Dee74

I'm really sorry life is so joyless for you Sally - I really think you would find things got better if you stopped drinking though.

It took me a few months of sobriety for my point of view in life to change - it was that ingrained & I had no idea of how insidious alcohols power over me was - but it did.

just curious too - did you ever get to grief counselling, Sally?

D

laurie6781

Ahhhhhh, but Sally you see it is FOR YOU. You want to be the BEST PERSON you can be FOR YOUR KIDS. Well, then the wanting sobriety is FOR YOU so that you CAN BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE FOR YOUR KIDS.

I don't know if in the UK they go for coffee/tea after a meeting as a lot seem to do here in the states, but if they do, go with. You don't have to say much, just listen. Listen to the conversations, see which members 'walk' the way they talk in meetings. Do they gossip? Talk about a member behind her back? or do they stay in today? Obviously the former are not ones to consider as a new sponsor.

There is also a booklet, that might help you in picking a sponsor. If it is not on the literature rack at your meetings, you can read it on line here:

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Please remember, that sometimes our first or second choice or even our third may not be the correct one for us. There is no rule about having to 'stay with the same sponsor once you ask someone.'

So for YOUR SAKES, so that you can be THE BEST MOM POSSIBLE FOR YOUR KIDS, check out some more meetings and keep your ears open for the sponsor you believe might be able to help you.

Also, feel free to post here anytime day or night. Even though we are not all in the same time zone, SR is open 24/7 and there is usually someone here to respond.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

ps: yes it is 2:39am here in my time zone, which makes it 9:39am in yours, rofmao

Sally1009

Dee: I found that in the months I did stay sober last year ( 5 straight off, followed by relapse about every two months), I still felt pretty down for the majority of the time. I also happen to be a long-term sufferer of clinical depressio, which at the moment is hard to distinguish from grief. I do get occasional happy moments, mainly in company though. The loneliness is the worst. Yes, I am now on a waiting list for grief counselling..
Laurie: Thank you for your post. In the uk people dont tend to meet for coffee after meetings, tho they may do in the cities . That would be nice..
Thanks for the link on sponsorship. I will read it now.

Dee74

Just remember you have a lot of people in yr corner here Sally.
You're part of the SR family

D

Sally1009

Thank you, Dee. That's really sweet of you to say so. Feel a bit better already

Sapling

You have to change that Ing...I was there...You can find a sponsor that has beliefs like yours...Ask in a meeting if someone can take you through the steps and you are having a very serious problem with step 2....If there is someone that can help you..They'll understand what you are going through...If you don't find one there...Keep trying...The steps are the answers Ing...The solution to how you feel right now..How I felt. You'll be happy and you can enjoy that social life AA has to offer....Meet people that are like you....You can be there for you kids..A happy Mother....If you want to give up on doing this for you and being happy...I can't stop you....But I'm not going to give up on you...I'd like you to at least try what I suggested and let me know how it goes...I'd like to see you happy.

Zencat

Hi Sally.

I'm an atheist that participates in AA. There even are agnostic AA steps that allows me to work the 12 steps. Although I lack faith in God or HP's, it dose not prevent me from joining in fellowship with other AA's. In fact I have found other atheist AAers that offer encourage for me to grow within the AA program.

Check-out the link below. We as atheist and agnostics are not just a few overlooked AA members. There are many of us in the AA program.

AA Agnostics of the San Fransisco Bay Area

Sapling

Hey Zencat..I've heard about this...But have yet to see it...Are these a different set of steps approved by AA?

Zencat

I don't think the Agnostic AA 12 Steps are approved by AA. They are approved by those that work a 12 step spiritual program that is secular in nature. I feel the 'We Agnostic' and 'Freethinkers' groups do barrow heavily from the AA program. Helping those that might slip through the cracks and miss out on some much needed support the newbies in recovery may need. After all its all about helping people get free from the hell that addiction can be.

Zencat

Sapling, here is a bit more info on what we agnostics/atheist do within these AA groups.

From: agnosticAAnyc.org Frequently Asked Questions

"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking." - The Third Tradition

Sally1009

Sapling: Thanks for your kind words. (I'm not called Ing, btw -that was a typo!)
Yes, I'm definitely going to go back to AA, and find another sponsor who is more on my wavelength.
I do have a problem with the spiritual side - always did. I would love to have a faith, and have tried many times to. But at heart I'm an empiricist. Prayer didn't save my husband, prayer doesn't stop billions of children dying from hunger. The only power prayer gives, in my view, is that it somehow focuses one's intention, and that is its main value.
I can accept I am powerless over alcohol - and the remedy is a power greater than myself - i.e the force of goodwill in the rooms. But the really difficult step is Step three. If my HP is the rooms, how on earth do I turn myself and my will over to other people?
Anyway, I shall keep on, as I do better going to AA than not.

Zencat: Thank you for the link. I wish we had something like that where I live (southernmost rural England - it sounds good. I might try the online meetings.

Sapling

Thanks Zencat...I couldn't possibly agree with you more on that....If doing jumping jacks stopped people from killing themselves I'd be encouraging them to do it...Those steps look a lot like using the group as your HP...Which I have a few people in my HG have shared they did...And they went on to tweak their own concept of an HP as they went along...Not that you'd even have to...Those steps mention the collective wisdom and resources of those who have searched before us. I can only say...That I use that too...
I think it's fantastic...Too many people have died thinking if God won't save you...Or there is no God....You can't use the 12 steps...That's not the case....It's all about having faith...That's all you need...If you have enough faith in anything that you think can help you...not talking about a lightbulb or a doorknob here...But if you have pure 100% faith...In that something that can help you...That something that can help you will.
I have absolute faith in God...And I'm not afraid to admit that...That's my something that can help me...And help me help others. And a lot of people use God as there their HP...Funny thing is...Every one of us that does...Has a different view of what that God is...Everyone's understanding of God is unique to that person...Just like every group would be....So for me..I just have to have faith...The hardest part about trusting my HP...Is trusting my HP. So I wish everyone to have faith in something that can help them...But remember....Faith without works is dead....I definitely have faith in those 12 steps....I wish they could be taught to children in grade school....But for some reason....I had to be blessed with alcoholism to find them...And I payed my dues to experience them.

Sapling

I'll stick with Sally...I'm happy you will give it another shot..Just keep an open mind...And never give up hope. Let us know how you are doing..I think a sponsor with your same wavelength could introduce you to more people with that wavelength...And you could truly enjoy the fellowship..And that would be great for you...

Sapling

I like this step 3 that Zencat posted...

3. Made a decision to entrust our will and our lives to the care of the collective wisdom and resources of those who have searched before us.

Which for me would be faith that they will not lead you in the wrong direction...Kind of like the faith I have in my HP...

Sally1009

Yes, I like that version of step 3, Sapling. It makes a lot more sense.

Sapling

It's all about progress Sally..I even got your name right...

PaperDolls

We call that progress Sapling.



Sally -- just wanted to say I've been following this thread, and others you've posted, and I'm glad to see you doing better. Keep working at this recovery deal, you can do it!

Sally1009

Thank you Paperdolls. You're very kind. I certainly feel better since I stopped the drinking-though I still feel very down emotionally. Maybe that's the aftermath, maybe not....

Sapling

I felt that too Sally...It was nothing like the lonliness and misery I felt the last two years of my drinking was...This feeling you have now..Will go away...

Sally1009

I hope it does go away. Alas depression is an old companion of mine. But having company helps. That's why I have been reluctant to let go of my sponsor as she is part of a group of people that did nice things together: theatre, lunches etc. being alone most of the day in this big old house of mine is horrible. And the evenings are hell unless I go to a meeting. I go to bed at 8pm coz I can't bear to sit in the lounge where my husband and I would chat so happily.
Enough of the self pity however. I'm just trying to say that too much free time on my own leads me into danger..