InsertNameHere

Good News first, come Monday morning I am three seeks sober. More good news within this week I have finally been able to get some really good sleep. I still don't have a good sleep schedule, so just whenever I am tired I go lay down. Sometimes like this afternoon I think I am just going to take a nap and end up racked out for 8-9 hours. I know that I need it and I have a good sleep debt accumulated so it can't hurt to get a little more than usuall.

Now the bad news or rather the question, I read a lot of threads, comment on some even if it is just small words of encouragment or sharing a similar experience so maybe someone dosen't feel so "alone" with thier issue. On a lot of the threads I read though is it all sunshine and puppy dogs, people are happy they are getting out and doing things; cleaning the house, getting excersize, doing well at work, ect. My question is what if you aren't doing all of those things. As in I quit drinking and it isn't all sunshine, rainbows and puppy dogs, its just life, I get on with it, it is better not to have to deal with it hungover and I am not going to drink again, but finding actual joy is fleeting at best. As I said in another post I have to force myself to find happieness in the small things, because if I didn't I wouldn't find any happieness at all. Maybe its just a funk I am in, I have never been very ambitious and coasting along in life is as good as I ever expected to do.

I don't know, anyone got any sugestions? Is it just that I don't try hard enough? That I need to get out and explore more or engage myself in an activity even if it is something that dosen't elicit any excitement from me? I have always found it difficult to care about anything that I am not interested in, and latley (meaning the last few years) I find it very rare that I am truly interested in much of anything. Sure there have been small things from time to time, and there are things that I think I might like but never seem to do. I am thinking about taking some college online, however I barley graduated high school, I hated homework and just didn't do it. But that was more than 10 years ago now, I should stop using that as an excuse. maybe I am just rambeling, but it seems like one thing that quiting drinking didn't do is magicaly infuse some newfound luster for life that it seems to do for so many others. I will work it out eventually I am sure I just thought maybe you all could help.

Have a good and sober day and thanks in advance for any thoughts you all have on my random rambelings.

sugarbear1

It took me a few months to regain my energy fully. Take time to heal.

Scolova

Yup, Sleep well and give your mind and body some good healing time.
I can't say when I turned the corner, but 90 was good and passing 180 was great for me, I now have lots of energy most days and am doing lots of projects (home improvement, electrical, painting, fixing up the flower beds\gardening). Congrats, best wishes and keep going.

Dee74

I dunno, INH - it certainly took me more than 3 weeks to get my energy back - it was months if I'm honest (I had other things going on too so I expect you'll be a bit quicker than that but yeah - it takes time...I drank for 20 years so I actually think I got a pretty good deal )

Try and continue to sleep well, eat well, exercise a little, and hopefully things will improve soon

D

stairs

INH, I feel much the same way physically. I was very sedentary in the last few months of my drinking, then I had a sort of nasty fall, which I still have a little right ankle pain from that, and am not that energetic. I'm doing a little more each day but not sleeping as long as I'd like at night yet, 5 hours max so then I need a nap later, but compared to the way I felt say, even a week ago? Compared to that I feel great.
It's a good day if I make a meeting, make sure I have clean clothes ready for us, and that we eat something fairly healthy, the dishes get done, the trash gets put out on time. It's going to get better. It's only been 16 days sober for me, the first 8 of which I couldn't even leave the house. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I enjoy your posts, INH, thanks for being here.

Hevyn

Hi INH. I definitely felt 'meh' for the first few months. I was relieved to be detoxed & sober, but that was about it. The joy and hope came later - my energy and enthusiasm took awhile, but they returned. Actually, after 4+ years I still feel a little better each day. Be patient with yourself - you're still healing.

InsertNameHere

Thanks guys and gals, this morning is officially three weeks and I think that the things I don't like in my life are becoming all the more real and apparent now that I am not covering them up with the artificial happiness of drinking. So like you all said it will take time, time to relearn how to be happy without the artifice of booze to cloud over my life. Oh well, I guess we will see what this month brings.

Patience is normaly one of my better qualities but I guess even I start to loose patience after three weeks of anticipation for some great life changing event, I guess that is the expectation of instant gratification kicking in that I have developed over the years of solving every problem with beer. Like everyone says this is a journey, and even though my decision to stay sober was more of an event, one could look at the months up to that occasion as the journey to get to that moment.

So the resounding answer is give it time, alright thanks all i will do so. Rome wasn't built in a day, and a new live dosen't happen overnight except in cheesy television shows.

I'm going to hang my head for a while and wallow in my self pity but I will be back once I talk myself out of that idiocy.

Happy Mondays all

stillsleeping

Hi sweetie and good mornin! First of all thanks for your PM - I got it when I woke up. Glad you got some zees I'll send you that thing later - I have to go out to the coffee shop to finish it cos H needs our tiny flat for more tattooing. Don't know why I'm tellin you all this. It's early

I read this post to H because it's exactly how he feels. He started on opiate painkillers when he was fourteen, then added weed and booze, with coke and Es whenever. And cigarettes, natch. Over the last couple of years he's gradually cut them all out, the pills first (tapered with scripts) than the weed, the Es, and 4 weeks ago the booze and coke with me.

Point is, he feels like he hasn't had real, natural joy since he started on the pills. Every high he's had has been chemically induced. He's told me that he almost wonders if his body will even remember how to, like, process joy. That's not to say he's miserable (hey, with me around? ) but he's a long way from leaping out of bed to greet the day.

His plan is to work at it like you work at anything else. He makes plans, then carries them out. Makes sure that he achieves something, even something really small every day. Right now he's designing a tattoo for his leg, but yesterday he read a book, and the day before it was clearing off the top of the wardrobe. His plan is to retrain his brain into recognising a different kind of reward.

Oh - he's just given me a note he's written for you, that I will now type (heh all happening in real time - I'm enjoying this...simple pleasures...)

"G'day digger. You need to trust u'll feel content and happy again without it. It has to happen there is no other option. Scary isn't it. You need to begin again. Re-structure. Forget your life, you did it wrong. Occupy it with someone else's for awhile by reading watching movies, and enjoy sleeping. You have to pass the time until you ride this out. Start walking, running, working out. Imagine your body working better, your brain working faster, having the edge for once. Take back control. This can still be rock and roll."

There you go. Words from the mysterious H - you're the first!

I probably won't be back on until tonight, and I'll send that PM then. Be thinkin about you tho. Take care poppet!

xxx

Firehazard

Hi insert, No it is not all Dolphins , loolypops , and rainbows for us that are really doing the work and getting better. In fact, a local AA guru (oldtimer) suggests to avoid those highs and lows and learn to keep to the middle ground emotionally.

CONGRATS ON 21 DAYS and MORE SLEEP

:uzi2:

InsertNameHere

You forgot puppy dogs and sunshine, but I like the lollypops and dolphins additions, I will have to steal those.

Fandy

there is no time limit on regaining your ummph and energy. Your body is telling you what it needs. keep to a good diet and definitely the sleep will help. if you are still feeling draggy in a couple of weeks, go to the doctor and get a check-up, maybe some blood work, just to be sure everything is in sync.

sober isn't a cure-all, but sometimes heavy active drinking masks problems too.

SOBERINNEPA

I personally prefer rainbows and unicorns, but that's me.

Fatigue was, and still is, a characteristic of my recovery. You've been through the acute withdrawal. You might want to research post acute withdrawal. In any rate, it's part of the process. The good news is, you're sleeping! Lots of folks suffer mightily with insomnia. Wouldn't wish that on anybody.

You're body's learning to live without its "feel good" supplement. With some addictions, dopamine deficiency is a tough part of early recovery. I don't think it's so different for us garden variety alcoholics.

Take some time, let your body heal and, I'll bet, your brain will be there to meet it.

InsertNameHere

Hmmm Today after having a pretty good morning I am feeling frusterated and actually angry which is rare for me. Especially considering that it is over small things that I normally just let slide off my shoulder and pay no mind too. I don't like feeling angry which is why I force myself not to most of the time. trying to relax right now and I should be able to. It is probably mostly because I am tired, my screwed up sleep schedule is causing me to want to go to bed now instead of this evening. It might be red bull time. just typing this has calmed me down a little.

Muunray

Yeah - it's been over a year since I drank and I am still finding new sources of energy and finding myself enjoying what I used to do.
Part of it is time and healing and another part is seeing the doctor to see if anything else needs to be done- like on my end I had some lab values that needed to be addressed which my doctor helped me with.

CarolD

How about making a Gratitude List?
Write down each thing in your life you are grateful for

Today my Plan A to do errands early fell apart. I was all ready to
have a hizzy fit when ...I stopped...said the serenity Prayer and
ate ice cream. An our later....a friend dropped over and we got my
payday chores done.

The Serenity Prayer

.God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Please keep moving forward....you are worth the effort..

.

InsertNameHere

Thank you for the idea, being truthful though right now that would be a pretty short list. There isn't much about my life at the moment that I enjoy. I don't think I am depressed or anything, and I know that eventually things will get better even if that takes the whole year and a half till I get back to the states. But lets see, what would go on the list if I made one;

-The fact that my sister wants me to go back to the states and has offered for me to live with her if I do decide to get out of the Corps.
-Coffee
-I got a new kindle
-ummm I am reaching now, there is a sushi restaurant in town? I guess I can eb grateful for that.
-That I finally stoped drinking.
-That all of my major responsibilities are over with, until this new guy gets here I am only having to maintain.
-That I will hopefully have more time wherein I wil be in a position to work on myself more now that I actually want to instead of blind acceptance for my flaws aided by beer.
-That I actually have a plan for my future even if it is likley to just fall through to even have one is an improvment for me I usually just go wherever the current takes me.

Thats about all I got right now. I will have to think on it for a while.

stillsleeping

Mornin hon, nice list. You should put on it something about being the kind of person other people care about. A lot of us do care about you xxx

davaidavai

Maybe a satisfying experience of life is possible, probable, when we begin to recognize the underlying motivations for drinking and the illusionary thinking which holds us back from seeing things clearly moment to moment. I think in a way the idea of recovery itself can be detrimental if not further articulated. One can start to define one's self as eternally convalescent, waiting for the fog to lift. But a big part of recovery is discovery and to do that, you have to actively seek answers and try a variety of things. Within a context of self discovery, alcohol plays a key role, at least has for me, in that it was, is the straw that pushed my despair to a fever pitch at last producing an active state of search. That everyone should be so lucky. There doesn't seem to be much justice in that it totally destroys some people, but I guess that's where free will comes in.

DaveVelasco

It takes time to finally find the kind of happiness that you want. There are people being "alone" but not "lonely". You may enjoy yourself in things you have not seen yet and yet to encounter. Take time to know yourself first - who knows? It might be the key to your happiness. Finding who you really are.

GrowingDaily

It definitely didn't come without effort to me. I'm of the opinion that, even if you weren't clinically depressed before you started drinking, you will be in the first few weeks after quitting. It's biology. That goes a long way to explaining the lack of interest, the dullness, the tiredness, etc.

When I started out, I literally had to force myself to get out & do things I was 'supposed' to enjoy. Every time I did, I felt better - maybe a little, maybe a lot. Then the next day I'd again feel hopeless. Make myself do it again. Rinse & repeat.

What I find the most pleasure in now is activities which improve me - a 180-degree shift from the self-destruction I had heaped upon myself. I believe the underlying knowledge that you're doing something to build & improve yourself is one of the best cures for these blues.

I've also found it helpful to focus on new activities rather than old ones I'm familiar with. For whatever reasons, I find it much easier to become & stay enthusiastic this way. Maybe the old hobbies carry too much "I wish I was drinking doing this" baggage. I dunno.

Just keep in mind that your brain chemistry is still wacked. So have faith things will be better. They will.

That isn't to say every day is peaches & cream. But now - when I recognize myself sinking into depression (a problem I've always fought) - I do something about it. Besides exercise, I've found it really helpful to focus on spirituality. I'll meditate, or just go out into nature & observe life as I did when I was a kid. Finding the joy in the things we take for granted daily gets my 'out of my world' long enough to balance my perspective.

IMO, if you're waiting for a life changing event - you're going to be waiting forever. That's something you have to involve yourself in. Quitting alcohol simply sets the groundwork for improving your life. It's a means to an end, not the end itself.