priceyjunk

33 days without a drink. And it's become really bad for me tonight. I've had a very bad week, with plenty of stressors, illness in the family, etc, and now, I've ended up having been robbed, and have lost quite a bit of money. Am currently feeling very worthless, and feel that I'm to blame for a lot for my current problems. Btw, all these things have happened since I've been sober, so these aren't to do with mistakes while drunk ( although lord knows there have been many of these)

I really want to get completely pissed tonight, but not to deal with the stress and all that, but it's like I want to punish myself. In fact, it's like I feel I want to damage myself, really hurt myself. Like I deserve it.

I've never felt like this before. I know about self harm and all that, but it's never been a problem a problem for me. I want to emphasise, I am not feeling suicidal or anything, but I'm just so unhappy with myself right now. I'm know stranger to all the various triggers to drink, but this is a real new one to me.

I really hope I last the night. Anyone been through similar and can advise?

sugarbear1

Life happens. You'll get through this, sober. Just deal with it like one of those "normal" people.

Love, & hugs,

Spinach

It's not going to get rid of the problems.
Focus on not drinking now.
You'd have the biggest hangover, greater regret , and the problems would not have moved on.
Sorry for the tough time . We do get over those things too.
John.

dawnrunner

Go out to a coffee shop with a book, or call a friend to meet you there. Avoid sitting at home and being sad - you need a distraction right now. hang in!

LDT

My friend once told me to think to the other side of the drink. The vision of what I knew would happen after that first drink has kept me sober for almost 14 months. I have no desire to go back, and I don't think you do either. Stay strong. This moment will pass.

DaveVelasco

God was only testing you on how will you handle being sober. It means he wants you to face those problems in sobriety, not being drunk. You should be positive instead.

thelastgoodbye

you're making excuses on why you should drink, stop.

Then getting really "pissed" would be the way to go..however, if you feel like this today, how do you think waking up completely sick with hangover tomorrow will make you feel? like you may need to "escape" again? then you'll be off to the races my friend. Don't pick up. Sometimes life sucks and in your case, it sucks really bad today, but hey, tomorrow things could change and get much better..hang in there, DON'T DRINK!

Congrats on 33 days!!!! staying sober through this mess will make you stronger.

This always helps me..

“Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope"

Zencat

Exercises like 'think the drink through' to its inevitable horrid end is helping me make those deep psyche changes I need to stay recovered from alcoholism.

I may be very difficult resisting the urge to drink when life goes array. But the upside is you will gain experience with facing hard times sober. Knowing you can get through this sober will help you the next time when things go wrong.

2granddaughters

pricey, are you attending meetings?

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

cherylxxx2

hey,
i dont have a drink problem, but my mother is an alcoholic.
firstly 33 days well done to you. you dont deserve to be hurt.

ok so i always say these things happen for a reason. i think this is a test for you, to prove to youself even when your at your lowest point, theres always a light at the end of the tunnel

Firehazard

Hi PJ, Feeling bad is one of the things we have allowed ourselves with sobriety. This is

acceptance for me. While drinking when I had a bad run of events I would not allow

myself the honest emotions that you are feeling. Having bad days and not drinking over


them is a monumental breakthrough and you will grow much through them. As far as

making sure they don't last longer than they should making a gratitude list and focusing

on the positives in life (and they are always around) helps to break out of those low

points and move on. :ghug3

DayTrader

Oh yeah, I'm familiar with that. Feelings like that, that persisted well into my "not drinking" were the beginning of a bottom that convinced me, beyond doubt, of the fist step in AA - specifically the "- and our lives have become unmanageable" part. There I was, many months since my last drink and feeling as bad or worse (minus the hangover) than I'd ever felt.

For me, that stuff didn't just pass and go away. It intensified....and I could see that I wasn't equipped to deal with it without drinking......yet. Some ppl go through PAWS, which is similar but it's temporary. Maybe that's what you're feeling / going through.

If it doesn't pass, then I'll tell ya the ONLY thing that worked for me was complete and total surrender to MY truth that, drunk AND/OR sober, I can't run my own life _period_ plus add in a heaping spoonful of grace from a God of my own personal understanding (I created Him...so I understand Him.....yanno? ) that I learned how to feel and access in AA. NOTHING I did stopped it....and I worked my A$$ off trying to fix it for close to 2 years (heh, I'm not a quick study....lol.....and surrender doesn't come easy for me).

That surrender, a 100% complete conviction that I'm a chronic alcoholic and my alcoholism...left untreated...is just as deadly to me whether I'm drinking or not, fiiiiinally opened me up to receive some spiritual help from my HP.

Most alcoholics hit bottoms when they're drinking. Me, I hit mine close to 3 years after I stopped, was going to meetings, had a sponsor, and was doing a lot of the "right stuff" as it's outlined in the Big Book.

I don't tell you that story to scare you....but I tell you because a lot of what I heard at the time was, "it'll pass Mike, take it easy Mike, you're being dramatic Mike, go to more meetings Mike, quit putting quarters in the a$$ kicking machine, change your thinking" and a whoooooooole lot of other well-meaning but completely worthless advice. Given what worked.....I needed to REALLY take and believe the first step in AA......at a completely new and terrifying level....and I had to learn how to stop trying to rely upon just me but on a God of my understanding.

NYCDoglvr

Early sobriety is very, very difficult. For me it was like PMS in a full moon, mood swings and a lot of irrational thinking. Do you have support in recovery for stressful times like this? I couldn't have gotten -- or stayed -- sober without the support of other recovering alcoholics in AA.

You can walk yourself through a drink, imagine the likely scenario of getting drunk again.
And, realize that alcohol won't take away your problems or make things better. It's the ultimate self-destructive action.

Dee74

I'm sprry you're having bad run Pricey - but you're not worthless - that's just your addiction's way of trying to get in the back door.

If you're like me, there's really nothing that can't be made worse with a drink.

I hope this week is a way better one for you

D

priceyjunk

Thanks. Somehow I made it through last night. Still feel terrible. But I did not drink. I still Feel really bad about myself, but I guess it would have been a lot worse if I'd had that drink. I think what I went through last night was very similar to people who are so ashamed of their drinking and being an alcoholic, that they just carry on. Except, right now, my lack of confidence in myself is coming from something other that alcohol.

Tried the aa meetings before, but I didn't work for me. It's always been that I've managed longer periods of sobriety when I've not attended the meetings. Although I've not had a sponsor before. Nothing I can do about my various crisis till Monday. But I think, having not drunk, I'm very unlikely to do so over the weekend. So I can still enjoy the break.

2granddaughters

I wish you the best.

Bob R

tooling

Don't drink. It's just a bandaid that causes you a whole new set of pain in other areas of your life you don't need.

Wrap this weekend up and call it a bad one. Stay sober so when Monday comes you can be happy you didn't drink. \\One month is pretty cool btw. That's a nice base to build from.

hypochondriac

I can empathise with the self harm feelings priceyjunk, I've been having those thoughts a lot but over very trivial things. I'm trying to think of them as separate from the drinking issues though, because they are. Drinking will make them worse but won't make them go away.

GrowingDaily

I really dig what Firehazard said.

The fact you're going through really bad days without a drink is HUGE. You should be very proud of yourself! And if you did it yesterday, you can do it today. And if you do it today, you can do it again tomorrow.

muffin1707

Hi Prices. Sorry to hear about all of your troubles. They seem to come in waves like that.

I just quit, but when I did I turned it all over to God. Yep, I said you HAVE to help me with this God, I can't do it alone. You know what.. he/she is helping me. I had barely any withdrawals. Little and big miracles happen everyday for me. I'm not making this up.

I am going through alot too. But, it is out of my control right now. I know I have help and happy to have it.

BTW... I not only ask God for help, but I always remember to thank him/her.

Stay sober this weekend. Good luck.