DayTrader

It's not my place to say if you were right or wrong......nor, do I think, it's anyone else's place to say. Right and wrong boils down to your conscience, your spirituality, and your relationship with God.

Some parts of the BB come to mind in this situation, particularly pages 60 - 63:
...requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success / almost always in collision with something or somebody / like an actor who wants to run the whole show...and the rest of the players in his own way / if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great / Our actor is self-centered—ego-centric / Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles / First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work.

and then some other stuff in the book:
I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me / we let God be the final judge / they, like ourselves, were sick too / asked God to help us show them...tolerance, pity, and patience / This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? / We avoid retaliation or argument / place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands / And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone / As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action


Then the two biggies:
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves / After all, our problems were of our own making

I'd recommend you read through those lines pulled from the book and apply them to your situation. So the meeting didn't go the way YOU wanted it to go, for you. Maybe it went the way it was supposed to go for someone else? Maybe the guy getting the cake was sicker than you and was close to drinking and needed to do that "share" that night. What if someone else in that room REEEALLY needed to hear something he said or they were gonna get drunk? As someone said above, maybe that's protocol for that meeting......you've only been twice and aren't (I assume) a home-group member.

As for the display you made on the way out, I'd reeeally spend some time in prayer with that one. Was it your will or God's? Did you do what you wanted to do (ie running the show, wresting satisfaction from life by living it your way - aka playing God) or were you doing what you were supposed to do in the eyes of God? He may have been disrespectful in taking too long (then again, maybe that's how THAT group operates on his or every homegroup member's birthday) but I don't see you you being disrespectful makes things any better. My BB suggests that living my life in resentment, anger and in line with MY will will be my undoing.

Finally, those last two BB quotes (in bold above) are worth spending some time with. IF you were troubled by him......something was off with YOU, just like if something is bothering me, it's MY problem....I'm off the beam. When I'm spiritually balanced and connected to my God......things like a "crappy meeting," bad drivers, mouthy kids.......etc don't bother me. I can see that they're "sick," forgive quickly, and take actions to correct the situation that don't harm anyone. When I'm off the spiritual beam.....I start to play God again: I get judgmental, want to run the show, feel it's me who should direct everyone, and think in terms of 2-wrongs are ok so long as it's me "getting back at them" in the end.

I dunno how long you've been sober but this looks like a GREAT opportunity to do a 4-column 4th step on....especially when you're still hot at the guy! Those have been some of my most "educational" inventories. Regardless of what "he" did at the meeting......you're responsible for your actions. So, take your actions, plug them into the steps/book and see how you did - were YOU working the program?

2granddaughters

The guy must have accepted 21 cakes in the past and likely done the same thing. Did the other 11 persons in attendance get up with you?
It likely did the birthday person a lot of good to get things out in the open... I have my 23rd coming in July and I am by no means "cured" or out of the woods. Geez, I ran on too long at the closed meeting yesterday morning (in hindsight).
Was your sponsor at the meeting with you, what did he think? How many cakes have you received? The birthday person may have saved the best for last and you missed it??!!

We had in our group last month a guy who celebrated 46 yrs. They asked him to say something and he said "Keep coming back"... I wish he would have shared MORE about what he had learned. Us alkies never seem to get what we "want".

LA, the fact that you are here trying to get approval tells me that you are uneasy with your behavior at the meeting. Time for your own personal 10th Step and be satisfied with it's outcome.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I have felt your discomfort many times. I just sat there and listened as best I could knowing that it was the better thing to do (for me). YMMV.

All the best.

Bob R

candie

LMAO the one at my meeting last week, was actually called Jimmy and was Scottish, but was very funny and interesting

Threshold

If you couldn't "hear" any useful message in what he was saying, and you felt your hackles going up, I think stepping out was a good choice. But see, it's about YOU, what YOU feel comfortable with, and by cutting him off, you were trying to make it about him. Judging his behavior instead of simply taking responsibility for your own.

Would you think it appropriate if at that moment someone has said "hey, it's rude that you are leaving"

There are speakers and meetings I've felt I needed to walk out of. I have felt just like you have, irritated to the core. Foot stamping mad. Grumbling all the way. Still, that's my issue, and it's no one's responsibility to deal with it but mine.

jojoba

I'm sure other people felt the same way at that meeting but they were too timid to take bold action like the OP did.

Rambling on like that was ego-driven behavior on the speaker's part. He should know better after 22 years. If he doesn't know better, the people who sat silent did him no favors by not calling him out on his behavior. He can't change if he doesn't know that he's irritating people.

2granddaughters

That's my point. We are getting an internet text message with info from an unknown person and have no way of confirming IF the 22 yr sober speaker was out of line or whether the poster THOUGHT the speaker was out of line.
The guy may have been giving a heart-felt share and the OP was just upset.
If his sponsor said (and we would have to take that info as unconformable) it was bad and many of the others in attendance were restless and twitchy and had walked out too (and we would have to take that info as unconformable) then he "may" have a case.

If I am uncomfortable and have to leave, I try to politely excuse myself... not blame it on people, places and things.

The old saying holds very true here "It's better to be thought a fool than to open my mouth and remove all doubt".

All the best.

Bob R

DayTrader

I'm with ya Bob.

If I'm so upset at what someone at a meeting is saying/doing that I feel compelled to get up and leave, that's a REALLY good indication that I'M OFF THE BEAM - that I'm not working the steps/program (especially the love, tolerance, pausing and asking for direction, and forgiveness parts).

I've not been driven to leave a meeting yet...but I hope that IF that day comes, I'll say something directly to the person(s) involved in a way that's respectful to them.

Spawn

We all have moments we're not proud of.........that's okay
Hope you go back to the meeting?
If anyone says anything just apologize and move on it's all apart of the learning process.
I'm sure you'll witness someone-else having an off day

LAdrunkard

I was at another meeting just 2 weeks ago in Hollywood and a guy used his entire speech berating Native Americans and saying they were all a bunch of worthless drunks who once they start drinking just go on and on. He said they were all crazy. Later, I raised my hand and shared that many years before similar comments were made about my own ethnicity and that I didn't say a word and it bothered me to this day that I didn't stop him. I said that we have to be very careful with the words we use when we talk of race, I said that if I were Native American I would have been very upset. I mentioned that there could be one in the room now. The thing that many of you here don't realize is that I may have gotten drunk had I not spoke up in either of these situations and maybe it was God's will that these 2 members hear what I had to say. After having slept on this issue that dogged me through the night I have come to this conclusion: I am sorry that I told him in the manner that I did but am not sorry that I spoke up. If I had to do over again I would have gently thanked him for his sobriety and said that time was running out and that others still want to share, including myself. If I see this man again I will say to him I am sorry for saying it in the manner that I did.
I don't think being sober automatically makes us doormats. I can understand someone newly sober needing to mouth off but that person also needs to learn that he does not live on an island and that his actions affect others, and if no one says anything to him he never learns that. The guy last night had 22 years, he was not new. I needed to share last night and I also have to be true to myself. Given the choice of doing what I did or keeping it bottled up and drinking afterward, I choose the former. Believe me, it would have been much easier to say nothing than to say what I think the entire room felt. All I know is I woke up feeling good about myself and knowing that had I said nothing I would have woke up angry at myself and thinking f**k AA and been thinking about drinking. My biggest issue is learning to speak up in a civil acceptable manner, but speaking up none-the-less. I want to learn how to state what I think is right and fair without coming across offensive or hurting others. But s**t happens. It is far worse to say nothing and keep evertyhing inside.

stugotz

Well, when I have to ask if something is wrong it usually is. Just sayin...

Fallow

Yes you were wrong to do this. I would have simply made the decision to endure his drunk a log or to walk out and gone with it. I would never 'act' to stop someone from taking a meeting hostage unless it was my job to do so.

To say that you needed to share at this meeting or you were gonna pick up sounds like a warning sign to me. If he talked through the hour you could still talk to someone after, your sponsor, or come here to 'get it off your chest'.

I wouldnt beat yourself up over it though I would say it sounds like that apology is in order.

LAdrunkard

Stugotz, life is more complicated than that. Jus' sayin'.

Mark75

I have a rather paradoxical approach to this kind of issue in my own crazy mind, I speak for myself only...

Meetings aren't that important. What happens before and after is important... talking to a newcomer, hearing another's concerns, fears, whatever... strengthening a friendship, making plans... all that. If someone is droning on in the meeting about what it was like or just spouting AA slogans and all, I just figure that shutting that down might be too high a cost in "karma", especially if I am the one spearheading that effort, LOL.

Meetings are that important. I want to be there when it happens, when the higher power is expressing itself through the hearts and minds of those in attendance.... It's a beautiful thing... I never know when that is gonna happen, and uh, who am I to judge if it does or doesn't for someone else... but I do know that it can't be forced.

Waiting until I am p1ssed off, about anything, anywhere, about anything, anywhere, to speak up... is always a catastrophe, well, a mistake at the very least.

Do the good meetings carry the bad? To me they do, as long as there are some, good meetings.

stugotz

Very true, but once I learned to stop acting like a child it got alot easier.

LAdrunkard

To say that I was acting like a child is very judgemental and insensitive of you don't you think? In fact, it's quite insulting and simplistic to say what you just said. It's something I would have told someone when I was drinking. Did you read my followup post? I said my biggest issue is learning to say what's on my mind without hurting or offending. Comprende? I want to learn to not do what you just did.

stugotz

Hey bud, I said "When I stopped acting like a child" Anyway, it took me over a year to stop letting every thought I had come flying out of my mouth. You will learn discretion, just not over night. It took a while to realize that I am content being happy instead of right all the time. Hope that explains it a little better.

DayTrader

LA, ca-mon.........really? You ask for opinions, get them, and are insulted by the one's that don't tell you what you did was OK?

Fallow

I hear you. I just think if cross talk was allowed many meetings may devolve into boring arguments.

The problem is the meeting isnt going how he wants it to go. Im sure they all know now.

awuh1

I cannot control what happens in meetings. Thank God.
You cannot control what happens in meetings. Thank God.

2granddaughters

Bingo, LA!!
All good things I set out to accomplish got screwed up by my over-the-top methodology.
It's not so much what I did but the way I did it that put people off ......

I thought the fact that the man kept speaking after you berated him spoke well of him.

Anyway, none of us were there to get a first hand account of what transpired.
Probably lessons on patience, acceptance, live and let live etc to be learned here.

In the words of the wise man (Kenny Rogers) "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away... know when to run"

All the best.

Bob R