From the other side, but have a 90 Day Question
 

Im from the Alanon side and hoping you can help me with this question.

My xah has been a heavy drinker for most of his adult life. The last couple of years he went from a 5th every couple of days to a 1/2 of a gallon everyday to every 2 days...Alterated between whiskey to vodka.

Last year he went to a 28 day rehab. That failed. Continued to drink for the last year and is currently in a 90 day rehab center now. Only one week left to go.

I talked to him once when he was 60 days sober. Then I talked to him last night at almost 90 days sober.

Last night, I could not believe the change. It was not a good change. It seemed like his condition/attitude got worse. He seemed more confussed than ever. Very depressed.

He said he had a job when he got out. But I asked him when he had the interview. He said that he has the application, but hasnt sent it in yet. But swears they are going to start him at $50-$100 per hour. He seemed pretty confident that he has the job.

He said the center wants him to stay there an extra 30 days to help with newcomers, so he might do that.

I thought the "fog" was suppose to be lifted around 30/60 days.

I was just shocked that he sounded so lost and confussed. I have never heard him like that. He never even sounded that lost when he was drunk.

Ive had alot of anger, for the things that he has done to me and my family and the position that he up & left us in. But I will be honest, after last nights phone call. I literally sat there and balwed my eyes out. I will never get back with him, but I would still love to see him sober and learn to enjoy life and embrace his recovery.

I know your not doctors that can view his brain, but I would like to know, if this can be normal for some alcoholics, without calling it "wet brain"

PS: Thanks for letting me jump over on this side and ask for your help!
Hope everyone has a great day!! :tyou

It took me about 4½ months for my head to level, but the problem is precisely that the fog starts to lift. You're catapulted straight into reality, which, to an addicted person, is kind of like jumping onto oncoming traffic. That said, he may actually have some sort of depressive illness separate from the alcoholism.

Alcohol causes depression, so it's not easy to tell if that is the case while drinking, and standard psychiatric protocol usually requires 90 days of abstinence to arrive at a proper diagnosis. Since he will soon be at that point, it might be worth looking into, with the understanding that no psychiatric medication on Earth will work if he starts drinking again.

As someone who has been sober for some time now, several years, I can still remember that one of the most daunting parts of early sobriety is when as you put it, the chemical fog begins to lift and reality starts to come into focus.

Think of alcohol as a thick pair of gloves and life as a rose bush. When you have the gloves on you don't feel the thorns and you don't appreciate the soft beauty of the flowers. When the gloves come off we can feel both and sometimes the fear of the thorns makes us timid to get out amongst the flowers.

The "real world" is much different than a structured environment of rehab or even the haven of AA meetings; morning, noon and night and I have seen and still see folks who literally become AA junkies. What they “might” do becomes their safe place and the actual doing becomes something we talk about and hesitate to put into action.

Most folks need to take a deep breath and let go of the side of the pool and start swimming in the stream of life before they develop confidence in their abilities to function without alcohol. I would venture a "guess" that you may be hearing fear more than fog or God forbid a "wet brain." Time will tell, but hopefully he will use the support outside of rehab that exists in a program like AA. There is no magic in AA, just folks who have done what we are trying to do when we first re-enter the world. AA was my "safe place" when I got jittery about living, however it became increasingly a scheduled stop and not my destination, the longer I stayed sober.

Small victories, growing self-confidence and some friends and family who are supportive of our "attempts" to live a sober life are really the things that allowed me to grow into a life of sober living and over time one that I truly enjoy.

I haven't said anything very insightful, but I hope my experience will give you a glimpse of what the world can look like after we stop looking at it through the bottom of a glass. BTW, when I quit I was 46 years old and was consuming as much as two fifths of Canadian Club a day. That was in 1999.

Best wishes to you, your family and your ex. The pleasure is worth all the pain.

Jon

That's positively delusional.
That aint much better.
Youv'e got something other than alcoholism going on here.

I agree. I spent 130 days in rehab and the only people I saw get worse were the ones skipping their meds or the ones getting unauthorized meds.

PAWS is not likely to get this delusional.

Rehab isn't a cure.....it's a treatment....
once he leaves rehab I hope he continues to go to meetings.............
recovery is a life long journey.
He will go through different phases....highs and lows......
this is normal try not to read too much into it.
If he continues to stay active with his recovery he will stabilize.
I went through the exact same thing.
The first year for me was a real roller-coaster ride......
I went to meetings and saw my counselor faithfully....and I did it med free.
It wasn't easy but it was well worth it!
Recovery saved my life!


Don't they talk about this in your group?

Something seldom talked about but nevertheless very real is the aspect of what the person has left to go back to after recovery. It is quite possible that his state of confusion is being exasperated by an inability to accept the reality of the situation. Latching onto recovery as the destination as opposed to the path is not all that unusual. Recovery should not be a path to recovery, it should be a path to a normal life. Still way to early to speculate tho.

Anybody thinking wet brain?

I had the fog lift and the intense emotions but what this lady is describing sounds like it might be some serious impairment. Maybe she should try to talk to his rehab counselor.

:c029:

I have been through something like this myself and seen it often in treatment centres.
Stage one - bewildered, frightened, open to treatment.
Stage two - Group dynamic kicks in, get comfortable, know "the form", dodge the issues, gain validation from like minded inmates. Cousellors try to break through.
Stage three - Imminent departure, realise I have done nothing about myself, have no plan to survive out there, fear sets in again, ask to stay longer.
Stage four - had to leave, drank again, Go back to stage one, do not collect $200.00

Perhaps other issues are indicated here but his medical specialist should be on to this.
Rehab can be a great way to get started, if one can stay open minded and make the most of what is offered, but it must be followed up with solid support and effort towards a new way of life. Otherwise nothing permanent can be accomnplished.

I was in a 90 day rehab in '89.
I suggest you talk to his group leader or whoever is in charge at the facility where he is. My recovery home had meetings for spouses and I think your concerns are best answered by the professionals who have been with him for 3 months.

God works in mysterious ways. Never give up but cover all the bases yourself as best you can.

All the best.

Bob R

(I can still get in a fog today because I'm an alcoholic and always will be... or at my age it might be early Alzheimer's ??!!)

Wow. This is a good post. I completely agree.

PURELY opinion:

I was a massive liar. I got progressively worse (lied more often) the more I sank into alcoholism. By the end, I'd lie about just about anything. It was my little way of "winning." ...which, for the loser I believed myself to be, was vitally important now and then.

Sounds like he's doing the same. "please stay to help newcomers....." that's downright cute. LOL Then again, maybe they told that line to him figuring they'd get his ego to rear up and accept the "invitation" to stay longer.....which is probably because they think HE needs it more than because he's so much better at working with new ppl than the professionals are.

I'm not a reliable source as to when the fog lifts. I'd tell you I was in good shape at about 2 or 3 months. The girl I was dating at the time, who was a BIG part of my life, who knew me a little before I got sober and has known me well since I got sober...... she'd tell you it was about 2 years before there was a noticeable improvement in my thinking, decision making, morals, choices and lifestyle. .....well, maybe not TWO years but she'd say for sure the changes came MUUUUUCH slower than she had hoped.