Zencat

to SR and Hi Mark.

There is more than one way to quit drinking for good if AA is not for you. There are however AA groups that are agnostic/atheist and it looks if there is one organization like that in the city you live in. The AA Agnostic London South & Home Counties group may be more of use to you.

There are people here at SoberRecovery (SR) that have recovered from their drinking problem by being very involved in this site. I participate here at SR as it is another recovery tool that keeps me sober. As for recovery tools go, below are some links to other useful recovery tools that can help you reestablish a recovery action plan better than the one you had before.

SOS Recovery' and 'LifeRing Recovery
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools from cbtrecovery.com
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety. (from dbtselfhelp.com/index.html)
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (Google book preview including the Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)

Hope to see you around here as you make the changes that you write you need to do.

SSIL75

Right. That's a pretty typical alcoholic thought. Be prepared to challenge all these alcoholic beliefs. They keep you drunk.

FedUpWith2Brats

Good luck in your journey to sober. I hope you can do it long enough to see that sober is better than not sober. Pretend like your son is watching your every move-is that how you want him to think of you as he grows up? Love for your child is a pretty strong elixir.
And freedom? What kind of freedom are you talking about? Let's see. When you are drinking, you can't drive, you might not even walk very well. You can't have an intelligent conversation, or kiss your son without him smelling your breath. You can't apply for any job that requires a drug/alcohol evaluation and maybe a medical blood/urine test. You can't do anything that requires dexterity, like helping your son learn to ride a bike or build a model airplane. You can't be a husband to your wife, and how long do you think she will stick around making excuses for you? You can't drive your son or wife to the emergency room if you are intoxicated, and seconds can mean life or death.
So--have you figured it out? Do you see that ALL of the above can be done while sober, and wouldn't that mean freedom?
Sorry, I am not bashing you, just pulling the rug out for the excuses you are looking for to continue drinking at some point. I think it is wonderful that you want to stop, and I hope some of what I said will stick in your head if your hand reaches out for liquid poison. I wish you and your family the best life possible, so keep on staying sober.

jimihendrix

Marksthespot - you say that you haven't hit your "rockbottom" yet.

Everyone's rockbottom is different.

For me, it was my wife refusing to spend an important afternoon with me because I was drunk. The tears in her eyes and her look of raw disappointment and pain was crushing to me. We both knew that I had problem for a long time, and that moment was the point of no return.

I knew that if I didn't quit, I was at risk of losing my marriage.
So I quit.
For good.

Is losing control in front of your son a rockbottom moment for you?

I too thought that "doors would be closed" by not drinking. In fact, I was certain of it.
I was wrong.
No one cares if you drink or not.
They may say something, or act like they care for a brief moment, but they really don't.

gaffo

I've been sober for five months and I can't believe the difference. The doors that open because you're a drunk are usually the doors to various bathrooms, figuratively and literally.

I don't regret being a drunk, I guess, maybe it took a little too long to get over it. I too met my wife when I was wasted and shaping my life to suit my "lifestyle" has luckily turned out really well. That said, the opportunities that arise when sober are unbelievable. You can do anything sober that you can do drunk, just much better. Okay, vomiting is better done drunk but that's really about it!

MarkstheSpot

I can't tell you how grateful I am for these replies. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Clors

Our kids future is shaped by the impressions we leave on them. This is just my personal opinion and observation.
The image of my father passed out on my very first tomato sandwich I had made for him when I was only 5yrs still haunts me to this day and that is a very long time ago.
My dad came home drunk, my mom had been crying again and he was hungry. My mom told him get his own. Of course I loved my dad and wanted to please him even though I understood he did something wrong.
It was a difficult accomplishment for me and my mom let me do it. I was so proud and happy of my sandwich until I woke up to see my dad had used it as a pillow.
I was crushed and so hurt and then I cried as I could not understand what was wrong with my sandwich that my dad had slept on it.
Now I am sure my kids may have a crazy story about me also though they never brought any up. I tried to remain sober as I was raising them and I did most of the time.
I don't know if this little bit helps at all...thanks for sharing.

CarolD

Welcome...glad you decided to post...

Have you talked to a doctor about depression? That might be a start

Please check out this link....while

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

All my best to you and your family Hope you will find answers to a sober future..

MarkstheSpot

Thanks very much, Carol. Why do you recommend seeking help for depression, though? Certainly I'm down in the dumps today, but generally speaking I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky guy.

CarolD

Are you aware that alcohol is a depressant?
It's a chemically toxic liquid...damages all your organs includeing brain.
That period of sobriety last fall? Did you not feel generally healthier?

The final 5 years I was a drinker...I was depressed tho outwardly there was no obvious reason. Nothing was interesting or exciteing.

You said.... Just a thought....please read the link I gave you before.
.

MarkstheSpot

Yes I will -- thanks again, Carol.

NewBeginning010

Welcome Mark ;-) Dont let the rock bottom thing stop you from making a commitment to quitting. Alcoholics seeking recovery all have different low points some that could be considered far worse than yours and many more far less.

Stay close & active on SR & find a program to work. This one negative event in your life to be your catalyst into a new wonderful new sober life for you & your family.

All of the best in your recovery.


Cheers ~ NB

instant

I found that in time there was no freedom or relief in alcohol. In the past I had various health and exercise regimes to hold it in check. In the end the struggle got to much, I was tormented, bloated, under performing in all areas and I did not have the respect of my girls.

My views on sobriety are such that my only regret is that I didn't give up alcohol many years ago.

Dee74

Welcome marksthespot

Lots of great advice here - I just wanted to respond to this:

I used to confuse 'freedom' with 'escape' - I wonder if you're not doing the same thing?

I have true freedom now - I'm unfettered and unbound, not beholden to, or enthralled by, alcohol.

I love my new life - I think you'll like yours too

D

NewBeginning010

Ahhh yes the freedom I used to think I had.... actually was a prison. I needed to be able to have access to alcohol whenever I wanted it or needed it. Planned my day around it, constantly aware of thinking about how much I was drinking, when I could drink next, how much I had, how & where to get more etc etc. etc. This is not freedom ;-)

stillsleeping

Hi Mark,

I felt really guilty that your first post came up yesterday just as I was logging off and I didn't have time to respond - apart from anything else, it's always good to see another Brit join the fold (BillyPigrim's setting up a posse. OldRocker's got on board but is calling it a Fellowship. Johnny2Times is drawing up invasion plans and looking across the Channel with a funny look in his eyes...)

I don't go to AA either. And I didn't have to wind up in a gutter with blood in my hair to know I was an alcoholic - fifteen years of tryin to put a cap on my drinking, through the crying and the writhing and the hungover mornings at work, every bl00dy day a hangover... bleugh.

What the h*ll am I talking about? Oh yes - rock bottom. You said you almost want to suffer bad now so that you don't end up goin back to it. Dude, being sober feels so good, you're going to get that anyway. While you're drinking, the thought of doin without booze is crazy scary. But once you're clear, it becomes so much simpler. Take it one day at a time, keep posting (don't tell anyone, but I think this forum is better than AA. shhh. between you and me.) and try blogging - not nearly as many people read the blogs, but if you want a record of your progress... well, it works for me.

And enjoy innocent and unintentional giggles where you can find them...

Johnny2Times says I babble in the morning. Bah and rubbish!

Nice to meet you London

Still
xxx

stillsleeping

Hey Mark - just seen your post in Jen's thread. How you feelin today?
x

MarkstheSpot

Hi, Stillsleeping, yeah, good, thanks, in the circumstances. I had a good conversation with my wife last night, who was incredibly non-judgmental considering. Given the history and the seriousness of what had happened, abstinence is the only viable option, so we talked a lot about how that was going to work. It's just a case now of toughing it out and trying to find sometihng -- an activity, a feeling, even, to replace the alcohol.

In the meantime, I spent a sweaty night fretting about when I next see people who were there for the Friday disgrace. Which will be tomorrow morning, in fact. I don't know them well enough to be up front and say I was so wasted I can't remember anything, and ask how bad was I? I've decided to take the sorry-if-I-was-a-nuisance approach. I'm giving up so it'll be a one-off aberration in their eyes and hopefully ancient history before too long.

stillsleeping

Ugh. Sympathies, dude. I like the straight-up and get it over with approach though - nice one. Like you say, they'll get past it. Everyone carries some kind of cringe-every-time-you-remember-it memory; I don't even think you have to be an alcoholic to have those

As for activities and feelings to replace booze, I know it's hard to believe at first (but read around, you'll see a pattern...) but the feeling that replaces alcohol is sobriety. Being sober feels good. It just takes a bit of time to adjust to. But not a lot of time - I'm starting week 4 today and feelin great, most of the time. Can even begin to be around a person who's drinking (not the pub yet, but my H and a can of beer) and feel really cheerful about it.

I love being high. Booze and coke. But waking up this morning without a hangover, and drinking smoothies for breakfast instead of endless cups of coffee, goin for a walk along the beach to meet H for his lunch break, these simple things make me feel really good.

I still recommend blogging. Okay, last time one letter didn't work for you cos you weren't that person any more. But your blog changes as you do, and it's a good record. Read a few, try them out.

And get outside dude, it's a beautiful day! Yeah, I know, I'm at a keyboard too. But I was checkin in on you - what's your excuse?

xxx

MarkstheSpot

Thanks so much, and thanks for your concern -- I'll check out the blogging.

And outside, yes. Thats for later. At the moment I'm about to embark on train-track making with a two-year-old. Wish me luck!