YouAndTequila

I feel like I've had a million Day 8's. I can't seem to get this right, just when I think I've succeeded in overcoming my addiction I fall off the wagon. It seems like it hits hardest when I'm feeling good!

I'm struggling right now not to blow it again. I have no program, nothing really, just willpower and I'm white-knuckling it at this very moment. 90% of the time right now I'm stranded without a vehicle, I'm in boonyville too. Most of my drinking, if not all is uneventful, I've hit no bottom, in fact my drinking was Much worse years ago.

Occassionally in the summer I have a few regrets about the way I've acted around people, but most of the time I drink alone at home. Nobody notices, nobody cares really. My main concern is that it has made my depression much worse, debilitating sometimes (I've had depression pretty much my whole life, been drinking for 6 years), and drinking makes me feel unwell. It zaps my energy, makes me gain weight, and basically just kicks my butt every time lately.

I've actually been trying to quit for 5 1/2 out of the 6 years. It's insanity. Not sure what I want/need, just wanted to vent I guess, trying to fight this mental obsession once again.

SoberMan2012

practice makes the master, dont give up friend.

Dee74

Maybe you need to change that You&?

If AA's your thing have you called up the local office? you might be able to get a lift?

Lots of methods have online meetings too - including AA, SMART and LifeRing - and Rational Recovery has no meetings at all

D

NYCDoglvr

I also couldn't get sober on my own (did I ever reach day 8?). It was the support of other Alcoholics in AA that carried me through the worse of it.

YouAndTequila

Dee, I would love to go to AA, but no transportation to meetings and I'm way out, away from everything. Also, not sure how anonymous it really is, problems there, don't want to shame the family. I look at those that are able to go to rehab or their doctor and get help, and I wish I had that opportunity. I have no health insurance, no Doctor, no transportation, no support. Online help is all I have and I've visited every single forum and read everything I could on alcoholism. I'm not in denial, I know I have a problem, but I'm on my own. I never give up, I've struggled to totally quit for over 5 years, reason I don't drink 24/7 anymore like I used to, I fight the urge. I would do a shot instead of coffee in the morning, 4 years ago. thanks all, I spend a lot of time here.

Dee74

When it gets right down to it, I think success depends on commitment and effort You& Tequila.

I didn't use anything but SR - but I was determined to change my life, and do whatever it took to start making different choices and not drink.

If SR's not been enough for you, then I reckon you need to add other things.

I understand about isolation and transport and money and all of that - but I don't think it's ever true to say you've tried everything or that there's no options left?

D