alcoquit

Ok, I'm at my 9th day and I don't want to drink. But I'm very afraid of that split second decision my mind makes let's drink and enjoy the moment. And later I might regret. Today was one such occasion. I bought these concert tickets months ago so I went there. People on my right and left are drinking and I can smell beer, it's hard to resist. Today I did resist only because the person I went with was a non-drinker. I'm afraid that if it were my own friends drinking left and right and telling me to have a sip how can I avoid in that environment.

Also, how should I socialize now ? Because alcohol is everywhere. What do you guys do, here are some of the things that come to my mind

- hiking, cycling, trekking
- reading books, manga. watching animes, documentary alone
- going to movies with friends
- going to a good restaurant and not ordering drinks (definitely not to a pub)
- concerts, football game (those were on my list but I think not, because these are places I will be tempted to drink)
- video games can be fun
- sports, gym

what else ? What do you guys do ?

rws177

I started doing Brazilian Jiujitsu a few years ago and it has completely changed my life in so many ways. I'm in great shape and have this sense of confidence when I go out or do anything in life really. The first few months no one really talked to me but I just kept showing up. Eventually I started to make friends in there and now most of my social life revolves around it. About two years into it my instructor learned of my alcoholism when I was going threw a rough patch. He told me that when I am down real friends will ask you to train or work out while others will ask you to drink and be miserable with them. There are a ton of things do besides drink. I know for me that trainning bjj has given me a second family.

Dee74

I had to make some pretty sweeping changes, to be honest, alcoquit.

I took myself completely out of those alcohol fuelled social occasions for a while.

I worked on myself and my recovery, and I resisted all the invites from my drinking buddies.

I wasn't a hermit - I went to movies and coffee dates and art galleries and whatever - but you know yourself the situations where you'll be in danger and where you'll be fine.

All my drinking buddies drifted off...when I did feel committed to my sobriety, I caught up with old friends and made new ones.

I didn't go back into social things involving alcohol until I felt like I could handle any situation, stay true to myself, and not drink....and be happy with that/

It took a few months - but I still think it was a wise investment.

It's like developing any muscle - it takes some time, some effort and some commitment - you start off with small goals and work your way up to the heavier weights.

D

whatevername

Heres some things I like to do in sobriety
-build models
-lift weights
-martial arts
-gardening
-going on "ghost hunts"
-sightseeing
-videogames (although I dont suggest this one as it can throw off sleeping patterns with me)
-painting
-watching comedies
-cleaning house
-drawing
-fishing
-drive out to a lake and have a fire and roast some hotdogs/marshmellows
-collect seashells
-carving wood
-walking
-looking for cool stuff in secondhand stores
the list goes on...

I dont go to places where people are drinking and certainly not concerts, but thats just me. I have had my share of "good times" at concerts already. I used to be a chronic music listener...but I realise it can easily trigger me...so now I pick the tunes I listen to very carefully...that is if I decide to listen to it all, seems I dont need it as I need to have clearer thoughts as of lately without any extra influences.

All the best

winslynn

You join AA brother.You are going to have this the rest of your life,AA will teach you how to deal with it and be happy.

alcoquit

I'm not a believer of God. I know little about AA but heard it has to do with God. So AA might not be the right place for me. Hence I'm trying to have these changes in my life.

Hollyanne

Hi Alco,
You just did fantastic with the concert!
You went with a non-drinker. Brilliant!
Honestly, AA is more about a group of people with a common goal of getting and staying sober. Give it a try. Do not dismiss anything that might help
Loads of good suggestions above. I have to get out and about to get away from myself!
I do know that I had to change my friends for a while. Anyone trying to get you to drink is not good. It isn't that they mean any harm, they just don't see the seriousness of the situation. I am friends now with people I drank with, but in a different way.
When I got a job, my friend of twenty years said we couldn't celebrate as I wasn't drinking anymore! I just laughed. We celebrated by going for a nice meal with friends and they had a drink but I didn't.
Do whatever you need to do to stay sober. Look on SR for different help available. Face to face support is very good.
All the best! Anne

Gottalife

Hi Alco,

If you are meant to be in AA, John Barleycorn will send you along in due course. It all depends how far down the road you have travelled. It is true AA has a spiritual solution to alcoholism but belief in God is not a requirement to join. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. As you say AA may not be right for you, but failing to check it out might be a fatal mistake. The first step is diagnosis. If you borrow an AA Big Book and read the first 58 pages including the doctors's opinion you will have a good idea if you need AA, provided of course that you are honest with yourself.
The book explains the typical charateristics of alcoholics of my type - the hopeless variety - and the doctor states that unless a complete psychic change can be effected, there is very little hope for me. There it is- what I needed was a complete personality change, a new way of life, and that is what AA is about.
They have a great little book called Living Sober which is full of practical suggestions of how to get through each day. I found it very helpful, perhaps you will too.

BillyPilgrim

Hi Alco
For me it was working out what my triggers were , and avoiding those situations. Some of them were silly ones - like sitting infront of the TV with a bottle of wine , that is still a no no oddly enough (I get round it by sitting in bed watching on my laptop, which isnt a trigger, we alkies are barking if nothing else!)

Other things I can handle, like a nice meal (I have a speciality tea, I have replaced my inner wine snob with a tea snob). Concerts I can do , but have to be careful, as I do like small clubs.

It takes time to conquer every trigger, but it can be done, and you do feel better for it.

Find new interests, exercise is good, because as you get better , you do not want to spoil the endorphin rush after exercise with a drink

Good luck!

winslynn

You don't have to believe in God.The AA program was put together by atheists,agnostics,and Christians.AA is not so stupid as to try to prove to you the existence of God,as you work the steps you will come to feel empowered not to even think about drinking .And then you will realize that God is proving his existence to you.That something is going on with you....and you will wonder about it.

kanamit

Let's not less this discussion degenerate into the well-trodden "AA is spiritual, not religious" debacle. The OP is not interested, please respect that.

alcoquit, you already have a lot of good ideas there. They key thing is not to let yourself think life is going to be miserable unless you're drinking. It will only be that way if you tell yourself it will be. I don't know if you're familiar with it but the Allen Carr book is great for giving you confidence in a life without alcohol.

Dee74

There are, of course, secularly based, non 12 step recovery methods too alcoquit.

I recommend you visit our Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step, non Higher Power based approach

D

DayTrader

I cleaned my house like a maniac. I'm talkin' "inspection" clean (I went to a military college so I'm well acquainted with thorough cleaning......lol). Hands and knees......scrubbing base boards, scrubbing grout, toothbrush to get grunge out of corners, long duster to get all cob-webs off of ceiling and corners, vacuumed ever inch of carpet slllllllooooowly and carefully, did ALL the laundry, started ironing golf shirts and dress shirts, ironed all my golf shorts, cleaned the garage...... then, I started painting. Started with my bedroom.....2 coats. Then did the family room.....2 coats. Didn't like the familyroom color choice so I did it again....2 coats. Next, I painted the 3 other bedrooms......2 coats each. That kept me busy for a couple months I think.

........that said, all that stuff did was keep me somewhat occupied. I still thought about drinking and I wasn't really changing much INSIDE. As life went on, and as I stayed more-or-less the same internally, especially in my thinking, the more it dawned on me something else was going on here. There was more to me than just my alcoholic drinking cuz I wasn't drinking anymore and things were still "off."

.....that's when I started really digging into AA. I turned off the techno, or the rock, or the heavy metal.......and put on open talks. I realized that entertainment wasn't changing me......so I better be looking for what needs to stay, what needs to go, and learn how to bring that about. AA speakers helped me greatly.....I could have them on while I was cleaning/painting/etc. From those guys, I started to see that alcoholISM was really what was beating me up......not JUST the drinking. And the thing with alcoholISM, it doesn't go away when you put the drink down.

The more I listened, the more I identified with them.....and coolest of all, the more I tried to do what they had done.....the better things got. Eventually I got the painting and cleaning done but I'd also found a new direction for my life........a direction with "recovery from alcoholism" as my target and so long as I stayed focused on that......so long as I kept taking actions that got me further down that path........ all the thinking, the depression, and the other junk cleared up.

The "God-stuff".......that came in time. Most of the ppl who've been around AA talk about God but MOST of them weren't like that when they were new. Like me, most new AA ppl don't set out with a big "God belief." What we do is work the steps and for most of us, some sort of relief, some sort of faith.......some sort of power......seems to be coming from somewhere other than from where I'd usually look for relief or power (new car, get loaded, new clothes, new girlfriend, another girl on the side, more money, etc). Whether you call it God......or karma......or whatever is up to you.

Anyway.....I did a lot of other stuff too: golf, rode my bike, got a puppy (have his pics in my profile somewhere), but the best advice I could give would be to get active in recovery.

liamsdad

The changes you've made are great, Alco! Once I got sober and realized the barroom was no longer an option I went back to playing baseball, got a girlfriend who became my wife and we are blessed with two kids. I went back to school and earned a BA, MA, and am working on a doctorate. I changed careers(actually got a career). I hike, go to the gym, play with my kids, study a lot and am active in my union.

Life is good. I also go to AA. I didn't believe in God at first, now I do. Just my experience. Check out Dee's link. He's a wise man.

Mike in Boston

2granddaughters

Drinking for me was only a symptom.. like the part of the iceberg that's above the waterline. Quitting drinking is as easy as "Don't put the bottle in your mouth".

Now staying "quit" and addressing the issues that precipitated my drinking is accomplished through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

foodie1

Welcome alcoquit! One of the very first things I did was make a list of 101 things to do instead of drinking. When I quit it was totally out of the blue, I wasn't in treatment or any kind of recovery program. I found this tool worked really well for the first couple weeks as I "learned to walk." My list included things as small as eat a snack up to big things like go on vacation. I figured that way I'd have all my bases covered and wouldn't be caught wanting to drink and unable to find something to fill that time.

I will say that system only got me so far. There are plenty of secular recovery programs, and having a "program" (a new, recovery-based way of living your life) IMHO is what keeps people sober for the long term.

Wishing you all the best, glad you're here!!

DayTrader

Seconded! Great advice.

Just dealing with my drinking didn't work for long.....working on the REAL problem (alcoholism and the 3-part nature of it) had some lasting effects.

Mark75

Depends on the time of year... This weekend it's fishing. I ride bike. Canoe camping when the water is up. Go to concerts, I love Jam Bands. In the fall I like to hunt and in the winter I ski... And while I have friends that drink socially that I do those things with, I have done each of those with my AA buddies also. I also play guitar

I also spend too much time on the computer, often under the headphones, listening to the Grateful Dead, SCI, WSP, Railroad Earth, OCMS....

I do Everything... everything I used to do, and want to do.... except drink or take pills.

9 days? At 9 days I was just not drinking. It gets better, much better. Keep coming back!!

celticgenes

have you tried meditation? I know, woo woo, out there, etc. Google "free meditation", there's a good site with guided meditations from 1 minute and up. Really, wouldn't your mind want a 1 minute rest?

I do 5 or 10 minutes twice a day when I can. Clears the clutter.

Good luck.

celticgenes

sober since 4/8/2005

FattyMcFatty

I do triathlons! (This is funny because if you saw me, you would laugh) I'm 5'9" and 270 lbs. I love it though, and I don't even come in dead last. I'm learning to swim, bike and run. I have a good time telling my friends that I'm an athlete now.

When I'm in drinking situations, I just say "I don't drink anymore, My off switch is broken". 99% of the time, people say "Good for you".. Some people inquire further, and now I'm at a point when I can give them my two cents on what a great story AA is, and how big this problem really is. Near my home, there are several meetings every day and they are full of a LOT of people. It is a disease, and it's just not me being stupid by choosing to drink.