CloudyDays

my quit date is tomorrow. i am watching my kids lives slip by in a haze of booze. i have gone to aa mtgs a few times and been in rehab a few times. but i was never honest. about anything.

what i'm doing is bad. 12 pack secretly from about 5 to 7pm. every night. for a long time. once spouse gets home, spouse can't figure out why i seem so lost and weird. spouse knows i am an alcoholic and can't figure it out. ugh. i just want someone to sweep me away to rehab but if i reveal how much i've been drinking lately spouse will take away the kids. which for me would result in death.

nowhere to turn. can't schedule aa meetings because i have no one to watch the kids. how can i "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and get some sobriety?? i had 5 years and it all took a tumble last july. it is march. wake up call, *******. been doing this for 7 months.

i am sad and scared and fat and gross and i hate myself. i know i am better than this. how can i get a week sober to establish some more sobriety? i am really close to losing it all...

NewBeginning010

Hi Cloudy, You had five years sober? Wow, congratulations. What did you do to get that started? You can do it again & just keep it going this time.

We are all here to support you, you can do it!

Cheers ~NB

scrambled2012

just a thought....

when i got my dui, i was kind of glad i did, b/c my life was sort of like yours...and i wondered more days then not what the heck it was going to take for me to get myself back in order.

if i could do it again, i would seek out community support agencies voluntarily, rather then being required to interact with them via the court. then again, nothing makes me stand at attention like a court of law, i don't know if i would have done it. hindsite is 20/20 they say....

there are support elements in your community, that is for sure. calling on them of your own volition is far far better then otherwise....my issues are going to follow me for life, sadly, but that was my decision. all i can do is make the sacrifice worthwhile....

pick up the phone. make the call.

instant

Cloudy
I wonder how you got sober before. Five years is a solid effort.

It is easier once you get started. The torment was worse than anything for me.

Dee74

Hi Cloudy - welcome
We don't generally call people names here - even when they ask, lol

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I sympathise with the difficulty in getting to meetings etc but in fact many recovery methods now have online meetings - I'm reliably informed AA, SMART & LifeRing do - and Rational Recovery holds no meetings at all

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.
If we want change, we need to be prepared to make changes, I think

D

CloudyDays

in was trying to get pregnant. and then i did. and i had two kids. beautiful girls. 18 months apart. so i didn't even touch a drop while i was trying to get pregnant and then when i had a baby and another 18 months later i was dry the whole time. i knew that was the right thing to be.

i think... i thought that getting married and finally having kids would "snap me out of it" but that is wrong. it took me until my second one was more than a year old to test the old theory and since then i have been wrong.

i am a mess and lying to everyone. i mean, what kind of mom secretly drinks a TWELVE PACK and hides it from her husband and kids?? i am a loser.

my uncle died this way. got skinny and turned yellew and retured to his mom's house to die. ugh.

i know i can stop this. but i can't ask anyone to watch the girls so i can go to an aa meeting. i can't reveal that i have slipped this far. my mate will take them away. and that would mean death. so... i need to come here lots i guess.

Mark75

An alcoholic mom.

You are sick. You can get well, recovered, all that. It takes a first step of some kind.

Jeff63

I don't know what the answer is for you, but I have seen your first step, and it was in coming here.

:ghug3

2granddaughters

Cloudy, go to AA and commit to it.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

tooling

If you are strong enough ween off it, Cut the beers down to 6. Then 5, then 4 then 3, then 2 then 1 then quit.


Maybe stay at a couple beers for a week or so.

If you are strong and want this then you just do this. From reading what you have wrote I'd say you want it.

I used to this process to help me quit.

It sucks ballz coming off of alcohol. You know it so there is no reason I'm going to sugar coat it.

Good luck from my heart.

Dee74

Ok, I won't sugar coat it either

In my opinion, this

is really bad advice.

I'm glad it worked for the previous poster but most of us have found it just perpetuates the misery - how do you control something you've shown you can't control?

Please do the responsible thing and see a Dr, Cloudy

D

sugarbear1

Welcome back! You can do this again!

Fandy

i'm sorry you are so despondant....i think we all felt that way at some point.

you are going to need help from your husband, and i think that may require more honesty than you want to give him. but the children's care and safety come first. from reading your posts i gather they are under age 5? and they can be very active at that age too, you need 2 sets of eyes and ears.

i hope you can get the FTF support you need from your spouse, and read a lot here, especially if you can't sleep. You CAN do this, but you need to be honest with yourself and your husband.

Hevyn

CloudyDays - I remember feeling like you do. Miserable, yet desperate to cliing to my old routine - but why? It brings us no comfort, no fun or relaxation in the end - just a tragic loss of all feelings & no hope for the future.

You sound ready to stop this downward spiral. Please end this sad chapter in your life, and begin a wonderful new one - we know you can do it.

desertsong

Most AA meetings allow children. We have two moms that bring their kids to meetings regularly. I hope you will go and that it will do you some good. It sucks to feel the way you do ... I've been there. It doesn't have to be this way anymore.

DoinThis

This forum helps heaps cloudy. If u can't tell your husband how many u drink u should at least be honest about needing help to quit.

I'm a mum too and after the first month life got amazing! My job as a mum is so much better, so much easier and much more fun amazingly. I never would have thought. I used alcohol to get through the whitching hour. A couple of wines soon turned into loads! And everything became worse. I didn't realize it at the time, only now 8 weeks sober.

U can do it! I got an addiction counsellor, went to AA a few times and read here. If u can't make AA, read read read the big book, SR or whatever helps. All the best

RobbyRobot

Yeah, you're no way a loser, Cloudy. You're seeking help for a real problem that beat any of us down and out, not just you. We're all winners when we help each other and ourselves to stop the drinking and beging the changing required to keep us always away from more drinking.

So yeah, learn about how to share what is going on with you so that you can of course learn once again how to enjoy being sober. Do see a doctor and have a consultation on quitting. I would also rethink about sharing with your husband. You are perhaps afraid you have failed him and yourself of course, but sometimes things are not as secret as we think, you know?

I wish you every success, and please do see that you're a real true winner for choosing to quit drinking

tooling

To answer your question, one way or another the person has to stop lifting the bottle to the face. How he does it will be his decision.

For me to withhold what has worked for me and turned my life around would be nonsense just because you don't approve how I quit. I shared it with him and said it was from my heart. It's his desicion how he does it.

The reason I am a little perturbed by your post is you said, "I won't sugar coat this either."

That little jab wasn't necessary.

dawnrunner

No, you are not any of these bad things. And hating yourself is so wrong, and so likely to make it harder to quit. I think many of us drank out of self-loathing, and this feeds the cycle. Alcohol is poison after all. "Let's drink to our self-extinction!" I also think many of us were taught self-hatred as small children, vulnerable to emotional damage.

No. You must love yourself; that is crucial. Unconditionally! Not because of, or in spite of, just absolutely. You are perfect. Now what would this Perfect You do, to take care of Perfect You? To show love and kindness?

Spinach

You have all the knowledge you need right now.
You have support here.
You have a Dr to help with home detox .
You have the rest of your life to enjoy and bring happiness to you your children and your partner.
Take the plunge .it's difficult not impossible and it'll be much quicker once you've got it over.
All the best John.