A little on the edge...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 2
A little on the edge...
Hi everyone,
I am a long time lurker of these forums, but this is my first time posting. I am an alcoholic, and I have been sober since last September. I can't quite believe I've lasted so long, as this time last year, I wouldn't have thought it possible. Red wine was my drink of choice, and before I quit, I was drinking 3 bottles a day.
So I've been sober now for 7 months, and it's been hard, but I've done it. I'd have to bean idiot not to see how much better life is now. My job is going well, I have money in the bank (big thing for me!) my relationships with friends and family are much better too.
However, I'm really struggling right now. I have had a free couple of days to myself before heading away to see family over the weekend, and for some reason, I have it in my head that a drink would be the best thing tonight. My mind is shifting between thinking I was maybe never an alcoholic in the first place, so it will be fine, or telling myself that I am an alcoholic, but one last binge will be fine, especially as no-one will find out. I was in the supermarket earlier, and actually picked up a bottle of red wine to take to the checkout, before coming to my senses, and getting out of there quick! I'm just worried that it's still early in the evening, and I have both the time, and opportunity to go on a binge. The craving is still there, and I could just really use some support from you awesome group of people, just so I don't feel like I'm on my own with this.
Thanks.
I am a long time lurker of these forums, but this is my first time posting. I am an alcoholic, and I have been sober since last September. I can't quite believe I've lasted so long, as this time last year, I wouldn't have thought it possible. Red wine was my drink of choice, and before I quit, I was drinking 3 bottles a day.
So I've been sober now for 7 months, and it's been hard, but I've done it. I'd have to bean idiot not to see how much better life is now. My job is going well, I have money in the bank (big thing for me!) my relationships with friends and family are much better too.
However, I'm really struggling right now. I have had a free couple of days to myself before heading away to see family over the weekend, and for some reason, I have it in my head that a drink would be the best thing tonight. My mind is shifting between thinking I was maybe never an alcoholic in the first place, so it will be fine, or telling myself that I am an alcoholic, but one last binge will be fine, especially as no-one will find out. I was in the supermarket earlier, and actually picked up a bottle of red wine to take to the checkout, before coming to my senses, and getting out of there quick! I'm just worried that it's still early in the evening, and I have both the time, and opportunity to go on a binge. The craving is still there, and I could just really use some support from you awesome group of people, just so I don't feel like I'm on my own with this.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
That's the insanity they talk about in the Big Book of AA...It will be OK if I drink whiskey as long as I mix it with milk.....The great obsession of every abnormal drinker....We can drink like normal people....Bottom line...We cant. You just have to have that firmly planted in your mind....The first one...Is the one that will cost you everything....Congrats on the seven months...Hang on to it.
Sally1009
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Congrats on the seven months. Can you curl up with a good book or dvd? What I need at these times is to have complete distraction, or if you are in AA, talking to someone on the phone to a fellow alcoholic.
Also, as it's bank holiday weekend, you will be stuck in that horrible trap of calculating when the shops will be open, waiting agonisingly until 10am unril a garage is open, or running out when they shut, having to sweat through the night. So not worth it.
Stay on this site anyway. It helps.
Also, as it's bank holiday weekend, you will be stuck in that horrible trap of calculating when the shops will be open, waiting agonisingly until 10am unril a garage is open, or running out when they shut, having to sweat through the night. So not worth it.
Stay on this site anyway. It helps.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
This may sound totally stupid but one thing I always do if I worry I'm going to go and buy beer is take all my make-up off and put my PJ's on. If I do get the urge I figure it's too much effort to get dressed and put a face on or that I'll come to my senses before I've got my shoes on 
Keep posting and welcome x
Keep posting and welcome x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 2
Thanks - I'm just trying to ride it out - writing down all the reason that I want to stay sober. It would be totally daft to throw it all away tonight! It's just tough though. I feel like I've just had too much relentless reality. It's hard having to be totally present for every bit of life with no respite! I just need to get through today, and tomorrow will be a brand new one! I'll stick around on here for a bit - feel good to know that others are out there.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
7 months is freakin' awesome! Congrats!!! That's big.
I had a similar moment like this the other day. It's very rare when my wife & I spend a night away from each other. In the past, on the rare moments when we did, I'd always get hammered. It was like my 'boys night out', only I never went anywhere, and the boys were all 12-oz longnecks. Anyway - the other night the wife went to class (first night back at school), and I'll tell ya what. I was lost. I tried like hell to find something to interest me and I just couldn't. I ended up just going to bed, depressed & bored.
Then I woke up the next day, felt awesome, worked out, danced in my living room, sang out loud, and reminded myself that those rough times continue to shrink in duration and grow in intervals. So I was bored one night. Big deal. I spent my entire childhood bored. It was considered normal back then
I had a similar moment like this the other day. It's very rare when my wife & I spend a night away from each other. In the past, on the rare moments when we did, I'd always get hammered. It was like my 'boys night out', only I never went anywhere, and the boys were all 12-oz longnecks. Anyway - the other night the wife went to class (first night back at school), and I'll tell ya what. I was lost. I tried like hell to find something to interest me and I just couldn't. I ended up just going to bed, depressed & bored.
Then I woke up the next day, felt awesome, worked out, danced in my living room, sang out loud, and reminded myself that those rough times continue to shrink in duration and grow in intervals. So I was bored one night. Big deal. I spent my entire childhood bored. It was considered normal back then
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
welcome Lurkernolonger. I find that it is hard to be grateful and to 'want for something more than this' , or 'relief from boredom' or 'needing a break' and the like. The dose is once a day on the threads and the effect takes about 30 days to kick in- so it is not a quick fix and needs to be daily to be sustained.
it is easy to forget.
it is easy to forget.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome and congratulations on the sober time!
It sounds like you might be trying to get sober by yourself, by just not drinking. I tried that and ultimately it didn't work out. This time around I've finally given up and joined AA. AA meetings and the support of others in the program has helped me get through the occassional "rough patch" where, left to my own devices, I might pick up.
It sounds like you might be trying to get sober by yourself, by just not drinking. I tried that and ultimately it didn't work out. This time around I've finally given up and joined AA. AA meetings and the support of others in the program has helped me get through the occassional "rough patch" where, left to my own devices, I might pick up.
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