Not taking it personally. Repeat. Repeat...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Not taking it personally. Repeat. Repeat...
I just need to vent this out, until I can call my sponsor. On facebook this morning my mom had posted on one of our family friends' page: "You're the BEST auntie EVER!" Thing is, I'm the actual blood-relative aunt to my sister's kids; that family friend is, well, a family friend. I'm really struggling not to take this personally. The family friend does spend more time with my mom, sister and the kids, because my sister and I are not close. But did that need to be posted?? 
While I'm venting I might as well get this one out too, last week my mom sent me an email with an Irish drinking song video. Like I, as a newly-recovering alcoholic, would want to watch that.
Can a girl get a break?
While I'm venting I might as well get this one out too, last week my mom sent me an email with an Irish drinking song video. Like I, as a newly-recovering alcoholic, would want to watch that.
Can a girl get a break?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Hey Foodie!
Harsh, dude, but you're right to vent here first - now it's off your chest, do you really think that was an honest and final evaluation of her auntyness? Like she'd been weighing up the two of you for a while and has finally reached a final decision?
Nah, it was a throwaway comment, an easy compliment, not meant to get on your nerves. Throw it off. Be a brilliant auntie. I make my neices and nephews compete for my love and bring me chocolate, with a clear pecking order of who is my current favourite. Make it work for you, bugger what they think!
Although the drinking song was just plain insensitive...
Still
xx
Harsh, dude, but you're right to vent here first - now it's off your chest, do you really think that was an honest and final evaluation of her auntyness? Like she'd been weighing up the two of you for a while and has finally reached a final decision?
Nah, it was a throwaway comment, an easy compliment, not meant to get on your nerves. Throw it off. Be a brilliant auntie. I make my neices and nephews compete for my love and bring me chocolate, with a clear pecking order of who is my current favourite. Make it work for you, bugger what they think!
Although the drinking song was just plain insensitive...
Still
xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
Are alcoholics more sensitive then the average joe? :P
In the beginning of Facebook, comments like that made me feel crappy.(I'm kinda sensitive) now I simply remember Facebook is exactly like poster above said "surface statements with phony roots" IMO FB is only designed to serve the ego..a pretty self absorbed "social networking" program.. "look what I've done", "what I am doing" or " I am going to do"."Look what I bought" or "Look where I am going"...me,me,me!!
who cares and the video was in poor taste.
In the beginning of Facebook, comments like that made me feel crappy.(I'm kinda sensitive) now I simply remember Facebook is exactly like poster above said "surface statements with phony roots" IMO FB is only designed to serve the ego..a pretty self absorbed "social networking" program.. "look what I've done", "what I am doing" or " I am going to do"."Look what I bought" or "Look where I am going"...me,me,me!!
who cares and the video was in poor taste.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
foodie
We humans just don't say everything perfect. We don't.. We don't know how to communicate, have relationships, talk about much of anything that is below the surface. We are scared people who try with what we know by others who have shown us.... Wait.. That is SCARY! So. we may say things, or kick another like when I was oh 36, but it I really like you inside I just have no clue how to show it. Please forgive me!
We humans just don't say everything perfect. We don't.. We don't know how to communicate, have relationships, talk about much of anything that is below the surface. We are scared people who try with what we know by others who have shown us.... Wait.. That is SCARY! So. we may say things, or kick another like when I was oh 36, but it I really like you inside I just have no clue how to show it. Please forgive me!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
The written word is so undiluted sometimes.......especially on facebook where it seems some people just spew out the first thing that comes to their minds. My own mother is probably one of the most insensitive person I know ( no, not harsh......spot on), and I'm eternally grateful she has no idea how to "do" facebook. I would have to leave the country if she did.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 65
The funniest thing on Facebook. There are people posting ridicuolus stuff when they are "supposed" to be working. All day. Wonder how much the Employers lose money on this? I don't care that Lunch is the best time of your day? Seriously.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
You mentioned "sponsor" so I assume you're in AA. That's good......the steps have a LOT of answers to your questions. 
As for the aunt stuff.....most active alcoholics are horrible aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, nuns, priests, engineers, doctors, lawyers......etc through infinity...... "though we usually don't think so."
I'd suggest......if you're an alkie like I'm an alkie, the family friend probably was a much better aunt than you were. The lucky thing is now you have the opportunity to correct all that stuff.
.......observation: focusing on your nieces/nephews (IF that's a priority for you......your actions will indicate if it is or not) more and worrying less about what so-an-so posted about someone else and how that effects you ---> that'll solve the original problem AND help you feel better.
As for the aunt stuff.....most active alcoholics are horrible aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, nuns, priests, engineers, doctors, lawyers......etc through infinity...... "though we usually don't think so."
I'd suggest......if you're an alkie like I'm an alkie, the family friend probably was a much better aunt than you were. The lucky thing is now you have the opportunity to correct all that stuff.
.......observation: focusing on your nieces/nephews (IF that's a priority for you......your actions will indicate if it is or not) more and worrying less about what so-an-so posted about someone else and how that effects you ---> that'll solve the original problem AND help you feel better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Thanks for your helpful comments gang. I talked with my sponsor, who reminded me that these are the very people from whom I'm detaching because they're toxic. (and manipulative, lying, hurtful, vengeful...) She reminded me that I'm working through change, and being a sober example of love and growth is being the best aunt I can be.
When I logged onto facebook this morning I saw that my sister had "liked" the comment. That was it for me. I removed my membership. Sobriety is everything to me, without it I have literally nothing. Now I'll have more time to read constructive posts in a positive environment...or (gasp) get off the computer and live my life!
When I logged onto facebook this morning I saw that my sister had "liked" the comment. That was it for me. I removed my membership. Sobriety is everything to me, without it I have literally nothing. Now I'll have more time to read constructive posts in a positive environment...or (gasp) get off the computer and live my life!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 79
"Twitter makes me envy people I've never met; Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life."
Just remember it's all an illusion! Although yeah that video was definitely insensitive. Might wanna call mom out on that one.
Just remember it's all an illusion! Although yeah that video was definitely insensitive. Might wanna call mom out on that one.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 13
That quote is brilliant. Thank you. And it's so right not to take this personally. People never think before they post on Facebook.
Originally Posted by GonzoTaxi 
"Twitter makes me envy people I've never met; Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life."
Just remember it's all an illusion! Although yeah that video was definitely insensitive. Might wanna call mom out on that one.
Just remember it's all an illusion! Although yeah that video was definitely insensitive. Might wanna call mom out on that one.
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