BackToSquareOne

Did anyone ever try to figure out the dynamics of giving up on sobriety? Perhaps if we had some kind of understanding of just what it is that drives a person back to an alcoholic lifestyle we would have a clue as to what the missing pieces of the puzzle were.

I once had almost a year off of everything, was mostly happy, had no reason I could think of to drink but did it anyhow. I went to a bar after work with friends, had a few drinks and that set the whole thing in motion again. The obsession seemed to have returned to where it left off a year prior. I continued to drink for many years after that.

To blame it on an obsession tho seems kind of cheap and easy. Face it there is nothing whatsoever attractive about an alcoholic lifestyle. Jails, courts, psych wards, rehabs, job losses, divorces etc. etc., none of that is enjoyable so why would anyone choose to live that way?

Having been sober for several years I often reflect on things like this and to be honest I don't completely understand it. I would never go back to that way of life but in trying to help others you need to understand why they're doing the same insane things you did. If you don't completely understand why you did it and can only share how you quit aren't you still missing the most important part, the why of it all.

The reason I'm posting this is because I just came from a friends house who refuses to even talk about his alcohol/drug habits. It's killing him by degree and he doesn't seem to care. He inherited a lot of money when his father passed so I guess he can live as he chooses. Kind of sad tho to watch someone destroy themself. He did have quite a bit of sober time in AA but this would be over 20 years ago while he was still married.

Anyone have any insight as to why a person would want to go back to that lifestyle, I don't really understand it.

alcoquit

For me, I think it is the happy times that are hard to avoid. When I'm depressed, I'm aware I should not drink. When I'm happy, it's the rush of the moment that I can't avoid. I also think it's partly addiction and nature of the person.

SomethingBetter

"Jails, courts, psych wards, rehabs, job losses, divorces", Ive never experienced any of that, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought.

When things get that bad then maybe I'll quit for good...

I dont know, it's hard to say, but it's true, Ive never experienced any of that, so it would be easy to compare myself to others and in my mind justify a reason to drink.

The question for me is why do I stick with sobriety, I guess at some point there is a shift, I too have friends that refuse to stop living as I used to, they stop, then start back and repeat the cycle, I hope someday they too will experience the shift that sets them free.

Ranger

BTSO - I think that for some, there is a lot more behind getting loaded than there is for others. I believe this is one of the major reasons why there isn't a "one size fits all" approach to sobriety.

To me, valuing drunkenness to the point of familial alienation, homelessness, and perhaps an untimely/ugly death is beyond "oh that Ranger, he just likes to get drunk".

With that said, I've no doubt there are plenty of alcoholics who return to booze because they miss the "good times". It some cases, maybe a lot of cases, I suspect it really is that simple.

Sapling

Maintaining sobriety takes work...You have to remain vigilant...People get complacent and they drink one or two...And it's off to the races.

Boleo

I made the 30 day mark dozens of times and went back to drinking afterwards. However, it was not the drinking lifestyle that I was searching for. It was to get a release from the care boredom and worry of being
stone-cold-sober. Being sober was making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

It was not until I was able to attract some peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose into my life that sobriety was worth having. It was the spiritual awakening that made me realize that fulfillment was what I was really looking for. That is why I like to say:

"Not-drinking has nothing to do with why I am sober today"

desertsong

For me, I think it is having a brain that just seems to require a "high" of some sort. I have a very addictive personality. Alcohol gave me a great high for awhile, until I just sunk into the abyss and I couldn't get those good feelings back no matter how much I drank or what I drank. Back in my 20's, I was also addicted to Vicodin, and the high I got from that was amazing for awhile. Like the booze, that stopped working after awhile too. There was also a time when I was also a compulsive shopper, which was a different sort of "high" but still worked on some level. Even my smoking seems to do something for my brain - the occasional nicotine rush can feel really good.

Last week, I was having problems with my back (again) and my cousin gave me a Vicodin for the pain. I can only take so much Advil because I have problems with ulcers, and I'd already taken 8 that day and was afraid to take more. I hesitated to take the Vicodin but wanted the pain relief, so I took it ... and WOW. A half hour later, I was feeling so good that I wanted to hug everyone and tell them how wonderful they were. lol But it also scared the crap out of me, and when my cousin offered to send me home with a few extra pills for later, I said "thank you, but NO." I know all too well where that can lead.

I'm convinced that I've somehow conditioned my brain to crave that feeling of "euphoria" that comes with a drink, a pill, whatever. Sometimes the trigger is boredom, sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's just that I want to feel different from whatever I'm feeling at the moment, no matter what my mood might be. My challenge now is finding an appropriate and healthy replacement that will still make my brain feel good while not destroying the rest of me.

2granddaughters

UUuuummmm... I'm guessing "Insanity", in conjunction with a really short memory.

All the best.

Bob R

Veritas1

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Veritas1

Could be:

likes the effects produced by alcohol
alcohol works for him, alters his perception of reality
gives him a sense of ease and comfort
can't live with or without alcohol
can't stand the way he feels sober
unmanageability
powerless
in the grips of a compulsive disease...compulsion
problem hasn't been removed
fear
resentments
anger
self pity

the list is endless as to what would drive us back to our active alcoholic life...

Veritas1

Thank you Boleo...

A Vision For You

"FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt—and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did—then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, “I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time.” As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

We have shown how we got out from under. You say, “Yes, I’m willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?”

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."

BackToSquareOne

All of the above posts make sense, it could be some combination of factors or maybe it is one thing. A lot of people on this forum have looked at life from both sides. Those that have lived thru the really horrific side of the equation know what an alcoholic life is like. When someone has been sober for many years and chooses to go back to the insanity it's incredibly hard to understand. The brief periods of pleasure are in no way worth the 9 kinds of hell that go along with it.

Boleo

Same effect - Different cause.

Veritas1

This makes for a good example of how "it's not about time".

Scolova

Alcoholism has always been with me and will be with me til the end.
As Sapling said, if I get complacent I will drink again. I must choose the best revenge possible... to Live Well.

Jeb18

I feel the same way. It's like I feel like the next time I drink I will be fine and nothing bad will come of it. But, I planned out my 21st b day (which already passed, and I didn't drink) but I was planning an epic party where to have it, who all to invite what I would buy, it was going to be an epic night. I brainstormed for a good hour lol. Than I in my head I said WAIT! I didn't realize that my obbession with alcohol that was great.

I feel confident enough to drink w/o troubles, but once I drink, im gonna go balls out and go back to the old obbessive drinker I used to be.

Firehazard

Good topic as I have picked up the drink and drank it after some sobiety time and good gains in the mental health arena. I now have retraced that decision a bit and learned from it. Maybe I can help others with it.

There I was off the streets, had a nice cozy apartmet, license back, truck and I decided that I "deserved a beer". That thought right there I have pinpointed as a insanse thought as viewed with the knowledge of past wreckage and suffering, etc....

Why did I have that thought I have also been able to uncover through daily prayer, inventories and communication with others honestly.

At the time that insane thought happened I had not been willing to face the fears that drive me into isolation, and anti social behavior. I know that know as the use of alcohol and drugs were just symptoms of a much larger problem.
I strongly believe that those tendencies and continuos distorted emotions thinking is what makes us want to escape by turning to the feel good substances even though they may not work anymore. That is insanity.

Now if I am not moving forward healing and growing daily by facing my fears with help. I am moving backwards. I need the willingness to work for recovery EVERY DAY my old ways/ideas (all of them just do not work)

eJoshua

Most people who drink, or drank, alcoholically have a tendency towards addictive behavior. Even after long stretches of sobriety, your natural tendencies don't change. It could be genetics or something else, but for whatever reason that urge never seems to die. So the solution as I see it is to live a life of proactive sobriety.

Tiger can't change its stripes, but if he learns to sleep in the right bushes he'll never be eaten.

jojoba

If someone decides to quit sobriety, that must have been what God intended.

oberyn1973

I'm currently going through this (relapse after multiple years sober). I think that I didn't do enough work on a lot of the issues that had caused me to drink to begin with. It was a coping mechanism for so long that when things got stressful (bought a new house, more stress at work, etc.) it was a lot easier to fall back on that old way of coping rather than practice some new/different strategies. I also telling myself I didn't like the alcoholic label. From there I started questioning whether it hadn't just been a phase I was going through. LOL. A "phase" that only lasted most of my adult life. Of course no relative, friend, or co-worker who'd ever seen me sober and then saw me drunk would suggest it. If someone else with my drinking history asked me if it was a good idea to start drinking again I'd have judged this person insane for even thinking about it, much less actually following through. I just used whatever faulty reasoning to justify it and I've had the hardest time getting back on the wagon.