LAdrunkard

I attended a meeting tonight that I had attended twice before and had liked a lot. It is a discussion, leader speaks for about 10 minutes. There were about 10 or 11 of us in attendance. After the leader spoke for his 10 minutes a new guy to the group gets up at to take a 22 year cake and proceeds to give his thank you speech with a long drunk-a-log that goes on and on. At about the 10 minute mark I got really incensed and left the room. When I came back at the 15-20 minute mark he is still talking with no end in sight. I went to my seat, picked up my keys, turned, cut him off and said "You're not the speaker, you're just taking a cake!" and walked out in a huff, and he just looked at me and continued to talk and have I no idea how much longer he spoke, he could have spoke another 10 or 15 for all I know. Was I wrong to do this? What would you have done? At what point to you act to stop someone from taking a meeting hostage when there is no timer?

Johnny3times

'your just taking cake!' lol like it mate! :rotfxko dont worry about it man, ive done much worse in my early days of going to meetings, i was very irritable and had little tolerance for people that harp on about themselves all the time, i think its to be expected for some/if not most of us...they will know this and understand...its all good mate

TigerLili

Not all meetings have a time limit on how long people can speak. Some meetings give people a 5 or 10 minute warning in the form of a little card with a smiley face or some such.

You did what you did. I personally wouldn't - someone with 22 years might have a few things to teach me even if they go on for a long time.

I agree with you that if he was talking for more than 15 mins, I reckon it's too long. However I don't see it as my job to cut someone off, unless it's been agreed by the group conscience that they will limit time and let people know when they need to wind up and I've been delegated to do that.

I would just suck it up and go outside for a ciggie or go make a cup of tea if I didn't want to listen any more. Most people get the message they've spoken for too long because the groups gets fidgetty when people go on and on.

Try not to get a resentment over it. You said you'd only been to the meeting twice, so you don't realoy know if the guy was new or not. Maybe it was his home group when he first got sober or some such. I try not to judge others. I do really get where you are coming from though. I would have been annoyed too. I sometimes sit there rolling my eyes, thinking 'Get to the fracking point!!!!!!!!"

whatevername

Personally I wouldve just left without saying anything if it bothered me...but I have seen worse at meetings.
Once I was told to give someone else a turn as well as I was rolling on in a rant.

candie

I shouldn't laugh but your post has really cheered me up this morning

Veritas1

"Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our actor is self-centered--ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays."

How It Works

~

I used to get mad and walk out of meetings.

What right do we have to cause harm to the others at the meeting by our rejection of how the meeting is going?

The meeting, the speaker, the people, ...are not doing it the way I like.

All together now...

Selfishness, self-centeredness....

~

If you are sorry for what you have done. Go back and say you are sorry. Make a mess, clean it up. You get to go back and say, "I am sorry for my bad behavior."

"Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."

How It Works

Taking5

Having only attended that meeting twice, you are in no position to know that meeting's MO when someone celebrates a birthday. I wouldn't have said anything.

BackToSquareOne

I would have just left if it bothered me that much. To think the thought "Oh just take your stupid cake and shut the hell up already" is one thing, to act out on the thought is quite another. I think an apology is in order.

Sally1009

I probably wouldn't have said anything just because I tend to bottle my feelings up. I'd have either sat silently fuming, or left like you. I doubt if you have caused any harm though. Don't let it eat away at you.

winslynn

You did nothing wrong.When somebody gets carried away and the chairman is too inexperienced to tell him,"Thanks for sharing".And end the B.S.,just leave,you don't have to say anything.

Cheers,Steve

BillyPilgrim

I think you should live and let live we get droners who list every person they ever drank with, and wonder at their fate (being in UK it is often with an unintelligible scottish accent) They have a problem , and have come to AA to sort it. I would never question their right to speak. Many have personal problems, and I think that AA is their only social outlet. I have big issues that made me come to AA, so I would never question what someone is doing there, or if they are talking too long. If they invited this hopeless drunk, I am grateful for them
If you want intelligent reasoned debate, there are other forums. AA is self help. If you think someone is going on too long, then politely make your apologies and leave.

Sally1009

"Unintelligible Scottish accent"!! Oh dear, yes, I do know what you mean! And even worse - the infamous Geordie accent...Sometimes one has to work VERY hard on being non judgemental

SOBERINNEPA

I went to a celebration meeting in January. Four people were celebrating and the first guy gave a 40 minutes recitation of his life drinking and how he felt, and the "awesome spiritual growth" he achieved, doing each of the twelve steps. By this I mean, he recited the each step, from memory, and described, in excruciating detail, just how he mastered the step.

It was incredibly tedious.

least

I would have left too, tho without saying anything. I used to go to a discussion meeting but stopped going when certain people would go on and on and take up too much time on their own share. So I just would leave without saying anything.

BillyPilgrim

the thing is with the scottish ones, all their pals do seem to be called Jimmy!

stairs

Yeah that's what I did. The core group ruled and allowed each other to ramble on and on. It got on my last nerve. I just left.

jojoba

You did the correct thing. You acted as a manifestation of God's will, showing that speaker that he was over-sharing.

SSIL75

I think that was obnoxious and poor form.

sugarbear1

Sounds like a Celebration Meeting to me. 22 years of continuous sobriety? Wow! Awesome! We have our celebrants take over during their celebrations, as decided by our group conscience.

What's really bothering you? This is what my sponsor would have had me look at, not the other person's behavior. Consider this a learning experience.

BackToSquareOne

Embarassing a guy getting his 22 year cake in front of a group is "a manifestation of Gods will", wow, wow, wow... You really see nothing wrong with that?