quitting, just have some questions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
well...on day 5 again...dont know if the clock restarts if you only have 3 beer on the weekend, but it was a personal failure to me. still strong and have no urge to run to the liquor store, just a few drinks with friends...with a price, constant motive to not drink is what happens a few days after, nice little mental episode complete with mood swings ,blackout, and confusion as to where i was and what i was doing. also, since i promised my friend i would if that ever happened again, went to the medicenter...kinda a waste of time, told them i was quitting drinking...and just blank expressions, even after saying i had a few seizures, mental glitches, and mood swings...all they told me was my blood pressure is perfect. going to a different place specifically for a blood test soon.
even in the darkest hour
when the sweetest things taste sour
when hope seems lost, and nothings real
so broken that you cannot heal
remember there is always light
strong enough to make wrong right
look inside yourself and see
the guiding light to set you free
even in the darkest hour
when the sweetest things taste sour
when hope seems lost, and nothings real
so broken that you cannot heal
remember there is always light
strong enough to make wrong right
look inside yourself and see
the guiding light to set you free
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I second (or third) the suggestion for AA.
Now that eating better is part of your routine, where's the exercise? For me, some physical activity really makes a difference. It's also a good way to work off some stress. If your exercise of choice has a social component (for me it's tennis) all the better.
Now that eating better is part of your routine, where's the exercise? For me, some physical activity really makes a difference. It's also a good way to work off some stress. If your exercise of choice has a social component (for me it's tennis) all the better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I really second the exercise idea. And I am very sorry about your heartbreak.
A good workout gets your brain endorphins going and this is going to feel good. It also helps normalize sleep and you need sleep now more than ever.
Try not to be alone too much. Even if it's just taking a book to a busy coffee-shop, the company is soothing and slightly distracting.
Best wishes to you in your journey and keep posting.
A good workout gets your brain endorphins going and this is going to feel good. It also helps normalize sleep and you need sleep now more than ever.
Try not to be alone too much. Even if it's just taking a book to a busy coffee-shop, the company is soothing and slightly distracting.
Best wishes to you in your journey and keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I'm sorry for your bad day....
I hope you feel more energised tomorrow
If there's one thing I've learned it's that we make our lives what we want it to be.. waiting for someone else to do that is pretty futile.
Having been though nearly 45 years of life now, both in recovery and not, I really feel we can be a passenger in life or we can direct our engine where we want to go....we can passively accept things or we can make an effort to be a participant in our future
it's up to you...
(& my advice is don't waste the next 8 months - there will be a 2013...and even if I was wrong? who wants to waste their last 8 months of life?)
D
I hope you feel more energised tomorrow
If there's one thing I've learned it's that we make our lives what we want it to be.. waiting for someone else to do that is pretty futile.
Having been though nearly 45 years of life now, both in recovery and not, I really feel we can be a passenger in life or we can direct our engine where we want to go....we can passively accept things or we can make an effort to be a participant in our future
it's up to you...
(& my advice is don't waste the next 8 months - there will be a 2013...and even if I was wrong? who wants to waste their last 8 months of life?
)D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
aa, exercise, groups of people...whats the point? what little motivation i had to do anything is gone...it was hard enough before, now there's no point. the one bit of strength i had, the one thing that kept me fighting, is gone now. i have absolutely nothing left, im done fighting. not going to drink, im done with that..and not suicidal...but god is surely a *******! if it is his plan for me to go through life completely miserable, in utter sadness, and completely alone...so be it, the worlds ending in 8 months anyways, i'll spit in his face when i see him then. sure it will send me to hell, but im already there!! devil cant top this ****! just wonder what ive done in this, or a past life that god sees fit to punish me in this way...(life was hell for me way before drinking even started)...he wants us to believe in him...i helieve in him alright...if he dosnt exist i'll have no one to punch in the face when it all ends...and thats really all i have to look forward to at this moment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
so far every attempt at steering my life in a new direction has ended in failure...try to make a train go somewhere the tracks dont lead and it derails...which is where i am...completely derailed, and this time theres no one to help me back onto the tracks...all i managed to prove today is everyone i have ever known that has said one negative thing or another about my life...things i refused to believe because they were hurtful...were actually right. there really is no purpose for me, i tried fighting for a brighter future, but i feel i have to get back to the reality ive known my entire life...the only thing i've really ever looked forward to is death, so if the world dosnt end...im pretty much screwed over, because then i will have nothing to look forward to, nothing to live for.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
This place here is full of people who changed their lives for the better - I'm not sure why you would feel that's beyond you...but it's not.
Yes it will take work and effort and commitment and patience - but it's not beyond any of us...including you.
This is not about God IMO..it's about you.
I believe God can move mountains, but I also believe He gives us the shovel...
I spent years in my old life because it was familiar to me - I was scared to change, I was scared to try - deep down, I didn't feel I deserved any better...but of course I did...
and I believe you do too....if you'll give yourself the chance.
Start digging your way out somwan - you'll find a lot of support here
D
Yes it will take work and effort and commitment and patience - but it's not beyond any of us...including you.
This is not about God IMO..it's about you.
I believe God can move mountains, but I also believe He gives us the shovel...
I spent years in my old life because it was familiar to me - I was scared to change, I was scared to try - deep down, I didn't feel I deserved any better...but of course I did...
and I believe you do too....if you'll give yourself the chance.
Start digging your way out somwan - you'll find a lot of support here
D
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Well the first thought I would have you entertain is that because you think something does not make it true. Lets take the first sentence in your last post. “so far every attempt at steering my life in a new direction has ended in failure” Nope. You have had many days sober in the past couple of weeks (with the exception of one day on the weekend). So, the truth of it is you WERE able to begin to turn the train. And on the most difficult part of the trip… the first couple weeks.
That’s a beginning. So, my point? You are turning even positive things into negative ones. I’ve got to think you have some depression underlying your alcoholism. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons you came to enjoy alcohol? I don’t know. Just a guess, though on these things I have a fairly good track record. Consider some help for your depression, as well as your alcohol problem. Then you can post some encouragement for likeminded souls.
That’s a beginning. So, my point? You are turning even positive things into negative ones. I’ve got to think you have some depression underlying your alcoholism. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons you came to enjoy alcohol? I don’t know. Just a guess, though on these things I have a fairly good track record. Consider some help for your depression, as well as your alcohol problem. Then you can post some encouragement for likeminded souls.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts
Posts: 30
I'm new here also. I've been sober for 19 days
I've been going to the gym after work (replacing my drinking) and working up a sweat has really felt great! I push harder thinking of all the crap coming out of my pores.
Also, I plan on getting to AA meetings ASAP.
Best of luck to you, somwan!
You can be strong (and you deserve to be sober and happy)
I've been going to the gym after work (replacing my drinking) and working up a sweat has really felt great! I push harder thinking of all the crap coming out of my pores.
Also, I plan on getting to AA meetings ASAP.
Best of luck to you, somwan!
You can be strong (and you deserve to be sober and happy)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
im pretty sure i can do it alone...again i will say aa is not an option for me, antisocial..and counseling is too expensive....i had support when i started this journey, but lost it on the way, which i view as a sign from god that its better for me to go it alone...better that than lose any more people in my life (down to one...myself)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
You aren't alone. You have reached out for help here on SR.
I don't think any of us was on a winning streak and the picture of mental health when we quit drinking.
But, many of us have recovered. My life today, sober, is far better then I could have even dreamed for when I was drinking.
You deserve to live a full, content life..please give yourself the gift of that opportunity.
I don't think any of us was on a winning streak and the picture of mental health when we quit drinking.
But, many of us have recovered. My life today, sober, is far better then I could have even dreamed for when I was drinking.
You deserve to live a full, content life..please give yourself the gift of that opportunity.
AA Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: California
Posts: 5
somwan~
Allow me to relate a little of my experience. I'm not an expert but I've managed to stay sober for 9 months now on my first try after 40 years of drinking and drug use.
I wanted to quit for at least the last 10 years of my usage but the compulsion was too strong for me. I fancied myself to be strong and independent and didn't think I needed anybody's help to do anything. I always had a strong belief in a Higher Power that I will call Spirit. For many years, I asked Spirit to help me quit but the compulsion never wavered. I spent many hours of my life alone-- I liked to call myself "introspective" and "contemplative". I was really just afraid. Our minds are capable of playing great tricks on us. And I couldn't stop drinking for very long on willpower alone. I finally hit my bottom and went to AA. It was not hard to admit that I was an alcoholic/addict but it was VERY difficult to admit that my life had become unmanageable because, after all, I was strong and independent-- I didn't need anyone's help. But the fact was that asking for help-- to another human being, face to face-- was EXACTLY what I needed. I needed to face that fear. And I needed to let go of the steering wheel.
We are here in this world to help each other and care for each other. That's why you see so many other recovering people taking the time to try to help and encourage you-- because they've learned that. Spirit wasn't going to just relieve me of the obsession out of thin air-- it needed to work through other people. I couldn't relate to Spirit but I could damn sure relate to other people and it was the love and acceptance and experience of my AA fellowship that relieved me of the obsession to drink/use. I found out that I wasn't alone. I guarantee you that there is nothing that you are going through that somebody else hasn't already experienced. Consider getting out and attending a few meetings. Nobody is going to force you to speak or do anything you don't want to do. And you might hear something there that will save your life.
Love and Light to you, my friend~~
Allow me to relate a little of my experience. I'm not an expert but I've managed to stay sober for 9 months now on my first try after 40 years of drinking and drug use.
I wanted to quit for at least the last 10 years of my usage but the compulsion was too strong for me. I fancied myself to be strong and independent and didn't think I needed anybody's help to do anything. I always had a strong belief in a Higher Power that I will call Spirit. For many years, I asked Spirit to help me quit but the compulsion never wavered. I spent many hours of my life alone-- I liked to call myself "introspective" and "contemplative". I was really just afraid. Our minds are capable of playing great tricks on us. And I couldn't stop drinking for very long on willpower alone. I finally hit my bottom and went to AA. It was not hard to admit that I was an alcoholic/addict but it was VERY difficult to admit that my life had become unmanageable because, after all, I was strong and independent-- I didn't need anyone's help. But the fact was that asking for help-- to another human being, face to face-- was EXACTLY what I needed. I needed to face that fear. And I needed to let go of the steering wheel.
We are here in this world to help each other and care for each other. That's why you see so many other recovering people taking the time to try to help and encourage you-- because they've learned that. Spirit wasn't going to just relieve me of the obsession out of thin air-- it needed to work through other people. I couldn't relate to Spirit but I could damn sure relate to other people and it was the love and acceptance and experience of my AA fellowship that relieved me of the obsession to drink/use. I found out that I wasn't alone. I guarantee you that there is nothing that you are going through that somebody else hasn't already experienced. Consider getting out and attending a few meetings. Nobody is going to force you to speak or do anything you don't want to do. And you might hear something there that will save your life.
Love and Light to you, my friend~~
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