dancer87

I have been sober for almost 4 years. I stopped drinking when I was 21 after drinking heavily for 6 years. I used alcohol to numb the pain of losing 7 friends to suicide and to self medicate my extreme depression. I never wanted people to know of the pain I felt on the inside, so I always came off as a party girl. I had many friends, an active social life, and a suicide plan. Thankfully, my family intervened and I have been sober for almost 4 years.

Anyway, I have recently been wondering if I am truly an alcoholic. I haven't relapsed and have been able to be around people drinking without it being too difficult. I want to be able to enjoy my 20s. I just turned 25 and would love to be able to drink a glass of wine or a bottle of beer or anything socially. I feel like I can be in control of myself.

What do you think?

scrambled2012

Bad Idea.

my 2 cents.

sorry to be so short; its been a rough day.

DarkDays

Seed will be planted, you will eventually be back to heavy drinking at sometime, I wish I was your age when I gave it up for ever.

Zee

Blimey, thats a good question! If you had asked me 15 years ago, I'd have said why not? But now Im older, wiser (debatable) and have liver damage through drinking too much, I would say... if you are enjoying yourself OK without the drink, don't go down that slippery slope again. You have been there before. It could be a slow ride or a quick one, it ultimately ends up the same way. $hitty! Thats my 2 pence (cents, euros, rubles)!

TheEnd

You said you want to be able to enjoy your 20s, but drinking doesn't guarantee you will be able to enjoy that. Drinking doesn't guarantee anything. And if you truly are an alcoholic, then your life will take a turn for the worse if you pick up, not too mention how much harder it will be to stop once you start again.

You've been sober for a while. Have you worked any type of program or are you just white knuckling it? Do you have sober friends? I think these things will greatly enhance your sober life. I know being around friends drinking doesn't bother you, or at least you think it doesn't. The fact that you are contemplating picking up means it bothers you at least on an unconscious level. Maybe you shouldn't put yourself in situations such as that so often. An occasion here and there is Ok, but if you do it too often, you will start to wonder if you're missing out or not.

This might also be a time to look at all the things you have as a result of being sober. The fact that you had a suicide plan means at least you have your life, if you can't think of anything else. I would seriously think about this, before you do something you might seriously regret.

Spawn

once an alcoholic always an alcoholic

Dee74

Hi dancer

If you're a drinker like I am, I don't believe we ever reset ourselves...I believe my mind and body have been changed irrevocably.

In fact I don't believe I was ever a normal drinker to be honest, I always drank to be wasted.

I guess I'd have to ask - you've been sober for around the same time I have - what do you think you're missing out on by not drinking?

D

desertsong

I myself would not throw away 4 years of sobriety for a good time. I remember my college days (well, sort of ... I was drunk for most of them). If only I'd quit when you did, I might not have suffered for another 20+ years. I understand being young and wanting to have fun, but there are lots of ways to be social and have a good time that don't include alcohol. JMO.

dancer87

The last 3.5 years haven't been great since I stopped drinking. The first summer was lonely, incredibly lonely. I was going to AA meetings, but I had no friends. All of my friends stopped talking to me when I stopped drinking. I met a boy in my AA meeting and we began dating. I dated him for almost 2 years and we got engaged. I found out near the end of our relationship that he had been drinking and using drugs behind my back. It was terrible. I had to end it with him. That was about two years ago.

I made a few friends after that, but they were very superficial friendships. I had gotten involved in a church and the "friends" in it didn't drink. Unfortunately this winter I realized I no longer wanted to be a part of that church and left. Those "friends" shunned me.

I have been so lonely. I miss having friends. I miss being carefree. I want to be a normal 25 year old.

Dee74

I've made the mistake more than once of believing drinking would fix stuff like this.
It really doesnt.

I had to dig much deeper and cast my net much wider to finally fix my loneliness and my unhappiness Dancer.

D

Sudz No More

As Yogi Berra Once Said "I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question."

My gut tells me you will be sucked back in to full blown Alcoholic but I could be wrong so you may refer to Yogi Berra.

sugarbear1

I had almost 3 years and started drinking again. I wish I could go back and not pick up that first one (yes, it was only one for a while, then it was 2, then it was more). Everything got really bad.

Do what you want to do, it's your life.

wellwisher

Define fun for me.

Does fun come out of a bottle?

I have to agree with Dee.

Just so you know, my twenties - not so good...drinking, fighting, apologizing -drama - lather, rinse, repeat.....

My forties.....AWESOME! No booze in there, mind you.

Db1105

I got sober when I was 17. I always had to think that drink through. I always came to the same conclusion. I'm an alcoholic. I know I have another drunk in me, I don't know if I have another recovery in me. I was able to enjoy my 20's, 30's, 40's and now 50's without drinking. If drinking is not a problem, then not drinking should be no problem.

dancer87

Thank you for all of your replies.... this one hit me hard though: I have an incredibly small social network now. Mainly just my immediate family who I have grown close to since sobering up. I appreciate all of your replies because it makes me feel as though I have support outside of my normal realm.

No offense taken theend. I have tried. I have gone to weddings and other events. I don't think I have beaten it. I don't believe that I have conquered it by any means. I am trying to be okay in those situations, but with a lack of social life it makes it rough.

2granddaughters

When you were in AA, did you have a sponsor? Did you have a home group and chair meetings? Were you committed to sobriety or just involved in AA?

I was suicidal in my 20's as well and your posts sound just like mine would have been in my 20's (I'm going on 68 now).

dancer, I highly recommend you get back to AA give yourself to the program. You (or I) will never be "normal" but we can be sober and sane with the help or AA.
We get a "daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition".

I wish you the best.

Bob R.

desertsong

The problem with drinking is that it just leads to more isolation. Sure, in the beginning you go out with friends and have a ball, but as the disease progresses, you can find yourself wanting to hide away and drink by yourself. I'm not saying you WILL, but it can and does happen. I used to be the life of the party when I went out drinking with friends but as I got worse and worse, I stayed home and drink so no one would see how bad I got. Spent the last year of my drinking career at home in a bottle all day. The loneliness was unbearable.

It helps to find things to do that you enjoy - hobbies, exercise, etc. Find things that can get you out of the house and around other people (volunteering, book clubs, sports, etc.) Find a new interest that you need to take classes to learn how to do - good way to meet new people with similar interests. And I'll just throw this out there ... AA is a wonderful way to make sober friends. If you'd told me that a few months ago, I would've looked at you like you had two heads, but I've found it to be true. My "new best friend" is a gal I met at AA and we do all kinds of fun stuff together that doesn't involve drinking. Just a few thoughts.

DayTrader

Maybe you can......and maybe, as they wrote in the AA book, it may be worth a case of the jitters to find out for sure.

On the other hand, the life I've found in recovery is so wholly superior to the life I used to have, the idea of giving any of it up just for the ability to drink sounds off key.

It doesn't bother me so much that you're thinking about drinking....but what concerns me is that you seem to be missing out on a lot of what recovery is.... I know for me, "not drinking and doing my best to live life" never seemed to work all that well....not for too long anyway.

dancer87

I haven't been to the meetings in a long, long time. I had a sponsor, but she and I never really had any relationship. When I stopped drinking, I left the University I was attending to pursue another interest which I did for the next three years. I am back in school now finishing my degree. That has helped, but I was hoping to find friends in class. All of the students are young and most of them party every weekend. I think heading back to an AA meeting might be a good idea!

sugarbear1

Call the Ohio Intergroup office and ask about Young People in AA meetings. Here's a link: www.aacentralohio.org/

There are young people like you who are having fun socially.

I wish you well!