Back to Sober Recovery !!(very long and boring)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Back to Sober Recovery !!(very long and boring)
Hi everybody,
I have been reading lots here recently.
I came here for support in 2010.
I received a lot of help. I have not taken a drink since Oct 2010.
I have been regularily attending AA.
I made a few wrong turns in my personal life.
Having never been in a relationship before, I jumped at the first person who payed me attention. He turned out to be 7 yrs off drink, but not sober by any means.
I came off 2 heavy antidepressants cold turkey in October 2011 and I have to say am not recommending it, but worked for me. I will qualify that by saying, I do think it was a very risky thing to do and could have gone either way.
I ended up moving in with this guy (August), loosing my job, getting another one. Left boy in the first week of new job after things got physical. Stayed with parents and moved into new apartment in Jan after a month. Never ever cried so much! Floodgates opened. No antidepressants, no booze. Tempted to drink, but had learned from before, not to let that conversation start in my head.
I was very frightened. I had some contact with boy until Feb 15th when he was so cruel and sick with me that I walked away and haven't had contact with him since. (a couple of small necessary texts about house stuff/mail etc).
I ended up leaving horrible, dead-end job. A month unemployed and terrified. Am now back at work since last week and can set my own hours. Just want to get enough to live on and continue to heal. No relationships! Not ready. Must fix what is wrong with me. Why did I accept the treatment I got? That is what I must fix.
I have to work on 12 steps with my wonderful sponsor. I have learned to ask for help in an appropriate reasonable manner. I have started to learn to swim!
I am smoking a lot, and will quit this too.
I have terrible issues with procrastinating. This is lifelong and has to do with being an adult child of an alcoholic lunatic. From counselling a while ago, I learned that it was the only thing I could control? My little child saying "no" where I could. Unfortunately, it was a negative not a positive coping mechanism.
I am working in all different places and I have forced myself to not JUMP into anything as is my MO. I will learn patience and develop a little confidence which has been obliterated in a few short months of a bad relationship.
I will develop a thicker skin. I am way to sensitive!
I am learning to stop and think before acting.
I am learning to say "no". Politely and pleasantly.
I am learning that it really is all about moving forward and trying to plough through the lifetime of "wreckage", to do the next right thing.
I am trying not to instantly judge people.
I will drive along the street and see someone and make a judgement.
"She should loose weight, he should wash his car, she should hold the child's hand.................." For the love of mike! Get over yourself Anne!
I used to get school reports at the age of six, saying I would be in other people's business! I am still at it! I always find it easier to identify and fix other people's problems. It is so much more pleasant than looking at me!
On the flip-side, I have to remember, it is not all about me!
OK, I am not going to go on anymore. I just wanted to introduce myself and come out of the shadows. I was unable to be on here when living with the boy. He was accusing me of being addicted to techie stuff while holding his laptop and 2 phones (not working due to illness) close to him. 'Nuff said!
It is nice to be back.
I hope that everyone on SR is getting some support and seeing that they are not alone. I hope, that they will listen to other people and try not to be offended when people are a bit tough. There is so much wisdom on here.
Take all the help you can get. Go through the hard times. It is not easy, but so worth it to break free from addiction.
Even in the lowest, toughest times, you can say, " I am doing this/living this without alcohol".
Lots of hugs and best wishes to everyone.
Now, it is Mother's day in Ireland so I have to go and pretend to give a hoot!
Next right thing........
Anne.
I have been reading lots here recently.
I came here for support in 2010.
I received a lot of help. I have not taken a drink since Oct 2010.
I have been regularily attending AA.
I made a few wrong turns in my personal life.
Having never been in a relationship before, I jumped at the first person who payed me attention. He turned out to be 7 yrs off drink, but not sober by any means.
I came off 2 heavy antidepressants cold turkey in October 2011 and I have to say am not recommending it, but worked for me. I will qualify that by saying, I do think it was a very risky thing to do and could have gone either way.
I ended up moving in with this guy (August), loosing my job, getting another one. Left boy in the first week of new job after things got physical. Stayed with parents and moved into new apartment in Jan after a month. Never ever cried so much! Floodgates opened. No antidepressants, no booze. Tempted to drink, but had learned from before, not to let that conversation start in my head.
I was very frightened. I had some contact with boy until Feb 15th when he was so cruel and sick with me that I walked away and haven't had contact with him since. (a couple of small necessary texts about house stuff/mail etc).
I ended up leaving horrible, dead-end job. A month unemployed and terrified. Am now back at work since last week and can set my own hours. Just want to get enough to live on and continue to heal. No relationships! Not ready. Must fix what is wrong with me. Why did I accept the treatment I got? That is what I must fix.
I have to work on 12 steps with my wonderful sponsor. I have learned to ask for help in an appropriate reasonable manner. I have started to learn to swim!
I am smoking a lot, and will quit this too.
I have terrible issues with procrastinating. This is lifelong and has to do with being an adult child of an alcoholic lunatic. From counselling a while ago, I learned that it was the only thing I could control? My little child saying "no" where I could. Unfortunately, it was a negative not a positive coping mechanism.
I am working in all different places and I have forced myself to not JUMP into anything as is my MO. I will learn patience and develop a little confidence which has been obliterated in a few short months of a bad relationship.
I will develop a thicker skin. I am way to sensitive!
I am learning to stop and think before acting.
I am learning to say "no". Politely and pleasantly.
I am learning that it really is all about moving forward and trying to plough through the lifetime of "wreckage", to do the next right thing.
I am trying not to instantly judge people.
I will drive along the street and see someone and make a judgement.
"She should loose weight, he should wash his car, she should hold the child's hand.................." For the love of mike! Get over yourself Anne!
I used to get school reports at the age of six, saying I would be in other people's business! I am still at it! I always find it easier to identify and fix other people's problems. It is so much more pleasant than looking at me!
On the flip-side, I have to remember, it is not all about me!
OK, I am not going to go on anymore. I just wanted to introduce myself and come out of the shadows. I was unable to be on here when living with the boy. He was accusing me of being addicted to techie stuff while holding his laptop and 2 phones (not working due to illness) close to him. 'Nuff said!
It is nice to be back.
I hope that everyone on SR is getting some support and seeing that they are not alone. I hope, that they will listen to other people and try not to be offended when people are a bit tough. There is so much wisdom on here.
Take all the help you can get. Go through the hard times. It is not easy, but so worth it to break free from addiction.
Even in the lowest, toughest times, you can say, " I am doing this/living this without alcohol".
Lots of hugs and best wishes to everyone.
Now, it is Mother's day in Ireland so I have to go and pretend to give a hoot!
Next right thing........
Anne.
...Welcome back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Got back from visit to family. Always a bit exhausting.
Thanks for all the kind replies. It was nice to see after getting home.
I had to give my new kitty to my mother a while back because I was working long days and she was on her own. I also could not get any sleep-in in the morning as she was meowing at me to get up every morning. Not for food, for company. I miss her a lot. But, she has the "big" cat and the dog to keep her company now. She also can go outside at my parents house. She was a stray. My "lucky black cat". I buy her cat food. They are kind of old school though and think that is over the top. But dry food is bad for kitty. Of course, I have to buy enough for two as the big fellow would be jealous!
Anyone get the feeling from family that they might be doing a bit too well and they kindof want to take you down a peg or two?
Might be me being a bit oversensitive.
Thanks again.
Thanks for all the kind replies. It was nice to see after getting home.
I had to give my new kitty to my mother a while back because I was working long days and she was on her own. I also could not get any sleep-in in the morning as she was meowing at me to get up every morning. Not for food, for company. I miss her a lot. But, she has the "big" cat and the dog to keep her company now. She also can go outside at my parents house. She was a stray. My "lucky black cat". I buy her cat food. They are kind of old school though and think that is over the top. But dry food is bad for kitty. Of course, I have to buy enough for two as the big fellow would be jealous!
Anyone get the feeling from family that they might be doing a bit too well and they kindof want to take you down a peg or two?
Might be me being a bit oversensitive.
Thanks again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi everyone.
Two nights ago, I was very upset. Tearful and hopeless. Went to sleep crying.
I spent the day yesterday alone. On here a lot, so not completely alone.
I ignored the phone, even though I would say I was lonely.
I did have the sense to go to a meeting. I was headed for one, but changed my mind and went to another. I met a lady there that I have met before. She was in my sister's class in school and is wonderful.
We went for coffee after the meeting and I felt so much better. I could say how I was feeling and get the support I needed.
This morning, I feel so much more optimistic.
I was looking at my bank account on line and got a little anxious. But you know what?
I will be ok. I was out of work for a while, so am a little behind. (rumour has it, I might not be alone there either
) I will get back on track and I can handle this. One foot in front of the other and keep the faith.
I will be ok. How do I know? Because, if I keep doing my part, God will do his.
I just do this one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Have a good day everyone.
Two nights ago, I was very upset. Tearful and hopeless. Went to sleep crying.
I spent the day yesterday alone. On here a lot, so not completely alone.
I ignored the phone, even though I would say I was lonely.
I did have the sense to go to a meeting. I was headed for one, but changed my mind and went to another. I met a lady there that I have met before. She was in my sister's class in school and is wonderful.
We went for coffee after the meeting and I felt so much better. I could say how I was feeling and get the support I needed.
This morning, I feel so much more optimistic.
I was looking at my bank account on line and got a little anxious. But you know what?
I will be ok. I was out of work for a while, so am a little behind. (rumour has it, I might not be alone there either
) I will get back on track and I can handle this. One foot in front of the other and keep the faith.I will be ok. How do I know? Because, if I keep doing my part, God will do his.
I just do this one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You have the right attitude Hollyanne....You keep that and work those steps....I can promise you everything will work out.....Those promises in the Big Book...They come true...If you work for them. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I had a great week.
I was terrified of work and had some terror of being placed in situations that I was not able to handle. At one point, I was considering going to the supervisor and explaining that I had to leave, such was my panic.
I didn't, and worked through my fear.
I am so proud of myself and so grateful to have this help from above.
I now have to be careful of getting cocky. I do that. I know it was not me. It was me choosing to let go and let the chips fall where they may.
I also had the stunning discovery of looking at my payslip and discovering that, due to some tax stuff??, it was twice what I had expected.
The universe is truly minding me at the moment.
I just have to keep letting it.
I was terrified of work and had some terror of being placed in situations that I was not able to handle. At one point, I was considering going to the supervisor and explaining that I had to leave, such was my panic.
I didn't, and worked through my fear.
I am so proud of myself and so grateful to have this help from above.
I now have to be careful of getting cocky. I do that. I know it was not me. It was me choosing to let go and let the chips fall where they may.
I also had the stunning discovery of looking at my payslip and discovering that, due to some tax stuff??, it was twice what I had expected.
The universe is truly minding me at the moment.
I just have to keep letting it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Another week down and doing fine.
I am tired this morning.
I went a week without a meeting and that is not good.
I made up for it though by going Tues, Wed and last night.
I am off now for 3 days and hope to make the most of it.
I am very bad at wasting time and pottering around.
Hope everyone will have a nice sober weekend.
I was reading a few threads about relapsing and I have to say it is so easy to get complacent and drift toward that first drink.
I have flashes of thoughts of drink, frequently enough to make me nervous!
I just know deep down that the disgust and disappointment after would lead to a downward spiral. (did it before, after 2 years) I know I have plenty of drinking left in me, but very unlikely another recovery. Besides, genuinely, life is good, and I believe in the term, "the demon drink".
I am tired this morning.
I went a week without a meeting and that is not good.
I made up for it though by going Tues, Wed and last night.
I am off now for 3 days and hope to make the most of it.
I am very bad at wasting time and pottering around.
Hope everyone will have a nice sober weekend.
I was reading a few threads about relapsing and I have to say it is so easy to get complacent and drift toward that first drink.
I have flashes of thoughts of drink, frequently enough to make me nervous!
I just know deep down that the disgust and disappointment after would lead to a downward spiral. (did it before, after 2 years) I know I have plenty of drinking left in me, but very unlikely another recovery. Besides, genuinely, life is good, and I believe in the term, "the demon drink".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Today, was a bit blah.
But, I got off my arse and went with my friend to "the hill", which is the big mtg in Cork.
Lots of mtgs and lots of hard old geezers.
A fine institution!
The guy doing the chair was an 82yr old. He was awesome.
A pleasure to listen to.
I have a job now that is week to week and I enjoy the freedom of picking my own hours. I had decided to go easy this week as was a bit tired.
But, when I hadn't heard from them and got less offers of work, started worrying!
WTF! Hilarious. Have calmed down now and copped myself on.
I will be fine. It is fear. Fear, fear, fear.
I have a long way to go with this thing. But what a journey.
Hope everyone is doing good. I write this for myself as much as anything.
I am bad at the journalling thing, so, even this edited version is good to contemplate as I write.
Anne
But, I got off my arse and went with my friend to "the hill", which is the big mtg in Cork.
Lots of mtgs and lots of hard old geezers.
A fine institution!
The guy doing the chair was an 82yr old. He was awesome.
A pleasure to listen to.
I have a job now that is week to week and I enjoy the freedom of picking my own hours. I had decided to go easy this week as was a bit tired.
But, when I hadn't heard from them and got less offers of work, started worrying!
WTF! Hilarious. Have calmed down now and copped myself on.
I will be fine. It is fear. Fear, fear, fear.
I have a long way to go with this thing. But what a journey.
Hope everyone is doing good. I write this for myself as much as anything.
I am bad at the journalling thing, so, even this edited version is good to contemplate as I write.
Anne
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