Flyersfan

I know I can drop drinking buddies because I already have, but I find myself alone for most of the week... How am I supposed to just meet guys that don't drink a lot... Meeting girls like that is easier but there is always more to it.

I basically work and go to the gym.

Matt

SOBERINNEPA

I guess you need to go where the sober people are. I've made some good friendships through AA. I work out with a guy I met there.

Any chance of doing things with your former drinking buddies that doesn't involve booze?

BillyPilgrim

That is one part of your life you need to do differently, as soberinnepa says you can meet people at AA, otherwise it is joining new clubs and societies
You do need to be away from everyone who is helping you keep drinking. I even realised that the woman I was with was bad to be with , because she drank nearly as much as me, but she didnt see she had a problem

BigBluef250

Matt,

It takes a while. I still very rarely go out. Its not about being tempted to drink or anything like that. I have just found that I really have lost motivation to go out. I still have the desire to go out and chase girls, but I have come to realize with quitting drinking there are so many more important things. Plus, now that spring/summer are here, there are many more chances for the girls to come out side!!

Flyersfan

Soberpa... I have a couple friends that don't drink a lot and I could def see a movie with them during the week... but during the weekend its a different story ... for IE this weekend I have been invited to two different things..

The first thing is my best friends wifes birthday... going to AC , taking a limo to a casino and some restaurant? That has boos written all over it and I dont gamble..

The second option is to go to NYC with this girl I am seeing and going to an all day open bar... they both sound like AWFUL ideas... I am 100 % sure I will convince myself that one drink is okay and I will end up drinking way more than that.

Some of my other friends that don't drink but smoke a ton of pot and they just sit and watch tv... it's boring and I don't really go over there any more.

I just moved to Unionville 5 months ago and I don't know anymore really... most of my friends are 30-90 minutes away.

Matt

keepfinding2

Your friends will change once you do. It's all part of the flow of being sober.

Flyersfan

I hope your right but I have a feeling that wont be true for a couple years

wheresthefun

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SOBERINNEPA

It's tough but we do live in a culture permeated with booze. And yeah, for what it's worth, watching tv with guys who are getting baked doesn't sound like much of an alternative.

I do commend you on not pushing yourself into situations that might be problematic before you're ready. Either trip sounds like a nice day out until you think of the fact that an exit strategy won't really be available. I always try to have an exit strategy.

Try to have some patience.

Flyersfan

exit strategy as in a way to leave the situation or is that a metaphor for something else?

SOBERINNEPA

Oh, I'm seldom deep enough for metaphors!

No, I meant that when Mrs. Sober and I go somewhere, we agree to beat feet if I should feel tempted, over stimulated or stressed. If it's something to do with her coven ...er ...family, we might take separate vehicles. Better I should leave, if I feel antsy, than create problems for myself in the shape of a craving.

I don't want to make myself seem like some kind of china doll but I really do believe it's not about testing ourselves, it's about staying safe.

Gottalife

I found the answer to your problem through AA. Page 100 near the bottom: "Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all kinds of things alcoholics are not supposed to do..... read through to 102 ....but if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead" With all that time on your hands, wouldn't you feel a lot better if you invested some of that in your sobriety by trying to help others?

God bless
MikeH

THEOjibway

I tried that once myself. DIDN"T work. my drinking friend was too much of a temptation. Once I broke my urge and did drink was he mad? no. He was glad and drunk along side of me. I had to stop seeing my friends who drank because thats all we knew. Sober we didn't know each other and would just sit there and I'd leave within an hour because of boredom. I met new friends through work. Just by talking and getting to know my co-workers and luckily they both don't drink or don't want to ever drink so I'm glad! I've even shared with them my alcoholism and told them how happy I was that they don't drink.

kittycat3

hi Matt, I share your sentiment that making new friends is hard. You may have to get creative. You could meet your friends out for the bday party and just join for dinner (not the casino or limo) if possible. I totally agree on the "exit strategy". Many of my single friends still booze as much as we did in college and when people cross the line from tipsy to wasted, I depart. Or sooner if I feel like it. But truth be told, I don't join in as much as I used to, I just get bored too easily if the conversation isn't stimulating, which most of the time it is not when others are blitzed.
Can you play a sport & join a team? I know sometimes those things can get boozy too. I work at a large corporation so have had luck finding friends that I can go out in small groups with, friends that like music or other cultural activities (I pass on the large and late night happy hours). Try to find activities that interest you and see if you can get in with a group. Or yes, find a way to volunteer and give back, if not exactly the social buddies you are craving, it could be a nice way to pass time while you make some new friends.

TigerLili

Maybe take up activities that preclude alcohol use like car clubs, motorcyle rides etc. I've decided I want to take up ice skating.

You might find that if you spend time with your former drinking buddies, you may notice that many of them don't drink as much as you thought they did. Almost no one even noticed when I stopped drinking and if they ever said anything, I just said I was dieting, training, on medication or something.

CarolD

I met new sober friends when I joined AA....we did all sorts of interesting
fun things outside of meetings....and it is still true today...years later...

I also did volunteer work and took classes that interested me
.

bmwcycle

It takes a while.

I have meet new friends that are both sober and non-sober during my time not drinking. Through the same channels I did before, fishing, riding, business, coaching kids sports and going to bars, clubs etc..

I have lost s few of my old friends, lost is the wrong word, I do not see a few old friends that often and when I do they are either resentful that I do not drink or insufferable bores when drunk so I avoid them.

You will find that if you just be your self things tend to work out. Now that you have some alone time, figure what it is you are missing from a Friendship? What exactly you are looking for?

best of luck,

sonrisa

I realize that once I eliminate all my party friends, I have very few that would still be down for hanging out sober. But there are a few. Someone emailed me on Facebook today actually telling me that she'd love to have a cup of coffee or tea with me sometime and chat, because she likes a lot of what I post on Fb. We haven't hung out before, she's not a partier. I have a lot of Fb friends I don't really know, but they're friends of friends and friends of friends of friends (hehe) And a good way to figure out who might turn out to be a good person to know versus a superficial friend, is to watch what they put up on Fb.

As I look back on the times I spent drinking socially (I did it socially up until a certain point) I realize I had nothing in common with those people except drinking. Now I go to meetings a lot of nights but sometimes, I just want to hang out at home. There is nothing wrong with that either. I used to feel pathetic when I didn't have plans on a weekend night and now I see how silly that is. If I can't be comfortable in my own company, I can't be comfortable in the company of others, and other won't enjoy my company either. I'm spending my time getting to know who I am, and becoming a person who doesn't have to get drunk and act out in order to feel alive and noticed.

onlythetruth

For me, rebuilding my life took me to new activities and new places where I met new friends. I met them at the gym. Met them on charity bike rides. Met them in the neighborhood. It took some time, of course; making real friends takes time and effort. I think this can be disconcerting to some of us, who think making friends ought to be as effortless as making drinking buddies. It isn't, but it's a whole lot more worthwhile.

Flyersfan

Thanks for all the responses... I am having a really hard time with this still... I am super alone during the week, maybe I'll meet some nice people at this fundraiser I am going to on Saturday .