stillsleeping

Haha! This is the big one. On the way to the pub with old friends and bigtime drinkin buddies. This is insane!! Am not scared or anxious like the last time, these are good good friends, more like I can't believe the fricken NERVE of me! I am goin to square my StillSleepin shoulders, look em straightin the eye and use the word recovery.

Hell yeah!

Eeek!

LDT

Yikes!! Good luck, SS.

Hope the cojones are colossal!!

2granddaughters

"Lead us not into temptation".... never mind, God, I can find it myself.

All the best SS

Bob R in the colonies

Mark75

Well, yea, insane.

Have a good time. Maybe be a little afraid, IDK, I think it's part of the journey for some of us, going to places that have nothing left there if we are to remain sober. I've been to a few bars since putting down the cup, I found, for me, getting comfortable in that environment was actually more worrisome than being a little on edge.

Be vigilant and have a way home.

SOBERINNEPA

One of the few, or should I say first, right things I've done was to tell the people around me that I'm an alcoholic in recovery. I was really fortunate in that my friends, all of whom I used to drink with, "got it" right off the bat. They know I no longer drink and they don't invite me for a happy hour rampage but they're still in my life and thrilled that I'm no longer killing myself by yards.

Good for you, Still. You never know where you're going to find a cheer leader.

langkah

4/6 'I can't be around drinkers at the moment. I managed it the other day but not out of choice, and I'm not going to again for a while'

OK, a while is now defined. It's less than a week. I suspected that when people tell me they've been sober a while.

Speaking from experience, you may not always like the results if you allow your cojones to do the thinking too often. Or your cajones.

winslynn

Foolish in the extreme.You can't have one foot in the bar and the other foot in recovery.

desertsong

Good luck with that, Sleeping. I really hope you can do it. For me, it would be like being on a diet and having someone put a chocolate lava cake in front of me and telling me not to eat it.

stillsleeping

Thanks all for your responses, and your concern, but I'm good. Vey very excited about seeing my friends and sticking it to my AV. Another day I wouldn't be able to do this but today I feel strong and my resolve is good. Can't wait to be surrounded by old friends and tell them about the journey I've started.

Again, thanks to everyone who has dropped by. And thanks for the spelling correction

InsertNameHere

As long as you know where you stand you should be good StillSleeping, I know it wasn't a temptation for me the last time I went out. At the same time though I didn't go out with friends or to a familiar place, I just ended up at a random bar, I also had a purpose other than drinking i wanted to play pool. I don't know if all that makes a difference and I don't know your friends maybe they will say "awesome I wish I had your cajones" or something to that effect. Oh wait what is it you Brits say instead of awesome, brilliant is that it? hahahahaha thats what the Harry Potter movies tells me anyhow.

KAMRIZ

I know I don't say much here but I do follow some posts and certain people.....and INH and SS, both of you are two of my favorites on this forum.

SS - I know you will be perfectly fine tonight, have a great time with your friends.

INH - I like you, you're a cool dude.

:ghug3

langkah

'And thanks for the spelling correction '

Your spelling is perfect. Cajones is 'drawers' in English. And English women not thinking with her drawers seemed to fit with the general gist of what I was talking indirectly about. And it was very funny. Unlike now that I've explained it.

Terminally Unique

It really depends on how you are looking at this, stillsleeping. If you are looking at it as a "test," I'd say you might have a problem. Some of the things you wrote, such as "I managed it the other day" and "another day I wouldn't be able to do this" indicate uncertainty about not drinking, which does raise some flags.

You mentioned the AV, but I'm not sure if you are using AVRT, which does not encourage running away from alcohol. With AVRT, though, this sort of thing is not done as a 'test', which suggests possible failure, but rather to draw out the Beast (the desire to drink) in order to observe it and cement the separation. It is understood that we won't drink.

Can you sit through four hours of television (two movies) and have several open bottles of beer (or whatever you liked to drink) on the coffee table in front of you the entire time without flinching or being afraid that you'll drink? If you can't do that, you might want to at least think about the implications.

wellwisher

Color me silly, but if you were truly using the AVRT method to deal with the addictive voice, the word "recovery" and "addictive voice" would not be compatible.

If you are opting for the AVRT method to achieve abstinence, I'd learn about it before I put myself in a precarious situation.

Sounds to me like you are stepping into the lion's den with cotton balls stuffed in your ears; not with a loaded howitzer.

But what do I know?

wellwisher

Thanks for the explanation - lol

bmwcycle

Good Luck tonight and I hope it works out for you. For me it has not been a big deal to go to bars, clubs etc.. I go often to watch sports and catch up with long time friends, and enjoy it thoroughly.

DayTrader

Still...there's some stuff in the AA book that applies.... (my underlining and bolding)


And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone; even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and will find that this happened automatically.
We see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality; safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky, nor are we afraid. That is our experience.
That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

Still.....
You're in charge of living your own life. You're adult enough to drink, you're adult enough to recognize what you're thinking/feeling. That said, a big % of the ppl who hang out in bars "with no VIABLE reason for being there" (i.e. you work there, it's part of your job, there for dinner with family, etc) don't fare well.

My experience, I was not discouraged for going to hear a jazz band play in a bar. I was warned....given some advice.....but the decision was mine to make. It's only a dangerous / dumb decision IF I go in spite of a deep down feeling that you know you shouldn't. Needlessly putting yourself in harm's way is reckless and with alcoholism, very dangerous. --my problem was I was pretty good at hearing those warnings from within yet ignoring them and pretending I never heard 'em.

There were a couple weddings I didn't go to.....and lots of trips to hang out with my buddies at the bar that I didn't go to. I didn't know for sure that I'd get drunk......but I was feeling some warnings coming up from inside. Sometimes though, like when I was trying to control my drinking / quit......yet failing miserably --- sometimes there wouldn't be ANY warning at all. I'd just find myself halfway through a double...didn't even remember starting. Times like those....when you don't even really know how the heck you started....those were the ones that convinced me I better find some recovery with depth and weight or I'd likely just keep on drinking.

And finally Still..... that stuff I quoted from the AA book above...that's somewhat deep into working the steps and it's stuff that ya get, like it says, "so long as we stay in fit spiritual condition." I believe we get a grace period for a while.....at the beginning....but it's not permanent. The permanence of recovery, from what I've seen, has always required some work - work to stay in "condition."

InsertNameHere

Not gunna lie, it made my day reading that, thanks!

stillsleeping

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to post on this thread. On my fone so not goin to be fancy. Forgive the list, its simpler:
this place and your support/encouragement/caution mean a huge amount to me
not looking for a test - thanks for the warning. Looking to spend time with dear friends in a way I always have
dont know much about avrt - av seems to be a good way to refer to the alien (or beast? Feels like an alien to me) who arrives in my head with white knuckes. I will do more reading
some days i have a desparate thirst for booze and drugs. Some days I just want them. This is one of the second kind. On a whit knuckle day I wudnt have gone within a mile of that pub.
I am absolutely committed to my permenant and forever sobriety.
My friends when i told them were beautiful amd I am terribly glad I went

Sorry if that all sounded functional rather than lyrical and sorry that i havent addressed some posts this bus reallly is very bumpy! Will follow-up with pms. You guys are awesome xxx

Thanks and love you
Still Sober
xxx

stillsleeping

Okay, on a keyboard so am going to try and do this properly:

LDT, thanks! I believe they are and am glad I got the balls to back em up heh heh
Bob R, thanks for your support and concern
Mark, I liked the advice 'be a little afraid' - I'm going to hang onto that one, thanks
Sober, "One of the few, or should I say first, right things I've done" this is lovely - everything is beginning...
Langkah, my favourite jokes are the ones that need explaining. And thanks for not only the levity (you know I respond well to levity) but also for the pun which I can't wait to try out on the other English teachers. Also for quoting my words back to me - I am a great believer in reflection.
Winslynn, thank you for your directness (there's a better word but I can't for the life of me think what it is...) and I appreciate your candour - that's the one. But the English are believers in foolishness. We are not historically cautious. But we are brave, and sometimes our courage pays off.
Desertsong, thanks for your support. Nice metaphor too no wait, simile. Ha!
INH I loved that your serious deconstruction of the problem ended in a celebration of Harry Potter and hysterical laughter. Fckn love you man xxx
Kamriz, what a delight to meet you and thanks for the vote of confidence! I was alright! xx
TU, thanks for the notes about AVRT - the little I've read about this rings absolutely true to me, but I do need to do more reading. As I said above though, I'm not looking for a test. I don't feel like I'm making gradual and steady improvement, like at some point I'll be 'strong enough' - every day is different for me. Right now I could wrestle bulls, tomorrow I may be an angry crying white knuckling mess. Cravings hit out of nowhere, and that's what I meant, not that I'm struggling with my resolve. I'd be interested to know more about AV.
Wellwisher, thanks for your opinion.
BMW, (nice bike btw...) thanks enormously. I need to know I can do this, and it helps to know other people have.
DayTrader, thanks for the quotes, they were the first notes about AA that have made real sense to me. " IF I go in spite of a deep down feeling that you know you shouldn't." rings very very true to me,(I turned down going to a beer garden with my brother the other day. it was daytime, the kids would have been there, lots of playing and not much beer, but it felt wrong. I knew it was wrong, so I didn't go) as well as the stuff about having a new relationship with liquor - that it exists, I'm just not going to have any. Ever.
And INH again, y'idiot, everyone loves you - you're fricken adorable.

Again, thanks so much for all the feedback, especially to those people who have left me with more questions than answers - day 40 tomorrow, I am past the initial rush and am ready to do some real thinking about what my life is going to be like from here on.

Take care guys.

Oh, and this has taken about twenty minutes to write (I really do like to reflect) so if there are any posts under INH's that haven't been responded to, sorry and thanks.
xx