Challenged1

Hello~Just wrote a long bit about my journey, tried to post and it disappeared while trying to post...so this will be short. Day 7 without a drink. Much more difficult than I had expected. I didn't realize that I was so dependent on my wine in order to escape this dysfunctional reality I live in. I have been lurking here on SR for 7 days or I surely would have already caved to my wine by now. I had been training myself to be a "functional" drinker the past 4 months, but had another black out 7 nights ago....so here I am.
In all honesty, my desire to quit drinking has been there for a few months, but accelerated by ultimatum from my bf whom I live with. Now I feel this journey is mine for me....can't do this based on threats. If I attempt sobriety his way, it would be sheer willpower, no AA, no contact with people, no therapy, etc..
I want to want sobriety and I do.....however I don't believe I can do this long term on my own. I have had a long relationship with wine. It has been my best friend and my worst enemy...more so the later. I'm so relieved to have found all of you here on SR....my only support thus far that has made a real impact on these last 7 days without a drink. Thank you.

Hevyn

Welcome Challenged1! You'll find many people you can relate to here - we all understand what you're going through. It is hard to give up something that once was fun & comforting - but each day without it you'll feel a little stronger. It will take awhile to heal, but you'll come out into the sun once again.

You're right - ultimatums rarely work. I stopped drinking a few times in the past, based on fear or threats. In every case it failed, & I went back to drinking. I had to save myself in my own way - a way that I chose that would last. Congratulations on your 7 days. You can do this.

RayRayRay

Remember how much of an enemy it is. To me, that is an effective tool. When I remember all the harm drinking has done, it makes it easier to not give in.

It also helps to have a strong support system. I encourage you to get as much help as you can. You never know when you might need it. SR is very helpful. Meetings, counselors, alcohol-free places and activities, are all helpful too.

Challenged1

Thank you both for your support and kind words of wisdom. Yes hevyn, I can relate to many of the people and their experiences here. I take it all in and carry it with me as I do my day to day things without making a stop at the wine aisle. RRR, I constantly remind myself of the harm this so called "friend" has contributed into my life. It really does help keep the nagging temptation from getting to me. These are the things holding me together right now.

Impurrfect

(((Challenged))) - Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

foodie1

Welcome Challenged1

You've done a wonderful thing in coming here, I wish you all the best on your journey through recovery!

rws177

Welcome!

I can relate to drinking being one of my best friends and a way to escape realitly. In the end I had to cut it out of life or there wouldn't me much living left for me to do. I'm glad you found these forums, I know it helps me to see others going through similar things.

I wish you the best.

MsJax

Welcome Challenged Congratulations on your 7 days. Ultimatums are tough, I think it is common to feel some resentment, or martyr type feelings, towards the issuer...

Your sobriety ultimately is your own journey, own choice. There is no reason to have to "go it alone" though. There are so many ways to get help. AA, rational recovery, therapy, AVRT, etc. Very best wishes to you, this site is fantastic.

Firehazard

Challenged, Congratulations on day 7 one week.

I am also a wino and when going through my apt. after a few weeks sober I found six different corkscrews. Hard to drink wine with out one. Toss them

Challenged1

Wow~thanks to all for such a warm welcome
Made it through the final Easter shopping without a mere glance at the wine. Decided to postpone my client for next week being that after my work is done, we sit on the porch and enjoy a glass of wine. I'm going out of town to visit my family over the weekend so being busy was reason enough without getting into details. The truth of the matter, I don't think I'm ready to turn down the vino offering quite yet.

TigerLili

When I came into recovery it was a hard realisation that alcohol had become my everything. I thought my world would collapse without it. It was the best relationship I'd ever had, as well as the worst. I really did grieve for it for quite a long time.

Challenged1

I can relate Firehazard....I always kept a corkscrew in my purse....out of fear it would disappear.

Challenged1

Tigerlili~wine has been my only social outlet. I moved to this area in 2003 and have yet to aquaint myself with any non-drinkers. I'm surrounded by wineries...literally, side to side, across the street. So yes, drinking became a huge part of my life too.

Challenged1

Thank you MsJax~You caught me, a little resentment towards the issuer. I didn't like the delivery. But hey, I'm here now and I'm grateful my journey to sobriety was not the result of a tragic event. Not to say that my drinking has not caused tragedy in my life...it surely has.
I read the link posted on SR to RR, I read all that was avail....some pages missing so I will get the book. I will explore AA as well, need some human interaction so i don't isolate myself. SR has been a great distraction and I'm here to stay

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

2granddaughters

Don't make it his way then, make it the right way.
I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Bob R

Challenged1

You are so right Bob, I will be doing whatever works for me in the process of recovery. If I am not drinking, there is no need for him to "call the shots" as to how I achieve sobriety. This will be a struggle for him to not have control over that aspect of my life. I don't want to bash him, but it is my reality and I want to be honest. The guilt of my drinking made me into a very weak person so it inspires me all the more to gain control of my life.