walkertall

I found out after a couple of years that my wife and brother had a secret relationship. This was after a couple years of marriage and a new home. It was devastating to say the least. Their relationship was before we married....just to set it straight. Hence the drinking and drinking and drinking. We are going to see a counselor this Friday. I don't give it much hope because I had to stop loving her to quit drinking. That part worked but the marriage is in shambles. 9 years sober April 1st.... Walker

Flyersfan

ouch man I am so sorry

I dated a girl once and I couldn't be in the same room because she was so annoying, used to get lit up just so I could tolerate her... so yes

GrowingDaily

First off - thank you. Being in your position and maintaining your sobriety is inspirational.

Second, yep. I forgave things (like cheating) that I never should have. I'm not sure how much of it was my lack of self-respect, or how much was the alcohol abuse. I don't even know how to separate the two because they were so tightly interwoven. But when I sat back & viewed my relationship from a sober perspective, all I could do is just shake my head and wonder WTF I was thinking.

She tried to contact me a few times after our divorce. I stopped picking up the phone. There are some things you simply can't come back from. And in retrospect - that's just fine by me

2granddaughters

Sounds like the mop could flop either way ..... how many years have you been married?
I'd go to the the counselor on Friday with an open mind and as clean a slate as I could muster, see where you are at and where you (plural) want to go.
She had a fling with your brother before you were married, are you without sin? Perhaps you (plural) could deal with the elephant in the room and get on with a better marriage .. or split and start with someone else.
Pray, consult and stay as open as you can. Thank you for your post WT !!

Best of luck to you both. A special prayer for the counselor to help you put this behind you.

Bob R

katrinka

It's hard to let go of those big hurts, I'm not good at that myself.

penny74

Do you think a counceler will do any good ?
Do you really want that ?
l would give it a good long think if l was you.
Best of luck.

Bri

My name is Bri and I am an alcoholic. I've been married almost 5 years and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old girl. I got married a month or two after my first two trips to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. When I was first married I would stay sober off and on but after about a year I just went into full blown alcoholism. I loved the girl but I started questioning how much I really loved her and the alcohol kept me from questioning it. Well about a year ago I got sober and realized I didn't really love her. Now I am figuring how to get out of this relationship. I love my daughter but fear if I stay with this woman I will be a full on alcoholic again.

Boleo

I have seen so many marriages break up AFTER sobriety entered the picture (my own included) that I sometimes wonder if drinking makes for better relationships.

I suspect it has something to do with delusional thinking being part of the mystery and romance that makes people get together in the first place. When the delusional thinking clears up, we start to wonder what the attraction was in the past.

Zebra1275

9 years is awesome, don't lose that!

I don't have any advice for you marriage wise, but I think you should put your sobriety first and your marriage second. If staying married is going to compromise your sobriety, give it up.

There are about 6 billion people on the planet and 1/2 of them are women. Of the 3 billion women in the world I think the odds are pretty good that you can find someone else to build a future with.

NYCDoglvr

Getting through a relationship that's in trouble is among the most painful experiences out there. I wish you strength and support. Just keep sharing about it because I don't know anything else that works.