The sad, the bad and the glad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
The sad, the bad and the glad
Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it blows, other times I'm not really sure which way it goes...
So I have been doing pretty good if you look back all the way to the first day which was over two years now. That said, I still have my weak moments when I gladly drop the ball. Sometimes I like, sometimes I don't, sometimes I convince myself I won't. It all still comes full circle and I am staring at an empty bottle. Then I get right back into the sober swing.
Some people might call this normal but I know it is not, at least not for me. It is sort of like I achieved unintended moderation but the difference being when I drink it is beyond enjoying a beer and I know that.
My body tells me too now and it never did before. Little physical twitches and glitches that I never got before plague me now after a "session". They go away quickly though and I go right back to sobriety like I never stopped. Still, it is worrisome and troublesome to me that I continue to let my defenses down and risk going back full steam ahead.
I have to thank my wife for keeping me in check because she hates my Alcoholism worse than me. I am committed to the "idea" of being sober I just can't seem to break that last shackle. Maybe I'm always gonna have that ankle bracelet but at least maybe I could wear some boot cut jeans to hide it?
See that is the Alcoholic in me again, always reasoning beyond the absurd and giving false answers to my own premonitions.
For today, I think healthy, I feel healthy and I have a healthy outlook. Trouble is, what will tomorrow bring?
Tomorrow is another day, another chance to continue down the right path. HP willing...
So I have been doing pretty good if you look back all the way to the first day which was over two years now. That said, I still have my weak moments when I gladly drop the ball. Sometimes I like, sometimes I don't, sometimes I convince myself I won't. It all still comes full circle and I am staring at an empty bottle. Then I get right back into the sober swing.
Some people might call this normal but I know it is not, at least not for me. It is sort of like I achieved unintended moderation but the difference being when I drink it is beyond enjoying a beer and I know that.
My body tells me too now and it never did before. Little physical twitches and glitches that I never got before plague me now after a "session". They go away quickly though and I go right back to sobriety like I never stopped. Still, it is worrisome and troublesome to me that I continue to let my defenses down and risk going back full steam ahead.
I have to thank my wife for keeping me in check because she hates my Alcoholism worse than me. I am committed to the "idea" of being sober I just can't seem to break that last shackle. Maybe I'm always gonna have that ankle bracelet but at least maybe I could wear some boot cut jeans to hide it?
See that is the Alcoholic in me again, always reasoning beyond the absurd and giving false answers to my own premonitions.
For today, I think healthy, I feel healthy and I have a healthy outlook. Trouble is, what will tomorrow bring?
Tomorrow is another day, another chance to continue down the right path. HP willing...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
It took me a long time to accept I had to change my life, Sudz.
I thought my life was pretty good - I just drank a little too much.
In fact I drank alcoholically, I was killing myself, and my life was not good.
I'm glad my body eventually gave up on me because I really love the life I have now, and I love the man I am.
I wouldn't have gotten here though, without leaving booze behind.
I really hope you don't have to have your body give up on you too just so you can 'get it' too.
D
I thought my life was pretty good - I just drank a little too much.
In fact I drank alcoholically, I was killing myself, and my life was not good.
I'm glad my body eventually gave up on me because I really love the life I have now, and I love the man I am.
I wouldn't have gotten here though, without leaving booze behind.
I really hope you don't have to have your body give up on you too just so you can 'get it' too.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I really hope you don't have to have your body give up on you too just so you can 'get it' too.
D
Not to worry too much though, when I am sober I feel great and that is most of the time now. I just need to make it all the time.
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