CarolD

I started to drink as a rebellion against my non drinking religious family
Decades later I slid into active alcoholism.

Depression is why I quit and now....decades later..
I'm Carol....a recovered AA alcoholic....

DaveVelasco

I drink before just because of peer pressure, and probably out of curiosity.
Later on I drink just because I want to, and to forget certain problems that stresses me out. I almost drink daily before and almost ruined my entire life.

PaperDolls

I used to drink because it was fun.
In the end, I just drank because I was an alcoholic.

RobbyRobot

Honestly?

I drank to feel a whole lot better at feeling like myself and surpassing what was happening to me on so many levels. I was 12 years young. Superman.

At 15 years I was drinking to get control of my loser life and seriously playing with ideations of alcohol and drugs being a ticket to that big show in the sky, you know? All life is a stage was my motto.

At 18 years I'm all stocked up and I'm seriously on the one hand knowingly killing myself and on the other laughing it off as I play to all the illusions and delusions both imagined and real in my sorry alcoholic drug addicted life.

At 21 years I'm a confirmed chronic mental case and a serious write off because I am absolutely refusing any kind of treatment whatsoever -- except of course my DOC alcohol freely administerd by me, myself, and I. And so now I'm always drinking for the same reason: to feel the pain. More the better, okay? It was always about the pain I now know ever since that first drunk at fukking 12. I'm by now a true believer and now alcoholically convinced its always been about the pain. The hurt. The anger. The misfortune. The wasted moments. Oh, yeah. Its all so crystal and pure now. Bring It.

At 24 I'm very much checked out of living in reality and all that that means. I have found myself finally and I am no friend of mine has become the ugly truth. I'm looking into the abyss and its not good, you understand? Have you been there? No way out, eh?!

So I jumped and surrendered in a final rehab detox. One last chance. For my first time ever I would truly ask for help to not die to not kill myself to not be forgotten to not be drunk again. I would ask for any and all help and give up on me being my own savior. For once I would be the anti-hero that I was seemly born to be. I gave up and gave in and others called the shots while I detoxed through my alcoholic insanity.

I dont drink no more no more since being 24.

janiebluebird

I drank to be more fun & outgoing.

john1972

I drank because i was happy, i drank because i was upset. I drank to celebrate and i drank to forget. I drank to be able to sleep at night. I drank because it gave me more energy, or so i thought. I drank because that is what i did.

Zencat

Thanks for the insight Carol.

I too believe I started drinking to be rebellious. Actually I was rebellious before I started to drink.

I may have continued to drink because of having self-harm tenancies.

Eventually the pain of being a drunk was greater than my ability to stay a drunk. I became open to change because I wanted to escape that pain.

least

I drank to medicate anxiety and depression but only made it worse.

iloveme

wow you guys..........thanks........
i stopped hiding behind all the alcoholic men I have dated... I can't blame them anymore....

katrinka

I drank to deal with a huge hurt I couldn't get over. It just made my whole life harder to manage. Now I just don't obsess over that hurt anymore. I'm so much happier.

Wisconsin

Thank you, everyone, for such candid responses. Especially you, John1972...I have often thought that a big factor in my husband's drinking is self-medication. When I read your response, I felt like my husband could have written every word of it. Thank you for the gift of a little insight, and an improved ability to be compassionate.