How was your life unmanagable?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
For me, it was not just my drinking that was unmanagable. It seemed like ALL my old tools for managing life were broken. Diligence, tenacity and assertiveness - which worked so well the first 3 or 4 decades of my life - were starting to do more harm than good.
Logic, reason and rationalization were no longer reliable for making decisions. No matter how much I doubled my effort, the results were getting weaker and thinner as time went on.
The only thing that seemed to help the situation was surrendering my old ideas and tools and then learning a whole new way of life. A way of life based on spiritual principles were all of my decisions were made for me by some higher power.
I no loger try to manage my life so mush as I manage my Karma. I generate as much good Karma as I possibly can and let the good Karma coming back to me manage my life for me.
"What goes around comes around".
Logic, reason and rationalization were no longer reliable for making decisions. No matter how much I doubled my effort, the results were getting weaker and thinner as time went on.
The only thing that seemed to help the situation was surrendering my old ideas and tools and then learning a whole new way of life. A way of life based on spiritual principles were all of my decisions were made for me by some higher power.
I no loger try to manage my life so mush as I manage my Karma. I generate as much good Karma as I possibly can and let the good Karma coming back to me manage my life for me.
"What goes around comes around".
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
When I first started drinking around 16 it was experimental, I was curious as to what was so great about it. I didn't like the taste and never really got "wasted" drunk then because I couldn't stomach it. Eventually small towns being what they are all the people my age liked to drink, and I did as well, so I was along for the ride, it was just what we all did. At this point I was not an alcoholic, but I did have some of the warning signs, like I passed out a few times and blacked out on occaision, but mostly in retrospect it was the fact that I didn't seem to have an off switch once I started drinking.
Fast forward a few years and I am now in the military stationed on a fairly isolated base with a bunch of other young men most of whom are away from home for the first time in thier lives. Guess what we did a lot of? I was still a social drinker at then but even more so my lack of ability to stop when I should was becomming apparent. I would regularly pass out in the bar, and get stumbeling puking, blackout drunk. This was all tolerated and really encouraged, it was during this time that I just barley started to realize that I had a tendency to lose control more than others when drinking.
Add another couple of years and I move to a new base that is not as isolated but now I am a stranger, and in a position of some (not much but some) authority, so one I have no friends established and two it is difficult to make them as I am in this seat of "power". Thus I began the quick decent to daily drinking alone. I would still go out as my roomate didn't drink but still liked to go out to pick up girls, so he would take me along, I liked to play pool and drink and he provided me with a DD so I was game. But I also started drinking during the weekdays. I developed systems for coping with military lifestyle while drinking like pounding water before bed as much as I could stomach so I wouldn't be hurting so much for the run in the morning. sometimes i knew that I drank to much so I would make myself throw up and then drink water.
This carried on for a few years. Now I am in an assignment that strongly frowns upon drinking at the level I was but at the same time is still a big part of the culture. Also I am operating on an extreamly indepentent level, so there was no one to tell me I have to be at work at such and such a time, or go for a run at 0530. It was in this environ that my drinking became way more of a problem. Without the structure of dictated working hours and mandatory "sober" time, I went a little nuts. That is what finally got me to realize that I might have a problem as before I had rationalized my drinking because I still was able to do my job and do it rather well. But now I couldn't, and was drinking more and working less. So I thought alright if drinking is causing a problem then quit, that didn't go so well. I eventually found my way here. and thus my story of the last 4 months of trying to quit is born. I am going on three weeks sober now, and am looking forward to a life where I have more to look forward to than my next beer, as in the last 6 years that is what my life turned into, a waiting game for the next time I could get blitzed.
Well there you go in my case anyway
Fast forward a few years and I am now in the military stationed on a fairly isolated base with a bunch of other young men most of whom are away from home for the first time in thier lives. Guess what we did a lot of? I was still a social drinker at then but even more so my lack of ability to stop when I should was becomming apparent. I would regularly pass out in the bar, and get stumbeling puking, blackout drunk. This was all tolerated and really encouraged, it was during this time that I just barley started to realize that I had a tendency to lose control more than others when drinking.
Add another couple of years and I move to a new base that is not as isolated but now I am a stranger, and in a position of some (not much but some) authority, so one I have no friends established and two it is difficult to make them as I am in this seat of "power". Thus I began the quick decent to daily drinking alone. I would still go out as my roomate didn't drink but still liked to go out to pick up girls, so he would take me along, I liked to play pool and drink and he provided me with a DD so I was game. But I also started drinking during the weekdays. I developed systems for coping with military lifestyle while drinking like pounding water before bed as much as I could stomach so I wouldn't be hurting so much for the run in the morning. sometimes i knew that I drank to much so I would make myself throw up and then drink water.
This carried on for a few years. Now I am in an assignment that strongly frowns upon drinking at the level I was but at the same time is still a big part of the culture. Also I am operating on an extreamly indepentent level, so there was no one to tell me I have to be at work at such and such a time, or go for a run at 0530. It was in this environ that my drinking became way more of a problem. Without the structure of dictated working hours and mandatory "sober" time, I went a little nuts. That is what finally got me to realize that I might have a problem as before I had rationalized my drinking because I still was able to do my job and do it rather well. But now I couldn't, and was drinking more and working less. So I thought alright if drinking is causing a problem then quit, that didn't go so well. I eventually found my way here. and thus my story of the last 4 months of trying to quit is born. I am going on three weeks sober now, and am looking forward to a life where I have more to look forward to than my next beer, as in the last 6 years that is what my life turned into, a waiting game for the next time I could get blitzed.
Well there you go in my case anyway
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Oh, let me count the ways.
[*]Not paying utility bills until the shutoff notice comes. [*]Letting the laundry pile up.[*]Ditto on the housework.[*]Lying about things that really happened because I was drunk.[*]Spending too much at the beer store.[*]Drinking in the morning, pretty much guaranteeing that I wouldn't be leaving the house that day.[*]Being unable to read books, one of my favorite pastimes.[*]Ditto on exercise.[*]Loss of interest in others.[*]Not answering the door unless I was expecting someone.
Off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more.
[*]Not paying utility bills until the shutoff notice comes. [*]Letting the laundry pile up.[*]Ditto on the housework.[*]Lying about things that really happened because I was drunk.[*]Spending too much at the beer store.[*]Drinking in the morning, pretty much guaranteeing that I wouldn't be leaving the house that day.[*]Being unable to read books, one of my favorite pastimes.[*]Ditto on exercise.[*]Loss of interest in others.[*]Not answering the door unless I was expecting someone.
Off the top of my head. I'm sure there are more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
Posts: 51
I won't go in to too many specifics I always feel like my story is so long I have to tell it in bits and pieces here. I will say that I was alcoholic to the point drinking was my number one priority in life. So everything else in turn slipped. I didn't pay my bills, I missed work a lot, my wife hated me, I didn't do jack at home, and eventually I wound up in jail for 2 1/2 months after my 3rd brush with the law in a year. Scary where the bottle took me.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I hated myself with a passion and wished I were dead.
I kept on drinking and hating myself and got deeper and deeper into depression. Not a nice way to live - waking up hating myself and wishing I were dead every single morning.
I kept on drinking and hating myself and got deeper and deeper into depression. Not a nice way to live - waking up hating myself and wishing I were dead every single morning. Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Too many ways to name.. technically my job stayed intact, my marriage, etc.. but I was hanging by a thread. The inner turmoil that I was going through was totally unmanageable. I was barely surviving, but now I'm thriving in my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Very gradually. I started drinking every day in my mid-20's. I started having hangovers every Saturday, Sunday and Monday by the time I was 30, and that was a standard fixture in my life for 20 years. Then I progressed to drinking in the morning and continuing all day, that started in my 40's.
Then I progressed to binging on top of daily drinking and going from having blackouts once or twice a year to once or twice a month to once or twice a week.
Though my journey into the abyss was slow, I couldn't turn it back. Once I started drinking at 7AM, I couldn't go back to starting my drinking at 5PM.
Once I progressed to heavy black out drinking, I couldn't go back to those couple-three glasses of wine in the evening, and waking up the next morning in my pajamas instead of the clothes I had on the day before.
It was like walking down a prison corridor and hearing all the doors slamming shut and locking behind me.
Then I progressed to binging on top of daily drinking and going from having blackouts once or twice a year to once or twice a month to once or twice a week.
Though my journey into the abyss was slow, I couldn't turn it back. Once I started drinking at 7AM, I couldn't go back to starting my drinking at 5PM.
Once I progressed to heavy black out drinking, I couldn't go back to those couple-three glasses of wine in the evening, and waking up the next morning in my pajamas instead of the clothes I had on the day before.
It was like walking down a prison corridor and hearing all the doors slamming shut and locking behind me.
Gone In
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 223
I had alcohol and empty containers hidden everywhere. My wife could hardly open a drawer or container in the house without finding something. Going on benders to the point where I couldn't function, feeling sick all the time.
I felt like there were no more places to hide it, it was bursting through the seams. It had to be dealt with.
I felt like there were no more places to hide it, it was bursting through the seams. It had to be dealt with.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Pretty well everything on the outside looked good..... had wife, son, house, car, job.
On the inside, I HAD to keep drinking and taking my Valium ... and it was all I could do to NOT shoot myself in the head.
My recovery had to be an "inside job".
Good to see you SoberDrunk.
Bob R
On the inside, I HAD to keep drinking and taking my Valium ... and it was all I could do to NOT shoot myself in the head.
My recovery had to be an "inside job".
Good to see you SoberDrunk.
Bob R
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
The physical and emotional consequences were starting to pile up too high. I was always either drunk or horribly hungover, and I was constantly battling inner guilt and turmoil. Although I had a job, a house, and a loving partner, I always felt like I was a sham and that I was just barely holding things together.
My life was unmanageable in that I wasn't really living it. I was just going through the motions so that I could get to my next drink. All those other things in life - working, paying bills, keeping up with family/friends - were a chore and hard to do. Now that I'm sober, life isn't so much of a challenge.
My life was unmanageable in that I wasn't really living it. I was just going through the motions so that I could get to my next drink. All those other things in life - working, paying bills, keeping up with family/friends - were a chore and hard to do. Now that I'm sober, life isn't so much of a challenge.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by gaffo 
The hangovers were my "canary in a coal mine". I finally just couldn't stand them anymore. Now that I've been sober for a few months I realize just how bad it was for me physically.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 387
It went from a glass or two of wine on my days off from work to binge drinking hard liquor on my days off (I only worked 2-3 days/week). I never drank in front of people..only by myself. I hid bottles, got lazy with the housekeeping, hid them in piles of dirty laundry, etc. At the time, I was working, trying to take care of my kids, husband, and ailing father...and drinking whenever I got the chance to be alone and binge. I ALWAYS had hangovers and I felt ill ALL of the time. I started having right sided abdominal pain-never saw a doctor-bad idea. I would tell myself that I was never going to drink again after each binge, and could stay sober for weeks at a time, but I always returned to drinking. Always. Everything still looked fine on the outside-good job, happy marriage, kids, etc. To say that I was absolutely miserable would be a gross undertatement.
When my dad passed away I knew that I would have more time to drink. It was then that I took that extra available time and sought help for my drinking. Not looking back...
When my dad passed away I knew that I would have more time to drink. It was then that I took that extra available time and sought help for my drinking. Not looking back...
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