I am angry at AA
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Brighton, UK
Posts: 164
erm...dont quite understand why your angry with AA?? direct that relapse anger back where it belongs, with yourself..just get back with the fellowship and fess up n get humble, (done it a few times myself) and its no big deal, as stated earlier, we dont shoot our wounded 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Although you may be right that "we do not shoot our wounded," we certainly freeze them out or lecture them on how their relapse is all their own fault which anyone could see coming etc.
I have to admit that I would have had a hard time admitting to a relapse in a meeting seeing how people are treated when they do. While I think it is fine to focus on experience, strength and hope, the program would help more people if it allowed people to freely share their failures and temptations as well, without fear of reprisal.
However, given that OP has already told someone about the relapse, he has to tough it out. I think honesty is paramount in recovery. However, the question we all eventually have to face is whether we can be honest in whatever program of recovery we follow.
I have to admit that I would have had a hard time admitting to a relapse in a meeting seeing how people are treated when they do. While I think it is fine to focus on experience, strength and hope, the program would help more people if it allowed people to freely share their failures and temptations as well, without fear of reprisal.
However, given that OP has already told someone about the relapse, he has to tough it out. I think honesty is paramount in recovery. However, the question we all eventually have to face is whether we can be honest in whatever program of recovery we follow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by miamifella 
Although you may be right that "we do not shoot our wounded," we certainly freeze them out or lecture them on how their relapse is all their own fault which anyone could see coming etc.
I have to admit that I would have had a hard time admitting to a relapse in a meeting seeing how people are treated when they do. While I think it is fine to focus on experience, strength and hope, the program would help more people if it allowed people to freely share their failures and temptations as well, without fear of reprisal.
However, given that OP has already told someone about the relapse, he has to tough it out. I think honesty is paramount in recovery. However, the question we all eventually have to face is whether we can be honest in whatever program of recovery we follow.
I have to admit that I would have had a hard time admitting to a relapse in a meeting seeing how people are treated when they do. While I think it is fine to focus on experience, strength and hope, the program would help more people if it allowed people to freely share their failures and temptations as well, without fear of reprisal.
However, given that OP has already told someone about the relapse, he has to tough it out. I think honesty is paramount in recovery. However, the question we all eventually have to face is whether we can be honest in whatever program of recovery we follow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
I have occasionally seen a welcome back, but usually it was someone who used to drink and/or drug with people in the group. But for those without that prior history, it usually was harder.
From what I read here, there seems to be a lot of regional variation so this may just be how they do things in Florida.
From what I read here, there seems to be a lot of regional variation so this may just be how they do things in Florida.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I agree with dgillz. In 25 years of meetings and not always being sober, I've never witnessed anyone being bashed for relapsing. Only a "welcome back" and "glad you are okay" said with love and understanding.
We DO understand how difficult staying stopped can be, just like on SR, but we do it in person.
We DO understand how difficult staying stopped can be, just like on SR, but we do it in person.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
It is good to know that not all meeting are like the groups I encountered. To me SR seems SOOOOOOOO different than anything I have found f2f. I think it is important for me (and everyone else) to remember that we are only speaking from our own experience.
So while every meeting is not a snake pit, like those I encountered, neither is every meeting a welcoming party where everyone will be kind and friendly. People wanting help just have to go out their and take the temperature of meetings themselves.
So while every meeting is not a snake pit, like those I encountered, neither is every meeting a welcoming party where everyone will be kind and friendly. People wanting help just have to go out their and take the temperature of meetings themselves.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 364
Have you considered other options? They don't sound like a helpful group of people and it may be you're better off trying something else.
Or perhaps say you don't like the idea of counting days via this chip system. It seems a bit juvenile and perhaps even detrimental.
Or perhaps say you don't like the idea of counting days via this chip system. It seems a bit juvenile and perhaps even detrimental.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
First of all, you don't have to go to AA and I assume no one has a gun to your head to keep you from drinking. There are no rules in AA: "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". That's it. You're projecting your own rage onto other people. No one is going to get angry at you and ask you to leave. The most important thing is being honest but with yourself and others.
Good luck
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 143
Thank you all. Went to the "relapse" group for aftercare today instead of my usual group, shared my lapse during the subsequent meeting a picked up a 24 hour chip instead of my 90 day chip.
And I'm still alive! So much internal self- manufactured drama. Hopefully I learned something today.
PJ
And I'm still alive! So much internal self- manufactured drama. Hopefully I learned something today.
PJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki
Thank you all. Went to the "relapse" group for aftercare today instead of my usual group, shared my lapse during the subsequent meeting a picked up a 24 hour chip instead of my 90 day chip.
And I'm still alive! So much internal self- manufactured drama. Hopefully I learned something today.
PJ
And I'm still alive! So much internal self- manufactured drama. Hopefully I learned something today.
PJ
I was just reading this & thought it relevant:
Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we'd rather collapse and back away. They're like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are.
- Pema Chodron
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki
So much internal self- manufactured drama. Hopefully I learned something today.
PJ
PJ
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Louisville Kentucky
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
PJ. I've known quite a few well educated professionals over the years and most of them seem to be the hardest ones to get sober. Their intellect and ego seems to keep trumping their humility and spirituality.
That being said, some of our most revered oldtimers are professionals. I'm betting you make that side of the fence down the line. All the best.
Bob
That being said, some of our most revered oldtimers are professionals. I'm betting you make that side of the fence down the line. All the best.
Bob
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