices I've learned to meditate, to pray, to accept - it's just been phenomenal.


Good luck.


P.S. Bill Hicks "Just a ride" ?, awesome stuff.

2granddaughters

Hello J A R.
I can identify with your story.
I managed to get sober and stay sober through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Welcome JustARide, love Bill Hicks

Getting sober will be the best thing you've ever done

I wouldn't say that the first night was the hardest for me. For the first 2 weeks I don't think I really got any serious cravings... It was just like a long hangover. It got hard when I started to feel physically better...

Glad to have you with us x

Dee74

welcome to SR JustARide - you'll find a lot of support here.

Don't hesitate to see your/a Dr either - detox can sometimes be tricky, regardless of how many times we've done it before, or the fact it's 'just wine'.

D

JustARide

Great job on over 9 years. That is impressive. Yeah, been getting into some Bill Hicks stuff lately. Got turned on to him from a band called "tool". Listened to them for years but only just started checking out some of BHicks act. He is funny and deep.

Thanks...
2granddaughters - I'm hoping this will be my AA/support system. If this doesn't work then maybe I'll look at the real thing?

hypochondriac - thanks for the encouragement!

Hevyn

Welcome JustARide - so glad you found us. I think it's great you're recognizing what needs to be done. My life was destroyed because I kept insisting I could use willpower to control the amounts I drank. You already know better.

(Philly people are tough - you can do this. )

hypochondriac

Plus a good example of someone who got sober

JustARide

Vodka was my drug of choice for a few years. Would drink that every night! I stopped and switched to red wine because it is way easier to get out of control when overdoing it with hard liquor than with wine. And I had a couple of horrible withdrawals with vodka where I thought I was going to DIE! A couple of times after overdoing it one night, followed by waking and hair of the dog the next morning, followed by again that night...pass out wake up drink...I stopped and it was horrible. I couldn't sleep for a couple of days. I kept drifting into unconsciousness for a second or two before being jarred back into my body with extreme fear. I'm not sure what was going on but I might have been having seizures. My body was so wrecked I was trembling. I was trying to drink water and my arm and lips weren't working and I was spilling it all over myself. I could feel my heart. I couldn't even use the bathroom, there was some weird issues going on. I was sweating and freezing and paranoid and on high alert. I guess I was like an inch from the worst it can get with hallucinations and such. It was the worst experiences I've ever had...and I've heard it can be way worse.

So I switched to red wine. Not just "red wine"...made sure it was high in alcohol percent...
13% :/
and I drink a good deal of it.
I've stopped a few times and withdrawls aren't nearly as bad with the hard stuff but are still messed up with anxiety attacks, sweating/freezing, heart palps, freezing cold feet, paranoia, and on and on.

But I think I can be fine where I won't need to see a doc. But if I needed to I would. I won't got threw that vodka type withdrawl again.

JustARide

Thanks. lol I like the "philly people are tough" encouragement.

JustARide

I honestly didn't know that! Kind of cool.

Also a weird thing. I had a fortune cookie left over from about a week ago...just opened it up and it said, "Never quit"! :/

I'm going to take that to mean never quit on trying to do what needs to be done. I hope that's what it meant.

Dee74

I'm glad you're keeping that option open JAR

it's all alcohol - I used to think I 'only' drank beer and cheap wine...I still nearly died.

D

hypochondriac

Yup, he quit drinking early in his career, with AA I believe x

MysteriousGrl

I can completely relate to the withdrawal differences between hard liquor (vodka) and red wine. I have also been in the same boat where I've drank too much hard stuff, started again the next morning, passed out, picked up again in the evening and that went on for two weeks until my body physically couldn't handle it anymore. Puking up blood, dry heaves, sweats/shivers, heart palps, voices, cramps, restless legs, locked jaw...it was horrible! I feel your suffering, and its a crying shame the way we choose to live our lives like this but there is another choice. I'm only just getting there myself so I'll leave it to the vets to give you the real advice.

winslynn

Some people prefer the box of wine because nobody else can see how much has gone missing in a short time.A bottle is very obvious how empty it has become,but the family can't tell how much wine is in the box.We are really quite devious about hiding our drinking.

TheJungianThing

I think it is. When I drank, I was quitting life.

My only experience using the internet alone to recover from alcoholism wasn't and probably won't be too successful. It's a great tool to have, other apparently have done it.

AA for me is more than a "support system" though. Granted the fellowship has been second to none and makes the journey less lonesome and my life has been enriched beyond description by my work and association with recovering and recovered alcoholics in the fellowship around my area. I've also went to meetings in a few different states while travelling and I enjoy it.

What I enjoy ? People with a common problem, discussing a common solution (The AA Program) and speaking the language I as a drunk understand.

This isn't a pitch for AA, I get nothing whether you go or not. It's just my experience and opinion based on my experience.

Good luck.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

MrDavid

I lived in ‘plausible denial’ for many years, before the reality of my drinking finally sank in. Only then could I see how insidious my life had become. After that, I resigned to my fate rather quickly, even though the verdict wasn’t ready yet. I suppose my intentions were no match for the ‘powers that be’. So off I went to my final destination, unwillingly mind you. Yes, I had some mental reservations at the time –who doesn’t- and yes, I wondered what the final outcome ‘could’ be, but I didn’t question my resolve anymore or my alcoholism. And that’s when the ball really got rolling for me.

Like most people, I fought tooth and nail from the beginning. But I couldn’t question how I got here though. Those details were set in motion long before my undoing. The inner debate still rages even after many years sober, and so does the obsession. So for now I’ll choose a better way of life, despite the occasional nod or two. And be grateful for another day sober. I put more trust in the ‘process’ today than I do my own intuition. And for good reason. I’m an alcoholic, and alcoholics tend to forget their past or their last drink, you choose. I haven’t though. And the reason why has more to do with recovery –via “AA”- than my own understanding. I was finally set free, because of the “AA” fellowship, and for that I’m never at loss for words. And either should you.

So my suggestion for you is simple: Try not to question ‘how you got here’ anymore, but ask yourself another important question instead; what should my next ‘step’ be? Sober living is our ultimate goal but it comes at a price. The price of freedom comes from knowing not questioning, and the same goes for our drinking. So I would try to disengage myself from any train of thought that would question our alcoholism, again. That would be a 'must have' for me in the beginning. I’d forgo the branding as well if I were you and focus more on what to do next. I would bring to light any incident where alcohol caused me distress; and then ask yourself ‘how would this unfold differently if alcohol wasn’t a factor’? Then you’ll know how important the first step really is. That’s when we ‘let go’ absolutely. If only we could scan the images of time, somehow, and conclude ‘what not to do the next time’, that would certainly be ideal, wouldn't it? But it’s not always that easy. Clarity is the necessary glue that binds up the alcoholic’s ego and in “AA” terms that means ‘letting go’. And believe you me; it’s needed to make the first step complete. So I hope you do, starting today. We’ll keep a seat warm for you, just in case.

~God Bless~

foodie1

Welcome and glad you're here, I second the Dr. recommendation, and wish you all the best.

JustARide

Thanks for the encouragement everyone!

On Friday I didn't cut back like I planned and wound up having about 2 750ml bottles worth of red wine.

Saturday night I waited until very late to drink and only had about 1 750ml bottle worth. I got a lot of sleep the next morning, but was tortured throughout the day Sunday with when I was going to start drinking and how much I was going to have. Still I held out until late and had a little under .5 liter.

I had some really good sleep again and woke up feeling great today. One of the first things I thought when getting out of bed was I should have no problem being sober tonight. I just feel good so I'm sure I'll be able to do it and have stepped down my intake enough over the last couple of days that I won't have any issues.