Alcoholic Interrupted II
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Thank you guys and gals for the great supportive and caring comments. Each and every share is important to me, and very helpful. I am strengthened with a surer purpose going forward and I'm really happy I asked for your collective support.
Knowing the date is really ideal, and brings light to shine inside the tunnel. It won't be long now, under 50 days, and I begin a new adventure in my sober journey. As I said, I became a serious drinker coming off the original hip surgery, back in 1969, so such a flood of memories I am having. Melissa, my wife and friend, is embracing and calming my powerful emotions and psychic energies which have nowhere to go except into nothingness. As you might imagine, and we all know from ourselves, hurting alcoholics can become quite the hurricane when the remembered past and the dynamic present moment clash psychically. Its so good to not be alone now like I was then.
I gotta go again. Its a wild ride. I'm back soon today to share my thoughts on anger and alcoholism. See you then.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Your turmoil is palpable. Your strength is inspiring.
Thank you for having the courage to share your vulnerability with us.
As alcoholics, I believe, most of us have a gaping wound we tried to fill w/alcohol.
Whether, it be physical or psychological.
You have overcome much & have not gone back to the bottle.
Though your surgery is similar & you are finally "letting go" so to speak... You are not that 12 yr old boy any longer. You are a wise man for you have not let addiction reign supreme.
The key to overcoming most anything is acceptance & forgiveness.
You are angry for injustices beyond your control.
Whatever our pains, wounds, no matter how justifiable will only continually defeat us until we let go & let God.
I found healing & freedom from resentment & pain in forgiving God, myself & those responsible for my pain. As they say alcohol is a symptom.
I pray you find peace, comfort & healing in more ways than one.
You have been a great asset here on SR.
Best wishes, Robby.
Thank you for having the courage to share your vulnerability with us.
As alcoholics, I believe, most of us have a gaping wound we tried to fill w/alcohol.
Whether, it be physical or psychological.
You have overcome much & have not gone back to the bottle.
Though your surgery is similar & you are finally "letting go" so to speak... You are not that 12 yr old boy any longer. You are a wise man for you have not let addiction reign supreme.
The key to overcoming most anything is acceptance & forgiveness.
You are angry for injustices beyond your control.
Whatever our pains, wounds, no matter how justifiable will only continually defeat us until we let go & let God.
I found healing & freedom from resentment & pain in forgiving God, myself & those responsible for my pain. As they say alcohol is a symptom.
I pray you find peace, comfort & healing in more ways than one.
You have been a great asset here on SR.
Best wishes, Robby.
Gone In
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by RobbieRobot
Well, since i simply can't walk anymore, no matter what I try to do, they finally have my agreement. I've been told I'm kinda unique in their experience, and they admire my unrelenting spirit to be all that i can be no matter the challenges or the pains taken to reach my goals.
It seems approriate that it ties in with the emotinal toll taken from having a hip fusion at such a young age.
I've had several friends suffer serious and often permanent injuries and dealt with the aftermath. I've learned more than I ever thought I'd know about various surgeries, and hip fusion is drastic and permanent.
My heart goes out to you for having spent your youth under that constraint. Best of luck my friend. I hope you'll keep us updated
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by MysteriousGrl 
Hi Robby, I am new to the forums so forgive me for my lack of knowledge with respect to your leg and the reasons you have decided to amputate. However, I hope this little story about my sister will give you some inspiration and confidence that you are making the right decision because you are the one who ultimately really wants this.
From as far back as I can remember, my younger sister has been in love with horses. She began competing at the age of 6, came first place in many competitions and moved on to teach and school horses as a profession. She lived to ride, literally. Six years ago an unfortunate event took place in the arena. A horse she was schooling reared, she came off and the horse landed right on top her which resulted in an L1 spinal cord injury. After the surgery the doctor had to tell my sister that it was unlikely that she would ever walk again and the first words out of her mouth were "I dont care if I can't walk, will I ever be able to ride again?" Six years later she is living her dream, training to compete in the 2012 olympics! So, with that said, limbs are limbs. Don't let the loss of one leg defeat you in any way. There is obviously a reason you have decided that you are better off without it, and for that reason only, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, Live the life you've imagined"
From as far back as I can remember, my younger sister has been in love with horses. She began competing at the age of 6, came first place in many competitions and moved on to teach and school horses as a profession. She lived to ride, literally. Six years ago an unfortunate event took place in the arena. A horse she was schooling reared, she came off and the horse landed right on top her which resulted in an L1 spinal cord injury. After the surgery the doctor had to tell my sister that it was unlikely that she would ever walk again and the first words out of her mouth were "I dont care if I can't walk, will I ever be able to ride again?" Six years later she is living her dream, training to compete in the 2012 olympics! So, with that said, limbs are limbs. Don't let the loss of one leg defeat you in any way. There is obviously a reason you have decided that you are better off without it, and for that reason only, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, Live the life you've imagined"
Originally Posted by gaffo
Good luck, Robby. A close friend of mine had his lower leg amputated a couple of years ago and it improved his life tremendously.
MysteriousGrl, your touching story of your sister is indeed inspiring, and I've reflected many times how powerfully your share of your love and understanding for your sister brought home to me how people who don't know me, know me so well, nonetheless.
Thanks.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Thanks guys for these helpful shares moving us into some deeper discussions of how pain, hurt, and anger all play such essential unavoidable intimate elements in all our lives no matter our respective histories, we're all human, and sooner or later, it often hurts to be human. The thread is about my timely request for support, and it is most helpful for me to have these particular present shares. In the shares are found time and again, how important other peoples shared experiences are for me when I'm facing my own challenges. Our collective wisdom surpasses my singular needs and wants, and for that, I'm always grateful for such excellent and deverse fellowship here on SR. Just wanted to get this out before I get more into the midst of my psychic / emotional challenges, which is really defining of my current dilemma, more so than my physical realities.
Originally Posted by BTSO
Robbie, is anger always a bad thing? I believe I survived some very traumatic events in my life by operating on anger based emotions. We clearly can't live a life based on anger, resentment and bitterness as that would destroy us as sure as putting a gun to our head but doesn't anger have its place? I think that what I mean is that in some cases all we have left is anger and it gives us the kick in the ass that we need to move on to higher states of consciousness. Any thoughts?
Originally Posted by wellwisher
As usual, Robbie, your posts are thought-provoking. I am glad to have met you.
Commencing with the revival of this thread recently, and asking such poignant questions about the use of anger before and after sobriety, I found myself unusually speechless and am grateful for the moments of reflection about the emotion, as it has been such a powerful motivator and a major detriment to my well-being in life, all at the same time. It is my go-to emotion; it comes too naturally, too easily and is like that old pair of slippers in times of distress.
I'm not done reflecting.....
Commencing with the revival of this thread recently, and asking such poignant questions about the use of anger before and after sobriety, I found myself unusually speechless and am grateful for the moments of reflection about the emotion, as it has been such a powerful motivator and a major detriment to my well-being in life, all at the same time. It is my go-to emotion; it comes too naturally, too easily and is like that old pair of slippers in times of distress.
I'm not done reflecting.....
Originally Posted by awuh1
I’m not sure I understand all the issues involved here (actually I’m sure I don’t understand them) yet my instincts tell me to respond. Partly I think because I also had an excruciating period of physical and emotional pain. It was also early in my life, and it was truly devastating. I survived but deep wounds remained, lots of anger and mountains of distrust.
I learned that the anger was there as a sort of protection against sadness, which was the other side of that very same coin. The anger, to a degree, protected me from depression, and what was at the bottom of it all, was loss.
I had to find ways to deal with the depression. First, and for a long time, it was alcohol. Then therapy, anti-depressants and finally AA. All were necessary, in their own way, even the anger.
Presently, the task is to bring some degree of meaning to all that adversity. I do that by helping those with depression, anger problems, physical pain and even an alcoholic here and there. This, for me at least, is what is meant by not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it.
I learned that the anger was there as a sort of protection against sadness, which was the other side of that very same coin. The anger, to a degree, protected me from depression, and what was at the bottom of it all, was loss.
I had to find ways to deal with the depression. First, and for a long time, it was alcohol. Then therapy, anti-depressants and finally AA. All were necessary, in their own way, even the anger.
Presently, the task is to bring some degree of meaning to all that adversity. I do that by helping those with depression, anger problems, physical pain and even an alcoholic here and there. This, for me at least, is what is meant by not regretting the past nor wishing to shut the door on it.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
My surpassing of my physical and psychic pains, and angers, create a safe-harbor of feelings, and mindfulness, and anchored from there, I'm often able to successfully moderate and balance out my feelings of fears with, and of, people, places, and things on my sober journey.
Self-control is such an illusion, yeah? Responsibility is such a learned and earned character trait, is my experience. Failure is an excellent teaching enviroment when surrender and rigorous honesty are in play. Success is always sweeter when doubt and arrogance are dragged into the psychic arena, beaten down, and summarily slayed. Hope has its best reward for those who believe even the impossible can become possible. Sweat, blood, and tears, are the price paid for doing the next right thing, no matter the challenges, no matter the quest, no matter the thing before us, there is always a right way forward to a better day for any of us.
Self-control is such an illusion, yeah? Responsibility is such a learned and earned character trait, is my experience. Failure is an excellent teaching enviroment when surrender and rigorous honesty are in play. Success is always sweeter when doubt and arrogance are dragged into the psychic arena, beaten down, and summarily slayed. Hope has its best reward for those who believe even the impossible can become possible. Sweat, blood, and tears, are the price paid for doing the next right thing, no matter the challenges, no matter the quest, no matter the thing before us, there is always a right way forward to a better day for any of us.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
More News
Today, my orientation appointment, which naturally proceeds my August 17th surgery, has been established as July 24th. Way awesome!!
This 3hr meeting, with various hospital officials, and including my anesthesiologist, and more papers requiring my consents, is the last standing obligation before my actual surgery. Each of these required sequential adventures has only enhanced my strength and desire to have at it and get the deed done!
I am stoked beyond words.
Today, my orientation appointment, which naturally proceeds my August 17th surgery, has been established as July 24th. Way awesome!!
This 3hr meeting, with various hospital officials, and including my anesthesiologist, and more papers requiring my consents, is the last standing obligation before my actual surgery. Each of these required sequential adventures has only enhanced my strength and desire to have at it and get the deed done!
I am stoked beyond words.
.... just know that I'll be thinking of you! x
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Today a friend remarked that she has observed I have moved into a more stable place emotionally. It was surprising for me to consider her splendid insight, and find myself agreeing with her. Its funny, to me, how deeply calm I am going into this, and although I expected to weather any storms, I did (and still am) expecting a darker experience. We'll see. No sense in manufacturing anxiety for its own sake, lol. Perhaps after my surgery I'll experience more of what I'm expecting? In any case, I'm not complaining, yeah?
I'm also appreciating how difficult it is for me to be to become lost or otherwise overcome within my present concerns, and struggles, when so many others offer me support, and also share on other threads their own successful experiences with their own respective challenges. Its the collective effect of having so many people pulling for you, its difficult to get into a deep ongoing conversation of psychic pain, lol. This is a good thing, of course.
What a wonderful experience SoberRecovery offers for those in need of support. I know for sure I've made the right decision to journal in this thread. If my weather turns south, so be it. Meanwhile, my seas are calm, and the course set remains true to my heart.
I'm also appreciating how difficult it is for me to be to become lost or otherwise overcome within my present concerns, and struggles, when so many others offer me support, and also share on other threads their own successful experiences with their own respective challenges. Its the collective effect of having so many people pulling for you, its difficult to get into a deep ongoing conversation of psychic pain, lol. This is a good thing, of course.
What a wonderful experience SoberRecovery offers for those in need of support. I know for sure I've made the right decision to journal in this thread. If my weather turns south, so be it. Meanwhile, my seas are calm, and the course set remains true to my heart.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Robby, you're very evolved on the whole spiritual side of things. In your deepest awareness you've thought this thing through and it's the path you've chosen, even if any mental chatter arises you know it's only the mind doing what minds do. The mental chatter is like the flame of a candle and once it's extinguished by the deep knowing of awareness it can never be relit, it can try to relight but it will never trump the deep knowing that is awareness.
You're going into this armed to the teeth, I doubt the mental chatter will have much of a chance. You can't always stop those kind of thoughts 100% but you can recognize them for what they are, just thoughts. You already know all this stuff, I know, but sometime having someone else say it helps reinforce what's already there. Stay positive and stay strong, you'll come out of this even stronger. Again, best wishes for everything going forward.
You're going into this armed to the teeth, I doubt the mental chatter will have much of a chance. You can't always stop those kind of thoughts 100% but you can recognize them for what they are, just thoughts. You already know all this stuff, I know, but sometime having someone else say it helps reinforce what's already there. Stay positive and stay strong, you'll come out of this even stronger. Again, best wishes for everything going forward.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by BASEjumper
Well, it's about two weeks to go. How are you feeling Robbie?
I'm still stoked and totally motivated!!
You know, it's really amazing me just how calm I am going into this... I was so sure I would be visited by so many ghosts in the machine kinda deals. I know all the friendly support here on SR, and with my wife, family, and friends, there is just so much incredible love and understanding all around, I haven't the slightest requirement to battle with my past demons.
I'm really surprised, and so very grateful.
I'm waiting for one last phone call update from my surgeon on whether or not we will combine the undoing of the hip fusion/removal of the hardware, along with the high above the knee amputation. It's now doable as one surgery, it's really a matter of some different choices being made, and they have now been made, so, it's just finding the collective medical team for the combined surgeries. Otherwise, it will be done in the original proposed two stages, about 2 months between each surgery. I should know early next week I hope. Either way works for me.
My July 24th orientation meeting went very well. They did a physical, an ECG, and a final interview, and I'm good to go green lights all the way.
Three to five days in hospital, and then home I go. Home care nurses will change out my bandages, and I'm to take it easy for 30 days. I'll have web access in hospital, and T.V no less, lol.
Sweeeet!!
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Robby, you have been stalwart in your support of us, an exemplar of strength and wisdom, self knowledge and compassion. We are here to support you too, remember.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
