DoinThis

I've heard alcoholism described as baffling many times and I know its progssive. I am completely baffled at how bad it can be. Reading some people's quantities and 24/7 drinking baffles me. Is this where I was headed if I continued to drink? Why do some have to get so dysfunctional before they get help. It baffles me that some can lose everything then get sober and remain sober but they've lost so much by then Does every alcy end up having shots in the morning ect?

Tippingpoint

I don't think everyone is destined to end up at that stage. I think a lot of it depends on the individual and their situation vis a vis work and home life and all of that.

Many of us run up the white flag long before things get that bad.

My own father is still a 4pm to 9pm drinker to this day...he hasn't really changed much in the past 43 years that I've known him.

Holly7

No I was never a shots in the morning person. in fact I have never had a drink in the morning and never drank liquor either. I was a couple of glasses of wine maybe even the bottle 4 days out of the week drinker. I didn't loose anything, I still have my husband, house, health, and never got in trouble with the law, but i knew if i kept on with my drinking it would lead to all these things so I stopped.

Dee74

For me the progression was so insidious that I really wasn't aware of it...and when I did think about it I rationalised it away, as stupid as that sounds (look at my life...I need to drink, it's just a phase, nobody knows the trouble I've seen etc)

By the time I was drinking in the morning and having a belt to stop shaking or being sick, a lot of the people I was hanging out with by then were doing that too.

When all you got is crazy, you go with crazy...insanity makes a whole lot of crazy stuff look normal.

D

2granddaughters

I heard a person at the meeting the other night say that they hit their bottom when they couldn't lower their moral standards as fast as they were falling into depravity.

jc76

Baffling, cunning, powerful. I'm not actively sober or in AA but those 3 words describe it. Maybe they should add "wicked" to it. I'm alcoholic Im a binge drinker, 1-3 days then ill sober up for a few days, I never ever drink in the morning. If I have a hangover Idrink water,go walking and accept the horrible feeling that I brought on myself. The "hair of the dog" is not an option for me. But alcoholism is alcoholism, plain n simple. Destructive.

Sapling

You think you can control it...You lie to yourself it's under control...Then you get to a point....You have no control at all...For myself...I was a fear driven drinker....I started off with the fear I wouldn't be accepted by other people without it...That backfired...Then I had a fear I couldn't live without it...That almost killed me....Then I had a fear it was impossible for me to stop...That terrified me...And I drank more...I just wanted to end it....Somehow I realized I couldn't beat it...And if I just gave up and faced those fears...I'd be OK..And it worked.

desertsong

Not just cunning, baffling and powerful, but also patient, unforgiving, greedy, and determined. Both of my parents were alcoholics, and growing up I swore I would never end up like them. The best laid plans ...

aeo1313

i am buzzed and just want a hydrocodone so bad. why do i even keep reading these boards?

Sapling

Must be some small part of you that just wants to get better...Maybe some day you'll listen to it.

Dee74

I agree aeo - keep fanning that spark in you that wants to put that life behind you.

D

BlueMoon

I drank for almost 20 years. I was a binge drinker – I never had to drink every day.
When I lost my job, my home and my son, I was totally baffled as to HOW it had happened.
Everyone is different and yet we’re all the same – alcohol hates us all.

sugarbear1

aeo, I spent about 7 or more years online reading at SR and even helping others get sober while at another site while I drank. About a year after another person told me I had helped them get to 9 months is when I finally stayed stopped! I wanted to be sober, I just wasn't ready to surrender.

DoinThis, I drank in the morning because of my past cocaine use--day and night became just a different hour of the day and when I finally quit, I was living with someone who worked nights, so I got to spend different hours talking (and I was awake, not always sober and often drinking/"wide awake--meaning high" when his children came home from school and he was at work). When I quit the coke, I still had erratic sleep or "work" hours, so time was irrelevant. I drank after I was awake for a while, slept when I could; time just wasn't relevant, neither were holidays, they became just another day. Today, I am on a much better daytime schedule and I'm sober.

newleaves2012

Dointhis
it's a really good question you've posed. I have 76 days and the whole thing with alcohol is STILL baffling to me. just today my mind started running this thought about how I could have a few beers in the evenings and all would be well. didn't matter that I'd tried to do just that many times before only to wind up drinking more than ever before. each time quitting just gets harder as well.
I was a high functioning alcohol abuser. grew up dirt poor and it made me scared as hell of not having a job and not having money. it's the only thing that was able to keep that one part of my life. everything else was a mess though, and in the end I wound up wrecking a work vehicle under the influence but not during the work day. by the grace of God my boss was nice about it.
the only way I can beat it is to not have any of it. but that doesn't mean it goes away. will always be there waiting for me to slip and it's back to square one. so very cunning.

MysteriousGrl

I too was a 'part time' morning drinker. I'd go on binges for 2-4 days, wake up feeling horrible each day and drink to get rid of the DTs. I'd slowly taper myself off the hard stuff and switch to beer before I'd become sober again for a few days. During the height of my alcoholism I spent two months drinking 24/7. I don't ever want to go back to that lonely, sick, tiring place. I still drink, and have it some what under control. I only drink on the weekends, and maybe once or twice during the week. However, when I do drink, I drink to get drunk. I realize I still have a problem, I'm just not sure that I'm ready to surrender yet. I've tried 30 day inpatient rehabs twice, went to outpatient treatment, saw therapists etc. but none of it seemed to stop me from relapsing every time. I've lost a lot due to my alcoholism, and dont want to continue to wreck my life and miss out on opportunities. All I know is that I really have to want to quit or it wont work.

Sapling

Just curious...What's it going to take to get you there?

NYCDoglvr

It's "cunning, baffling and powerful..." I didn't drink in the morning but I downed a magnum of wine every day for years. I suggest not generalizing about alcoholics.

It helps to keep in mind that alcoholism is categorized as a mental illness by the AMA. Even in the Big Book Bill Wilson says that "drinking is but a symptom". After being sober 20 years I have alcoholic thoughts from time to time....

I'd quit smoking 15 years previously, went out of town to say with a friend for three nights who smoked. So I smoked about three cigarettes per day while with him. After being home a week it occurred to me that I hadn't even thought about drinking ......... so I'll go out and buy a pack.

We alcoholics think differently which anyone who's ever gone to an AA meeting understands.

MysteriousGrl

I'm honestly not sure. I managed to lose my home, professional job of nine years, boyfriend of eight years, friends, some family members, and had no other choice but to move back home to my mums house where I am cared for with unconditional love and non-judgement. It seems like no matter what consequences I suffer, alcohol is much more powerful and I end up giving in to it. My health deteriorating is probably my biggest fear and will be the main motivator for me to get sober and stay sober. I want to be able to do it before it's too late and I cause any permanent damage. Cunning, baffling, powerful....Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired....are all words I need to reiterate every single minute of every day. I didn't drink today and I'm setting myself a goal not to drink tomorrow. All I can do is take it one day at a time. In rehab I had to write a list of 50 negative consequences while under the influence. I'm going to dig it out and put it on my bedroom mirror so that it's a constant reminder of how my life got progressively worse with each relapse and how the consequences became far worse too.

Dee74

Hi mysteriousgirl

I found being a part opf this community really changed things for me - it was different knowing I wasn't alone, it was easier to admit I did have a problem, and it was great to have support and, I have to admit, good to have a community to be accountable to.

I hope you'll find us useful too

welcome to SR!
D

LosingmyMisery

Does every alcy end up having shots in the morning ect?

No, but I did. I never in a million years could have imagined that would be my life. Cunning, powerful, baffling...indeed. The denial, the degradation...I'm grateful for the solution.