Spawn

The whole point of recovery isn't to train to be a sponsor or counselor......it's about learning a happy healthy way of living clean and sober.
Giving back can be as simple as being a warm welcoming face in a group.
Only work within your own comfort zone.

FlyerFan

You should make a poll that goes with this thread, so we can all vote and see how our opinions vary.

Spawn

how do you do that?

winslynn

I have a sponsor after many years in the program,and he has a sponsor also.Who are you going to go to when one of your sponsees has a complicated ammend to make and you don't have an answer?
Who are you going to want to talk to when a life crisis shows up sooner or later?Your sponsor hopefully.Don't have one because you're Mr.AA and God is your sponsor?Good for you.

Cheers,Steve

Spawn

not sure who this is directed to?

Sugah

On NPR today, I heard about a study that found a direct link between a person's humility and his or her willingness to help others. Another motivation? If someone thought another, "higher status" person was watching. When we can do it for the former reason, we're ready. To thine own self, be true.

I started sponsoring at ten months sober. I had taken my steps formally, though I hadn't (and still haven't) finished all my amends--I have folks on my list I can't find and haven't seen in more than twenty years, but I'm willing if I ever have the opportunity. Back on the first page of this thread, I read that "amends should be completed." Some of my amends include my daily commitment to sobriety, so they are only complete 24 hours at a time.

I was taught it was not my job to tell someone what to do, but rather to tell them what I did and share with them how it turned out. Willingness is all their gig, not mine. And I learned not to do twelve-step calls alone. I still don't do them alone.

Anyway...I firmly believe that work with other alcoholics is necessary for growing in sobriety. The whole "keep what you have (and get a bunch more) by giving it away" paradox. I'm really glad that the woman who sponsored me didn't say, "Sorry, I don't have two years for another couple of months. You'll have to ask someone else." I think the chances are high, given my other options then, that I'd have died without her guidance. She didn't keep me sober, but she knew the way to sobriety and held the flashlight on the path. I had to take the steps.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

winslynn

I give up.You don't sponsor a guy through through the 12 steps and then drop him,it is a relationship that lasts for years sometimes.

Cheers,Steve

Gottalife

My experience is something similar. At around 2 years my sponsor told me I no longer needed a sponsor (his job was done) and he became my very good friend.
He followed the instructions in the book, the main purpose of which is to put me in touch with a power greater than myself that will solve my problem. To do this he took me through the steps and taught me "how " to think and not "what" to think. He constantly warned me that people have feet of clay (I was beyond human aid) and showed me the right place for my emotional and spiritual dependence.

This did not leave me without people to talk to. I have many AA friends with whom I can be totally honest and I often check my "thinking" with them.
The nearest thing I have to a sponsor is a very good friend who has an amazing spirituality and I learn a great deal from him. But I have never had a formal sponsor since my first.

In terms of dealing with the things life throws at us, there isn't much that hasn't come my way, but as the book promises "we will instictively know how to handle things that used to baffle us".

There is much in life that is beyond the brief of a sponsor, who is really there to help with our common problem. There is plenty of expert help in other areas, legal problems, talk to a lawyer, financial, an accountant, breavement, a bereavment counsellor, medical, a doctor and so on.

What happens when disaster strikes? It has struck my life more than once but my faith has grown over the years and I know, in my heart, with complete certainty, that what ever happens, it will be OK.

FlyerFan

I think you can edit your first post to add one, or ask a moderator to help you.

DayTrader

One of the points that came up earlier I'd like to revisit...... that of "needing" to sponsor ppl.

I don't see any "specific" direction to sponsor ppl in the Big Book and personally, I don't think even the hardest-core, hopeless, powerless, desperately in need of AA's spiritual solution alkie needs to SPONSOR ppl. WORK WITH OTHERS.....now that's another story.

Somewhere around 6 months+ I was worried about sponsorship. I didn't WANT to sponsor anyone because I didn't think I had "enough" to help anyone. Later on, I was sure I had enough but nobody was asking me for help (lol).

Part of my desire to be a sponsor was based in false ego, perhaps a big part of it. Later on though, it was more fear-based. I was worried that, if I wasn't sponsoring ppl, I'd end up losing what I had (have to give it away to keep it, yanno).

Thankfully, I had some pretty cool teachers in AA and one of them reminded me, I don't have to formally be someone's SPONSOR to help someone.

Well......I didn't like hearing THAT! I mean, if I'm gonna help someone I darn well better be getting a snazy new title, some recognition, and some cool door-prizes out of the deal. I had to spend some time thinking about what I'm reeeeally doing here. Am I here to work a selfish program, in it for me, just looking out for me, trying to wrest satisfaction out of AA to make my life happy? .....or am I here to get/stay sober, help others, and do the things my HP wants me to do?

I have to admit, helping guys who were kinda new but had picked sponsors other than me......at first.......it was kinda tough. My false ego was telling me, "They didn't ask for you to sponsor them.....don't help 'em.....let 'em learn the hard way what they missed out on." What an ass.....lol.

I agree with the BB where it says helping others is an experience that must not be missed.....and I don't care if it's at 2 days or 2 years. I leave the "sponsorship" dynamic up to God. I think plenty good can come from having a brand new guy sponsor another brand new guy just like having a 30yr vet sponsor a new guy. As I said earlier, I've seen far more "damage" (and that damage is an opinion) caused by multiple year "sober" sponsors carrying their own message (vs the AA message) to sponsees and passing it off as THE AA message than I've seen damage from "young" sponsors.

To the folks who say they can't effectively sponsor at X months...... I'll say this.....in a way, you're right. A sponsor isn't gonna save a drunk, turn someone's life around, "get" someone recovered. That's God's job....not the sponsor. As a sponsor now, one of my goals is to keep "me" out of the way, act as a conduit to my sponsees to a HP of their choosing, and help/teach them what we do in AA to expand our relationships with a God of our understanding/choosing by working the steps.

My false ego can get out of control at times (I know that's gotta be hard for 'yall to believe - LMFAO). When it's in control I hear things like, "Make him do this.....tell them that.....get him to do these things and he'll recovery faster......etc." When I'm thinking I'm the power that's gonna get someone sober/happy, before long, I start to worry about if I can sponsor someone well, if I should sponsor ppl at all, am I strong enough to do this.....and the usual answer is a doubt-filled "no." And yanno..... "no" is the right answer but it's the right answer not because I'm not worthy....or because I'm not ready......but because I'm NEVER the power that performs those "miracles" in AA.

The (imo) question isn't when can someone sponsor someone effectively enough to get them sober because the answer is "never." The question is when is can someone act as a the window to whatever power is out there and help point someone else to the light....

And if you're new and you're reading this and are pretty sure you're not ready to sponsor someone yet...... fair enough..... that doesn't abdicate you from the responsibility (in AA) for helping others anyway. Keep eyes open for ppl walking in looking clueless....they're new.....go up to them, say hi, introduce yourself, and make them feel welcome. Thank someone after the meeting for sharing what they did at the table. Smile at ppl. Be respectful and get your coffee before the meeting......not while someone's sharing. ......that's "being of service" in my mind. I'm not knocking setting up, cleaning up, doing coffee, and the other typical "service work" but I've found the stuff I mentioned above to be very rewarding to the person I'm helping AND to me.

Spawn

DayTrader good input!

Spawn

jojoba

The BB doesn't say anything about sponsorship, so I never used one, all those years. But so many people wanted what I had, I did begin accepting sponsees.

Gottalife

"...simply lay out the kit of spirtual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help".

Job description of a sponsor taken from Chapter 7 page 95. The only thing missing is the title. What should we call someone who delivers this level of one on one support? Sponsor seems a logical choice.

jojoba

The Promises state clearly that we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

jojoba

I do, if they don't follow my rules.

After they've done their 30 in 30, my rules are simple: no drug/med talk, no outside issues, read a least one page of the BB per day, don't call my house after 8:30 PM.

cfm

LOL, To paraphase Kenny Rodgers

"You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em"
That only comes from much expierience.

PaperDolls

Someone's length of sobriety is no indication of how well they will do at sponsoring someone whether they "have something I want" or not.

I know plenty of people with double-digit sobriety that I would not want to sponsor me .... and plenty that I would. Same with people with less sobriety.

I agree with those here that say and if you've worked the steps and had a spiritual awakening you can sponsor.

I am not responsible for anyone's sobriety or path through the steps but my own. Period. I refuse to take that on. I share my experience ..... you can take it or leave it ..... everyone has to find their own path.

DayTrader

Hey PD! I KNEEEEEEEEEW we'd suck you back into this thread!!!!

LOLOL

thx, you made my day!

PaperDolls

damn it DT!

Did I make any sense?