ButterflyMan

It's day 198 and I've been doing well till now. For the last few Weeks I've been considering having a drink. Not right now but in a few Weeks my partner is leaving on holiday with friends. Due to my working conditions I've been forced to take a week off wor coincedentally at the same time. I keep telling myself it will be fine if I lock myself away and have a one time only night. I dont have any friends having left them behind when I quit my destructive lifestyle so I'll be totally alone for that week. I'm slipping after doing so well.

stillsleeping

Oh honey, you poor thing. Siren call, huh? Why don't you try visualising it? Really think what that night would be like. Alone, locked in a room, with, what? a bottle? a stack of cans? mechanically downing them until you hit some kind of wall and fall asleep. And when you wake up, wrecked, it'll be day one. Not, like, day 220 or whatever it should be. Not a romantic vision. It'd be rubbish. Let it go.

Wise, huh? hands are shaking so hard now I'm deleting as much as I'm posting. Day four...

Good luck. Let me know what you decide
Still
xxx

eh1988

Not worth it. I'm going on day 8 and I'd be so upset with myself if I relapsed, I'm proud of my 8 days, it aint much but I worked hella hard for these 8 days and I'm not giving them up for that crap anymore. It nearly destroyed my life. You have a lot to be proud of and that feeling of wanting a drink will soon pass, try to keep yourself busy and pre occupied with other things.

instant

Butterflyman. We can all drink if we want to. It's legal and to a large degree encouraged. I understand the attraction of what you have proposed. I would encourage you to get a bit of paper and do a pros and cons list of doing it and not doing it that covers all the bases.

I used to let loose when my wife was away. It gave me a taste of what I would become without the structure of work and our relationship. It was not pretty, and I would not last long.

Dee74

Why not throw yourself into recovery that week Butterflyman - I don't know whether you're a meetings guys but it might not hurt to go to a couple and find another layer of support?

D

DarkDays

Day 55 and I am never ever going through these early stages again, I know from previous quits once I start drinking again its a long time before I catch that quitting wave again.

198 days, good stuff.

Be bored , stare at a ceiling for 24 hours even this is better than going back and starting the up the dark cycle of Drink and manic thoughts, well for me it is anyway.

dawnrunner

What about a different plan: Kind of a personal week of immersion in all the things you love best in life?

These might be: Special foods, artisan coffees, exercise, reading in a coffee shop, movie in full-screen theater, a long walk every day, paint a room in your house, play the guitar, write a song, walk your dog, give your cat a bath (ha ha just kidding), whatever you love. You could think of the entire week as a gift to yourself and a love letter to life.

It's crucial to have a plan though. I like to actually write out a list of what I'll do in a free day, so there is none of that rattling-around feeling that can so easily be filled by seductive messages from your inner addict. Because these messages are lies as you know.

Best wishes to you and kudos for recognizing the danger ahead and taking steps to be safe.

ANEWAUGUST

Those thoughts are the old you, the drinking you.

You don't drink anymore, you made that decision 198 days ago.

Do something different. As Dee suggested, maybe you can go to meeting.Or plan to do something you have always wanted to but, haven't before. You can do this, you have done it for 198 days.

MsJax

Hi Butterfly. I used to do that too, when my partner was out of town, get so loaded. Had days in a row with no shower, no getting dressed, just binging. Gross.

I love Dawnrunners idea of taking the week to do special stuff for you, & like Dee said maybe go to some meetings. Maybe do a special household project~something you will see the results of~painting, organizing...whatever. You know you don't want to do day 1 ever again, right?

It's good that you recognize what's going on & you can make a plan for yourself to get through this time feeling even better & stronger that ever.

ButterflyMan

Thank you guys. I had all but decided I was going to drink in secret before I made myself come here. The notion has not gone, I'd be lying if I said it had, but coming back here reminds me of how horrificly chaotic things once were. I don't go to meetings, its never really been me but I will consider it if things get too hard.

Dawnrunner, I love your idea. I reckon a week of me things could benefit me in so many ways. Might even find some new hobbies.

I'm feeling a up to my neck in it at the moment with this stupid brain trying to reason itself a drink. I have not been about much in a while so I reckon I should stick about. Might even help a few others.

Thanks again.

CloudyDays

ButterflyMan. Oh... I know. I had over a year sober and my family started planning this huge party weekend in which the entire extended family was to be invited. We live in America but even the relatives from London, Scotland and Poland were invited. That kind of big party weekend.

Any my family drinks. DRINKS. Even though I tried to "arm" myself for the weekend, prepare mentally to do battle with all the booze around me, I knew deep down inside that I would relapse. I didn't admit it consciously, but I somehow enjoyed the torture of it all, poor me I can't drink, how will I ever survive this?? What I didn't realize is that even in these poor me thoughts, I was almost .... pre-lapsing if that makes any sense. For a whole year I was living healthy and thoughts of alcohol did NOT run my life. I was free and happy and could go for months at a time not even thinking about booze. Strange but true!! But as soon as I had this excuse, this upcoming party to wrestle with, I invited the drinking thoughts back in and marinated in them.

I'm not saying I shouldn't have thought about it ahead of time and tried to make a plan to stay sober, but instead what I did was, at the first thought of alcohol and how to deal with it, I let myself get negative and go down the rabbit hole of obsessive alcohol thoughts.

The sad truth is that I drank that weekend. And continued to drink. Today I am going on 4 days sober. I lost 7 months to drinking, almost lost everything. And now I'm back on day 4. And it all started with ... not the weekend itself... but the thoughts and plans leading up to that weekend.

Sorry to be so long winded. I just wanted to share because I can relate. I wish so much I could keep others from making the mistake I made, but I know I can't force anyone to do anything.

Be well,

CD

Charon

One is always too many and ten thousand are never enough. I've told myself so many times "I'll just have a half pint tonight and that will be it". And it always has been IT - only not the way I planned. At least for me there is no such thing as just one or just once.

Firehazard

Bman. Relax......Relax.....Relax.......and take

care of yourself in a gentle way

if you can starting today. If you do not give yourself permision I will. Having a rough

time for me does not equal having a drink. To me having a one night only is like finding

the nearest bridge and jumping off. Make the right decision and continue to be a

inspiration for me.

Congrats on day 198