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Does sobriety ever just happen?

Old 04-02-2012, 03:25 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you brought this topic up. I've been a little nervous about mentioning the same feelings I happen to have (I'm on day 11). No disrespect to the AA members here but a few have been rather "forceful" in their recruitment efforts and preachy, so it's been intimidating for me to just say, hey man, I'm DONE drinking and will NEVER drink again. But that's it and I feel the exact same way. I will absolutely, 100% NEVER drink another drop of alcohol, as long as I live.

Again, I have nothing against AA or it's membership, but some here are so intimidating with it I've been hesitant to just say, back off, I just don't need it right now. Anyway.

There is definitely a difference this time for me. Much like you my last few attempts (ages ago) were "day by day" sort of stuff and no real commitment. It was all empty promises to myself I knew I couldn't keep. They key for me this time is recognizing that I can't just have one drink, ever. I will not be okay to drink later when I'm feeling healthy again. Moderation is not an option for me. Some people can drink, some people can not. I can not.

So yes, there are others right there with you and I am one of them. It's an intangible feeling I can not quite articulate but it's very real. I'm done drinking, for good.
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Old 04-02-2012, 03:34 PM
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l have had that feeling and woke up in detox a week later...so be carefull
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Old 04-02-2012, 03:46 PM
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Well done on day 11.

Often I'd not feel completely cured forever until I hit the 45 day mark. Something about the way I felt then was free and easy, like the bonds that held me down previously had fallen away. Likely the effects of not making myself sick for that long. Not sure what it was about that point, but over and over through the years I noticed a huge change right about then.

When I'd occasionally make it into the 4 month range I felt I'd left my drinking problem in the dust far behind me and had morphed into something new and amazing.

Not to short a few weeks as that too really felt good and I'd do that a number of times during most years to prove beyond all doubt to all the interested parties that didn't exist outside my head that I could stop forever and ever.
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Old 04-02-2012, 03:55 PM
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Yes it does just happen. Alcoholism has a certain remission rate in which people just plain out get better out of the blue. Funny how the world works.
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Old 04-02-2012, 04:47 PM
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It looks like the general consensus it that we just don't know, but can hope. I guess I've just got to keep a positive attitude, address my concerns and shortcomings and work on them, remain motivated for the good of my future, and do my best to handle my alcoholism with respect and consideration for where it will take me if I allow it. And, I'm not going to allow it anymore.
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:12 AM
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I'm one of those that quit without any formal "program". After nearly 30 years of drinking, I just had enough. I'll have 3 years sober this coming June.
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Old 04-03-2012, 04:44 AM
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Originally Posted by thoughts View Post
It looks like the general consensus it that we just don't know, but can hope. I guess I've just got to keep a positive attitude, address my concerns and shortcomings and work on them, remain motivated for the good of my future, and do my best to handle my alcoholism with respect and consideration for where it will take me if I allow it. And, I'm not going to allow it anymore.
That's the usual approach. Think good thoughts and want very much for things to work out well and try to be very good.

I've seen that work for a handful of people to the 5 year mark, and a couple of people made it all the way out to 10 years doing nothing more than that.

Hanging out just on this forum you'll see many begin that each week and get a glimpse of how it goes for them. I've met about 10 of those each week for 30 years so the sample I'm drawing from is easily over 15k.

Good when we can learn from each other this way, and all the available paths others ahead of us have already well and deeply worn down.

Each person is very special and unique and their experiences are always varied and what they bring to their difficulties is never the same, and the degree of their problem is naturally different at the different times they try through the years. It's not as bad early on, and really bad later on.

The trouble is not in the people and their level of desire and commitment and need and capabilities and support. The trouble is the nature of this thing cancels out all of that, and is a wonderful leveler, and tremendously effective in how it normally operates to return the alcoholic to what is slowly decaying their personalities and lives as it continues in the process of killing them.

Beautiful in a way, if you examine it with the right attitude and can remove from the equation what you very much prefer would be so in favor of what is so and has been since the dawn of civilization, which is of course as far back as we can trace what you and I have.
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Old 04-03-2012, 04:45 AM
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I admit to being confused and unsure of the future because there doesn't seem to be any ending where they say "mission accomplished" and it is eating away at my whole social structure so where is the support going to come from if family and friends don't want to know?
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Old 04-03-2012, 05:29 AM
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A little late to the thread. But I had a similar feeling this time around too, where I had a very strong belief that *now* (6 months ago) was the time for me to stop drinking. I'm not sure what in particular this time prompted it - a culmination of health, major life events, age - but suddenly I found resolve and a sense of finality that was missing the other hundred times I tried to quit.

You have to be careful though. I relapsed one night about 3 weeks in. Thankfully it was a small blip and I've been good ever since, but it was a sneaky ******* and came out of nowhere.

I haven't used a formal program, but I have been seeing an addiction counsellor one-on-one. I lurk and post here at SR. I have a supportive family. Like you, many of my close friends like to party it up, so I haven't been hanging with them all that much lately.

vinyl - I hear where you're coming from, but remember that these opinions come from a place of concern for your recovery. Many feel that without a formal program in place there may be a higher chance of relapse. I'm not one to say whether they're right or wrong. Just remember to stand firm and remind others that you're working what is best for YOU, and the fact that it is still working is really what matters.
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by thoughts View Post
And, I'm not going to allow it anymore.
Yep! Reminds me of my own mantra when I first quit drinking:

NEVER AGAIN.
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by thoughts View Post

...this time "it" just feels different. I feel as though I'm truly done with drinking and hard drugs. I know I've said, "I'm never drinking again," thousands of times before, but it was always felt sort of forced or out of frustration with myself. This time I'm really feeling at peace with it. I don't know why or how these feelings came about, but they're there.
Unfortunately, I had that feeling at least a dozen times and it eventually went away. I MUST use some kind of daily program of action to maintain the POMJSOP (Peace Of Mind, Joy, Sense Of Purpose) that allows me to keep feeling that way.
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:35 AM
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There is a program here that fits your posts.

Thoughts, your original post to this thread is a classic expression of someone who has finally self recovered after dealing with problems associated with drinking "thousands of times before".

Thoughts, you have been signed up here only three days. The unmentioned "elephant in the room" in this thread so far, is that there is a program well describe on this website that validates everything you have been saying. It is spelled out in the Secular Recovery section of this website. It's called AVRT for Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.

Your newly understood plan "I'm never drinking again," is the keystone component of AVRT. You have been feeling what is called the Abstinence Commitment Effect when you say "This time I'm really feeling at peace with it."

Even the "mourning at the loss of alcohol and drugs" is more evidence that you have really done "it". You have quit for good and know you will not change your mind, no matter what. This does cause a sense of grief over knowing you will not be getting high from drugs or alcohol again, but that "mourning" is less important than your "looking forward to moving on."

Logically, how do people quit without becoming dependent upon resources outside themselves? Well, there must be some point at which they really do have their last drink. This really does happen, and it happens to a lot of people.

It sounds like you are sensing that it has happened to you. If you want to absolutely "KNOW" that it has happened to you, you can utilize some of the ideas in the AVRT threads on the Secular Recovery webpages here.

AVRT is sometimes hard to find because there is no element of it that says in order to stay sober you should carry the message to other people who suffer. So, some may be wondering, why am I doing this. Because I happen to have some time available and like to see people end their addictions.
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:35 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Thoughts - I feel exactly the same way as you, I'm glad you posted this.

I'm nine-ish weeks into sobriety, this feeling hasn't left me and I don't expect it to.

It's very simple, I know I will never drink again....As I type this I imagine Emeril saying ***BAM!!***

It's very liberating yes?
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:48 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by thoughts View Post
I wanted to inquire about the feelings I'm having about my sobriety this time.

Granted, I'm only on day 7, but this time "it" just feels different. I feel as though I'm truly done with drinking and hard drugs. I know I've said, "I'm never drinking again," thousands of times before, but it was always felt sort of forced or out of frustration with myself. This time I'm really feeling at peace with it. I don't know why or how these feelings came about, but they're there.

I mean, the past week hasn't been all peaches and cream, and I am mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs, questioning friendships, and trying to figure myself out outside of drinking, but I'm looking forward to moving on. This is a sentiment that, I feel, really separates this attempt at sobriety with every other one in my past.

Does anyone else know this feeling? Was that really "it" for you, or did you wind up slipping?
The "it" feeling we are subjectively talking about has never left me since I finally and completely quit back in 1981. Drunkenness is the only thing which could ever destroy my "it" feeling and so it is always with me since quitting. It was the drunkenness I didn't want anymore, even though my addiction wanted otherwise, I still stayed quit and just past the one month mark I was able to appreciate and enjoy a freedom of no longer being enslaved to my alcoholic mind. In my surrender process I was re-made into an early recovered alcoholic within the next two months, and before I was sober a year I absolutely knew my alcoholism was arrested and done as defined by AA. As the years have went on so have the promises come true.

So yeah, good times and tough times of course come and go and still I have not lost why or how i quit drinking for good and all. Those feelings will last me a sober life time.

I hope the same for you in your own journey as well, Thoughts.
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Old 04-03-2012, 08:50 AM
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Sometimes it is a tedious process to get sober and stay sober.We are not like normal people,we carry the seeds of our own destruction within us.This disease will kill you just like cancer but you can go to AA and arrest it.
If cancer victims could do that we would have to have the meetings in stadiums so many would want remission.
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Old 04-03-2012, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by winslynn View Post
Sometimes it is a tedious process to get sober and stay sober.We are not like normal people,we carry the seeds of our own destruction within us.This disease will kill you just like cancer but you can go to AA and arrest it.
If cancer victims could do that we would have to have the meetings in stadiums so many would want remission.
Yeah. The "can go to AA" makes all the difference. Its a real choice and yet not the only choice for a forever solution to alcoholism. Way cool.

Awesome to see you offering a great message of attraction, Winslynn.

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Old 04-03-2012, 10:25 AM
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It's nice to hear the success stories. Maybe this isn't a fluke; maybe it's a natural step towards sobriety!

I'm happy to report that I'm on day eight without any drinks or drugs, and feel better than I have in years! Not only that, but my "it" feeling hasn't left me.

I really do feel at peace with my sobriety this time, and more so as each day passes. Another aspect of my mourning the loss of alcohol that is different this time is that I've almost been feeling the loss of a friend, as opposed to just a thing, that is alcohol.

You know how when someone important in your life passes and you're initially really sad about them never coming around again? And then, in time, you begin to forget about the pain of the loss and remember the fun times, the fights, the bonding moments, and the time you got so upset you could have killed them? That's how I feel. Some of the things I did were humorous and I'm fond of the memories, others were really bad, but I'm not mad about them this time.

My addiction, while overall is unhealthy and needs to end, did give me some really good times. I celebrated my friends and I graduating high school and college, engagements, break-ups (you know, those, "What did he see in her?" break-ups), birthdays, concerts, and sometimes nothing at all. They were good and I'm glad they happened, but I know I can't recreate those nights no matter how drunk I get, and I can't count on these nights like these ever happening again.

I also remember the bad times like the DUI and subsequent two years without a driver's license, the embarrassment of walking into work with a face full of broken capillaries, the agonizing pain that emanated from my organs during and after long binges, and the frustration that come from not being able to control myself. These negative aspects of my addiction are the only things I can count on happening again, and this is why it's time for it to end. It would be nice if these things didn't ever happen, but, again, I'm not mad about it this time. In fact, I almost feel removed from them, like they happened in a different life.

I know I'm not "over" my drinking at this point. The amount of time I have spent thinking about it this past week is testament to that, but my "it" feeling appears to be settling into a sense normalcy quite nicely. I hope it continues, because I haven't felt this peaceful in a long while.

It's kind of emotional writing these things out, therapeutic really. Reading everyone's responses really gives me a push to explore thoughts in places I hadn't considered on my own. Thanks, everyone.
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:32 PM
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I think I know the feeling. I felt that 'its done for good' moment when I quit three different drugs in the past (crack, hallucinogens, opiates). They happened at different times but in each case I just said I was done and that was it. Havent touched any of em for 5 plus years and never will.

For me alcohol proved different. I have spent much time trying to force that feeling but it hasnt happened. I finally came to the conclusion that legality may be the difference in my mind. Alcohol is so socially acceptable its hard for me to kill any 'lurking notions' of drinking in the future.
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