langkah

I looked back at the plans I'd made (education, romance, jobs, health, finance, friends) and after my best efforts in those areas how my plans had finally turned out, how well I'd managed things.

penny74

Lying on the floor and not being able to get up.

MsJax

House a mess. Work a disaster. Sick (gagging/throwing up) every day until I got my morning booze in me. Tax payments not made, even though money was there. Nothing EVER got done. Everything revolved around booze, everything. Driving while drunk. Car wreck, with my dog in the car Being in a "functioning" black out for many hours each week, even in publice, on errands, etc. Not remembering anything. Legs numb, trouble feeling feet. Out of control behavior. 30 pounds overweight. Wasting time with people who aren't real friends.

What a contrast. Today friends called (non drinkers) and gave me a 10 min notice they wanted to stop by. House mostly clean, no gross smells, me sober, no hiding empties or refusting to answer the phone. I put tea on and we visited for 2 hours. God, I'm thankful for my life.

Spawn

Became homeless for the third time.

Firehazard

OMG Thanks for the opportunity for a reminder.

1)Frozen with Despair
2)Lonely regarless of where I went(which rarely happened anyway)
3)after drinking up the small amount of cash I had saved up for the Utilities
I found myself sitting and drinking in the dark with no Hot Water
4)Dangerously anti-social behavior causing property damage
5)Emotional instability and irrational spontaneous anger that had my potential
friends running for the hills
6)no license
7)no insurance
8)no car
9)no________________
10)decent jobs lost (three off the top) Usually decided to take the day off to drink without calling in one too many times.
11)blackouts leading me to wake up in other geographical regions of the US
12)estranged family
13)Homelessness
14)Many of the people I knew were no good for me to be around for example
excon racist with lengthy prison records
15)Lived out of my van in Colorado for a entire winter at the localWalmart and at the time though I had it made

Great thing is I am laughing about all this internally while writing it.
Who was that????:rotfxko

bitmap

I started drinking as a coping mechanism when hubby, who was then active duty, had to do a remote tour away for a year. It just gradually increased. Then in July 2010 they laid off one of my best friends/coworkers, drinking got worse, then they laid the other off in NOvember of 2011, drinking got worse to the point where I did finally quit for a variety of reasons and went on a four day binge, tried to detox myself, ended up having to detox in hospital and I am now finally moving forward on a positive note. (and I am still alive!!)

SoberDrunk

Thanks for your replies everyone...helps me remember how hellish it was when I was drinking... God willing I will have 6 months this Sunday.

thisisme

From daily drinking to suicide solution that failed(obviously).
The decent was horrible, the rise has been unbelievable.

Well done on six months.

LotusBlossom

Thank goodness it didn't work and you are still with the world.

I was barely getting to work. From either 7am to 9am (somewhere in there is when I'd roll in...whenever I finally felt like driving/rolling out of bed) and I'd get here till about 11am, it was a blur. Can't imagine how much I reeked to coworkers. I called in at least once a month. The hangovers...I missed family functions, wouldn't take phone calls. Even 6 months after I quit drinking, I still found empty beer cans in the recesses of my places and I'd think "how in the world did THAT even get there?!" I was barely paying the minimums on my bills and certainly wasn't making any real headway on them. Drowning enormous amounts of physical pain every day that I was avoiding the doctor because I was certain they'd do blood tests and find elevated -OH levels (why they'd test for that I have no idea - god I was so paranoid) and dismiss me.

*waves hand*

There was so much more. Good riddance to all of it. I won't ever forget it. I want to make sure I don't ever go back there. But lord...I am so glad I am no longer there.

Thanks everyone for your stories, too. Amazing how low we have to go before we start climbing out.

laurie6781

Well lets see ........................................ I went from a fancy house in upper middle class suburbs, with fancy cars, jewels, furs and all the trappings, ie country club memberships, etc (and living in a he!! of my own making) to living on the streets of Hollyweird for 1 1/2 years, sleeping in an 18 year old beater of a car, all dented on the 4 corners, with a coat hanger for the AM radio, parked at the back of the Hollywood Bowl Parking lot. And when the light bulb moment came, ending up in Olive View Hospital in Van Nuys, dying, having the TOD being put on my medical chart, and having my heart start on its own.

That is the 'progression' of my alcoholism. I took it to the MAX, and I would not wish what I went through on anyone, not even my worst enemy, rofl.

So those of you who have recently joined or are still wondering if maybe just maybe you might have a problem, please surrender now, do not take this to the MAX as I did, you may not get that second chance.

Love and hugs,

Justfor1

It led me to being homeless, panhandling downtown & on the subway every day to get money to booze. I even resorted to other household type alcohol stuff to drink when I couldn't get booze.

stugotz

My life wasnt unmanagable, at least thats what my brain told me. Everyone elses was. Addiction was a great coping mechanisim. Just sayin....

Challenged1

Simply put, I made the biggest mistake of my life under the influence that I can never repair. Never had a DUI or been arrested. I chose a path that jeopardized my family, destroyed it rather. I had a good life I took for granted and now I merely exist.
With that said, this is day 8 without a drink. There is a tiny spec of hope that I can build a healthy, happy, productive life. I have a lot of work to do to get there.

DayTrader

you may not regain what you had.....but from what I've seen, happiness, repair, a new start, a new chance, maybe a new path and maybe a rebuilding of the old path happen over and over again in AA Challenged.

I know it's hard to see it...to believe it's possible....but I've seen it happen over and over and over.

Keep on the right path......stay sober, get healthy, do more of the "right" things and I think you'll be shocked what can happen.

thelastgoodbye

My drinking progressed to where basically I started habitually checking for liver failure/hepatitis symptoms, cause in my alcoholic mind, that would be the time to stop.

Insanity.

thelastgoodbye

Hold on to that spec Challenged and congrats on day 8. Keep moving forward.

NYCDoglvr

There were no alcoholics in my family and I never saw anyone drink too munch. I had my first drink at the age of nine. My parents were in another room so i got my father's Seagrams and shot glass out. I put it down quickly as I'd seen him do. I gagged, it tasted like poison. Then I had two more.

That describes my drinking.

thelastgoodbye

My life was manageable, my mind was not.

Wow, just noticed I already responded to this thread..LOL..