Having fun in sobriety
 

Hi All. I've been struggling with this lately and would love to hear how other people did it/do it/are doing it.

I just celebrated 5 years and "should not" be feeling this way but I am. After getting sober in DC I essentially just buried myself in work. I just moved to CA like 3 months ago and am still in the same mode. I'm from here, back home after being away for 8 years, and it's tough! What I'm finding is that a) I have no social life yet but b) the only way I know how to have fun is to party. Still. I hang out with my old friends who still drink and it's good to see them but they're boring to me now. I used to like being with people I felt comfortable with. I still do but ... I'm also seeing that working so hard then only knowing how to blow off steam with alcohol (now food) isn't the answer. it sort of hit me thatm, wait, I need to do sober things to have a sober life. Beyond shopping or going to the gym, or whatever. And it's not about filling the hole wtih external things.

I guess it's being healthy. That's how you start? I used to like taking hikes. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?! How did your life change? Old friends? What did you find/think? How did you feel as things changed/how has your life changed and how do you find joy now? seriously.

Thanks for listening and sharing

What do you care about? Find out what it is and then build your life around that. The only thing I'm passionate about is music, so my sober life is built around creating the best music I can make. Maybe you are really passionate about your career, so build your life around that. It doesn't sound like you have a family, but if you did that might be something to live for.

Other than that, as far as a social life goes I'm not sure what to tell you. Still trying to figure that one out myself. I'm trying to connect with people at my church and that's been somewhat successful. I'm also a member of Toastmasters -- which has helped me develop my social skills as well as connected me with other people in a non-alcohol focused environment. I've heard meetup.com is a cool place to connect with people that have similar interests. If you like to read you could start a book club -- put up flyers at a coffee shop to find other people to join. Just some ideas.

Good luck

For me it's sailing. I managed 63 days away on my boat this summer. I belong to my local yacht club, have served on the committee, and spend plenty of time doing and jawing about things nautical. I also belong to The Little Ships Club which meets once a month and has speakers that talk about anything to do with the sea. The last one was a lady skipper of a cruising yacht talking about a voyage through the Pacific islands. She was such a good speaker and told the most amazing stories one of which was about a whale and her calf. Just spellbinding stuff if your interested in that sort of thing. this year I sat and passed a boatmaster exam. I also entertain quite a lot, having owned a restaurant in sobriety I am not a bad cook. In fact when I sponsor someone new I usually give them a good meal before we start on the steps. When I am a away sailing I meet other sailors and socialise and when in port I visit AA meetings - a real treat. there is soo much about my life that I enjoy like going to my daughter's piano performance at school, infact I will sit through the whole class doing their pieces, the girls are all so talented. I did Toastmasters as well and it was a huge amount of fun and great for confidence. In terms of fun I'm only scratching the surface, but if you want to have fun and enjoy life, take the steps, then get out into the world, don't hide in AA. There is so much out there waiting for you.

Hi cc8 :)

I have 5 years too - congratulations :)

I figured drinking would kill me so I really needed to find out new ways to relax, or decompress, to have fun.

I find exercise really helps with stress...but I also found I really had to take a long look at my priorities and expectations - I let go a lot more things now than I used to - I try to worry a lot less, and I delegate a lot more. I try for a work/play, me/them balance - I don't always make it lol - but I try :)

As far as fun goes - I think the only real limit is our imagination.

I picked up a lot of old hobbies - like music & history - whatever your interests are really :)

Socially, I reconnected with a lot of old friends, and parted company with my drinking buds...

I enjoy low key things now...I think I only ever 'liked' parties because of the opportunities to get drunk, to be honest.

My life is quiet, but I enjoy it more than ever - it's a life that fits the authentic me, y'know?

Best wishes in finding the kind of life that fits the authentic you too :)

D

Volunteer. Find a cause to support and give of your time.

I was 30 yrs old, 8 yrs married, 2 lovely kids
when I got sober via family intervention. A
28 day inpatiant before i was released and went
home to my little family.

I will say that having my little family kepted
me busy because of all the resposibilities involved.
I truely believe i was in the right place at that
time in my life even tho i began my recovery
journey of many changes within me and around
me.

What I had for 25 yrs in that marriage were
gifts provided from Above and yet how restless,
irritable and discontent I was. However, i continued
on my recovery path a day at a time, crying,
praying, and turning it over to the Man upstairs
to guide me and protect me on my journey.

Eventually i was granted a wish and my prayers
were answered so i could return home to my own
roots here in Baton Rouge, La. where I wanted to
be for so long.

A ticket given via a Bank job interview in which
I got the job and thus allowed me to return home
and end my 25 yr marriage that i lacked understanding
and communication from my little family after I got
sober.

Fast forward to today, im remarried, retired, happy,
joyous and free in recovery. Ive never been big with
friends or family and truely enjoy life with one other
person. We dont care to be around lots of people or
crowds. They're tolerable but just the 2 of us is what we
enjoy. We enjoy and look forward to taking long safe
trips on our triked out Road King to various places.

As far as everyone else in the world, i accept them
as they are and try not to take their inventories to
the best of my ability. As long as I live life with my
Faith and program of recovery to guide me thru life
then im a happy camper. :)

The rest is just life.

You get an AA home group and a new sponsor and some service committments.Then you will feel better.
If you got sober in AA you have a moral obligation to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

CC8, are you attending AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

Hi CC8,

Hiking's a good option. See if there's a local chapter of the AMC in your area. Also, the sparkpeople website has a sober section with all kinds of meet-ups and activities for a healthy lifestyle.

I keep busy with my kids and studying. Right now, however, I ache all over from playing with them yesterday. At 52 I think I need gentletr hobby - like lying in hottubs!

Best of luck and be careful. A friend of mine had 8 years and felt like you do and went right back to shooting dope. The difference is he never told anyone how he felt - you've done that and moved in the right direction. Stay strong - sober's better.

Mike in Boston

Hi CC, I can't offer any helpful words of advice as I'm still so new, but I just wanted to say hello and to hang in there. I'm guessing sobriety and recovery, just like any life, is going to have these lows scattered throughout. Sounds like you're doing the right thing by reaching out. All the best to you :ring

It's inside you.

You do not mention alcohol, with 5 years do you still feel it's pull?

Thank you everyone! I REALLY appreciate your feedback. Thisisme - I do think about alcohol from time to time, which I hadn't during the first few years of sobriety. I think probably having to do with being back home in my old haunts and also not turning to food (working on that) which became my replacement addiction. It's still there. Hard to believe!

That's helps too about the idea of hanging out with new friends (not the old drinking buddies) and doing what's authentic to me.

Thank you guys

Well I guess I'll just piggyback on what most people said, but I just had to really dig deep and figure out what made me truly happy. What I found is that is competition (sports), health (working out and nutrition) and supporting causes that mean a lot to me are what makes me happy. I was just thinking about your dilemma the other day but in the opposite sense. I have an indoor soccer tournament this Friday and I am as excited....no wayyy more excited than when I was drinking had a big social drinking event planned on the weekend. I also support two seperate cancer societies since I went through chemotherapy in 2010, and these events expose me to amazing/genuine individuals that make me excited to live life. I hope this helps, but I have only been sober for 14 months so I am still on a pink cloud :) and I can assume that at 5 years it takes some extra effort to stay motivated. I hope you find something out in Cali that will enrich your life so that your fleeting thoughts of alcohol dissapear, good luck!!

Washington DC is such a great area to immerse yourself in outdoor hobbies. Drive an hour (more or less) to the west, and you've got mountains, drive an hour (more or less) to the east, and you've got the coast. My membership in the AMC (Appalachian Mountain Club) is some of the most satisfying money I spend each year.

A few years ago, I took a job for the summer in the Arkansas Ozarks. The job turned out to be more of a nightmare than the five-week idyllic working vacation I had in mind when I took the job. After about a week of some serious liver-pickling drinking (easy to do in party-town Eureka Springs), I was sitting out by Beaver Lake, and I saw a guy paddling around in a kayak. He told me where there was a nearby outfitter, so completely on impulse, to keep my mind off drinking, I bought a 10' kayak and haven't looked back. I bought it as an alternative to booze, and it has remained so several years and many paddle trips later.

I'recovered' stuff i had done in the past- skiing, whitewater etc. later i became a rabid bass/pike fisherman... threw a little camper on the truck, bought an old boat and spent 5 weeks in Northern Ontario. Learned to meditate. Played music again. Read challenging tomes. Worked the steps. added 3500 sq ft of shop and and a "glass room" to my home, wrote a novel...
Now i raise a few chickens and am building my 3rd boat- a 31' catamaran. Learning to gas weld. Still call my sponsor. I have some sponsees. Got one hell of a lot more time n money n ambition than i ever had before recovery...

This thread is very timely for me. It will be 5 years this year since my husband and I quit drinking. But recently he said he "misses having a beer with supper".
I don't think it's so much the alcohol as the social aspect of it. Our friends disappeared into thin air when we told them we quit, muttering things like "well that f.....g sucks".
My husband wouldn't attend meetings of any kind, because he didn't want anyone to know that he had quit. He's on the road 6 days a week with work and when he is home doesn't want to do anything. I understand that he's tired but I feel obligated to stay home with him when he's here. We've been to two family weddings recently and he was not wanting to attend and started to complain about being there as soon as supper was over. He doesn't "dance" anymore; doesn't play cards anymore.

I asked the my Rehab counsellor how to get him interested in a social life once we had quit drinking. All she could tell me back then was to take "baby steps". Well, it's been 5 years and I'm sick of waiting.
This thread has some great suggestions, but I guess what I would like to ask for are suggestions on how to motivate my spouse to find a life.
Thanks.