One drink offer after another....
 

Hello everyone!! I haven't drank in a little over two and a half months. A few close friends are fully aware that I don't drink...and why...so I feel comfortable with them if alcohol is around. They usually don't question me or bring up anything unless I want to talk about it first.

So I made some new friends at my job...I use the word "friend" lightly...more like acquaintences that have potential to be friends. This is how last week went.

1. Co-worker and I realized that our birthday is a day apart. She says, "Oh that's great, we should meet up for drinks!!"

2. Some random guy didn't realize that I was in a relationship and asked me for a date. He says, "You should let me buy you a drink sometime."

3. Another co-worker is having a jewelry party and I got an invite. Wait for it...wait for it... Then someone says,"Will there be adult drinks there?" "Oh, hahaha, of course!! Sending the kids away for the evening too."

The date was easy to turn down, so that one isn't a problem.

I chose to be wishy washy with the other two. Said that I would look at my schedule and see if I have something planned. Since I'm so extemely busy you know (sarcasm). My plan is to just act like I have something scheduled and flake out on both of them.

In a way, I just don't think I'm ready to hang out with new people. I feel like this might be a trigger for me. My alcoholic voice was screaming at me all last week. Just do it!!! It will be fun!!!

Don't worry, I'm not caving in no matter what. I guess the moral of the story, is that the first couple of people I meet, and like, bring up alcohol as a way to hang out in one way or another. Huge turn off. Almost felt like a deflating balloon.

I just can't put myself in those situations, trying to manage stress and anxiety of meeting new people, while staying focused on not screwing up my progress.

I'll be able to get out of these situations for now, but I wonder how many excuses I will be able to come up with in the long run.

My first idea is to hang out with these people on my terms, doing something that doesn't involve alcohol, and on an individual basis instead of in a party type atmosphere. Then, I could disclose more personal information about myself, and base our friendship on something besides a liquor glass.

I don't know these people very well, not sure if they are social drinkers, teetotalers, whatever. I just imagine myself walking into a house party with a keg and unlimited alcohol selection. Worst case scenerio in my mind.

I do like to socialize but I feel like it's going to be a long time before I'm able to hang out casually with people I don't know very well and not drink. It's disappointing that I'm not able to do that, but the outcome of staying sober will be worth it.

Can't wait until someone invites me to do something that doesn't involve booze.

A lot of people drink - comparatively few like I used to - but a lot of people drink.
I make sure people know I'm a non drinker right from the start.

No essay - just that basic fact.

It can mean some the warm invites suddenly turn cool - but then I figure I probably wouldn't have a lot to do with those people anyway....

D

I think everyone has their own approach to this problem, but the way I've been dealing with it is just to say, "oh, well I don't drink, but I'd like to meet up sometime."

That's it. You don't have to explain why you don't drink.

It is funny how the word "drinks" starts to leap at you isn't it?!

I have a 5K St. Patrick's Day race that has a pub stop in the middle of it, and one free beer per runner. I'm running with 3 co-workers who can't wait to run after drinking. It will be perfectly possible to drink water there but the noise of that one free beer jingles on the edge of my consciousness.

Yippee!! A free beer, a whole $3 value....and what would follow upon that one bargain would be costly in the extreme.

Everyone handles these situations very differently. Here is my experience and what has and continues to work for me. My career (sales/financial services) is all about wining & dining - alcohol is everywhere. I found that being able to mentally prep myself prior to dinners, functions, etc where alcohol is prevelant helps tremendously. I know what the situation will be like and have a plan in place in case things become 'difficult' for me. Many people have asked me "oh, you dont drink - how come?" I love to respond with humor - "Actually, I am a professional drinker" is my favorite.
You know what the scene will be like and can prep for it ahead of time. Show up with a 6-pack of perrier or soda maybe? Have a plan B if things become hard for you.

Best of luck.

G

Im around people that drink all the time... everyone drinks...alot! My husband is Russian, and was merrily brewing gallons of spiced/flavoured/infused vodkas for the last few months. In fact I have had so much exposure to it, you wouldn't believe. The smell of it actually makes me queezy now. I can't even sniff one of his beers just for nostalga. Makes me want to gag! What I don't like, is the way people are when they get drunk... I hate it with a passion! I get so moody! Im not jealous or anything, I just hate the way they act. (Good god I used to be like that!!!) The funny thing is... nobody thinks THEY have a problem. I can go to a pub for a meal and happily drink soda and lime (nice and also cheap ha ha!) but I can't stay for long as people tend to get louder and louder, and their jokes aren't funny. Maybe its because I was so ill with it, its programmed into me that it is poison now because I had/still have physical effect from liver disease. Ho hum...

I know what you mean but I would think new people would be easier than the old friends. If they never knew you as a drinker than you can be everything you imagine yourself to be right from the start (in control and totally put together ;) Maybe you are feeling a bit hypersensitive about the whole thing too and with time you'll feel more confident and not care whether drinks are offered or not. It's funny cause when people call and say, "I just opened a bottle of wine and totally thought of you" I get a little bitchy! We come out fighting. Don't take the offers of "let's go for drinks" personally. People just say that **** cause no one says, "let's go for lemonade"!

Thanks everyone, for putting your perspective on this. I shouldn't be so preoccupied about how other people will react towards the fact that I don't drink. I should be glad that I don't want to introduce the "drunk blackoutgirl" to them. That just isn't healthy for anyone.

WineyWinerton, thanks for making me laugh:)

"Don't take the offers of "let's go for drinks" personally. People just say that **** cause no one says, "let's go for lemonade"!

That was too funny and really lightened my mood tonight!!

Instead of pretending you have something to do, you should try to make other sober plans so you do have something to do! haha.

I think you're on the right track, at least with your close friends. You just have to make the choice as to whether new friends will: A. Mind if you don't drink and don't want to be around it and B. If they do mind, if it is worth potentially risking your sobriety to be with these "friends".