LDT

Today we will be going to the wedding and reception of the kids of some formerly very good friends of ours. We aren't as close as we use to be because they still drink, and I don't. Maybe I pushed them away during my downward alcoholic spiral, but the reality is there was NEVER a dry moment with these people, or our circle of mutual friends. Since I have been sober almost 14 months, it will be no surprise to them that I'm not going to be drinking. We've been together a few times since I've quit, and I actually attended the wedding of another of their children last year ( 5 months into my sobriety ) and didn't drink at the event. But my anxiety level was through the roof at that reception trying to act normal, not drink, not get into conversations about why I was not drinking. But the triggers were there....all around me.....old friends, old scenarios, our favorite music, and the biggest trigger of all......that wine glass filled with pinot grigio! Well, I survived that evening, and when I see pictures of me at that event NOT holding a wine glass I think....man, That's a good look for me. Anyway, here I go again......another reception where the wine will flow.....another reception where I will be vigilant.......

My own daughter got married just 2 months ago and I had ZERO problem toasting her with ice tea. I had a blast at her reception.....laughed and danced until the place closed down......all sober. I felt great the next morning and remembered everything. It was an incredible feeling. And while my anxiety is just slight today ( nowhere NEAR what it was last year at that particular wedding ), I notice that it's still there. I find myself doing a mental rehearsal of what I will say or do if certain scenarios or conversations come up. I know it's about the effort.....I'm use to it and it is more than worth it......but I do sometimes wish sobriety was effort-LESS. Sometimes I wish that I didn't even have to think twice about it. Know what I mean?

And then I read reassuring posts from long time sober people here on these forums, and I realize that this fight for sobriety is ongoing....no matter how long we are sober, we are all just one drink away.

I know it will be fine today. I am strong in my commitment. I just felt like saying it out loud. Thanks for listening!

CarolD

Well done on your sober time....

hope the wedding was enjoyable.

NYCDoglvr

Congratulations on 14 months! I'm sure you worked hard to get here. I was told to be careful of "people, places and things" that may trigger a craving for alcohol. You should be fine at the wedding. What helps is to keep a glass in your hand with club soda, diet coke or something non-alcoholic. Just holding something helps.

Yes, I have a daily reprieve but never take it for granted that I'm an alcoholic. While I've been sober over 7,000 days denial is always perched on my shoulder. I know I have another drink in me but I don't think I have another recovery.

Have fun!

LDT

(post wedding)... everything was just FINE! Another challenge under my belt. I have never consumed so much diet coke in my life What is always so surprising to me is how much I end up truly enjoying being sober at parties. No falling down, no slurred words, "getting" jokes that are told, engaging in interesting conversations, not offending anyone.....I guess it does get a little easier every time I do it