Sally1009

This may sound completely insane, but I'm realy frightened right now. I'm a widow living with my youngest son of 24. We had to get lodgers to make ends meet, and this new guy seems ok- looks a little weird but he is hovering on the landing, and I'm in bed, having alas been drinking. Is it weird that I'm scared that the new lodger is a psycho- killer axe- murderer waiting outside my bedroom waiting to kill me?

vichloe

Does he have a hachet in his hand?

laurie6781

Since you say you are still drinking, NO. What it tells me that your continued use of alcohol is making you paranoid, and yes that is a symptom of alcohol dependency.

At the end of my drinking career I was EXTREMELY PARANOID.

Maybe, if and when you are ready, get to your doctor, to get help in detoxing and to find some continued help to stay stopped.

Now, if it is the lodger that has been drinking, then I apologize for 'assuming'. I would not tolerate a lodger/boarder/room mate in my home that was imbibing as I find them to be 'toxic' to me. I have to clarify that though, as periodically I do get a very 'short term' lodger who I and several other AA folks are slowly detoxing (limiting their intake to hourly and small amounts) to prevent them from seizures until a bed in detox opens up.

So, if it is you drinking, I would suggest that now would be a good time to find help. If it is the 'lodger' that is drinking it might be time to give him a 30 day notice and change your rules for the next lodger to 'no drinking and no alcohol and/or drugs.'

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Dee74

I don't think it's unusual to think that way if you've been drinking Sally.
I hope you'll get some help - then you can reevaluate the situation properly

Maybe check with your son too?

D

Sally1009

I think its ok. Yes, he was hovering outside my bedroom for ages, which WAS a bit alarming, but when my son got home he talked to him, and it turnds out creepy lodger guy just wanted to pay his rent. Strange way to go about it, but at least he wasnt weilding an axe.
I do have a vivid imagination. On the other hand I have felt very insecure since my husband died, and it IS quite a scary thing having strangers living in your house.

dawnie24

He's just being friendly - and your paranoid coz of the alcohol, I get paranoid thinking people are watching me and they going to break into my house ... I get panicky over it. Why don't you try pushing it out of your mind

Cindi74

It most likely is the alcohol. I used to look out my sliding glasss door window convinced the same car was circling around my Condo. Scary. I slept with my phone in my hand in case I had to call 911.

davaidavai

It looks like the case of the lingering lodger has been solved.

MrDavid

Unless he comes off as a psycho I wouldn't worry about it. If this person makes you feel uncomfortable, then set some boundaries. Taking in a lodger is one thing and setting yourself up to be a victim is another. Keep your 24 year old son up to date about your concerns and both of you need to adopt an emergency plan just in case. So I suggest you draft one up now.

Sally1009

All ok in the end. And I am back from the hospital.. They didnt give me anything- I was just put under observation and told to sleep it off. Amazingly all my tests were normal, liver included. I feel very anxious and wound up, and feel withdrawly. Just hoping I can be strong enough not to drink today.

Dee74

Did you ever sort that sponsor stuff out Sally?
If not, I think now's a good time to get back into some kind of a support network.

D

vichloe

Wow! I never know alcohol could make you feel this way! I have heard of drugs making people paranoid but never experienced it with alcohol. Maybe I passed out before I got to that point but that sounds pretty scary.

Sally1009

No, Dee. Its still a mess with my sponsor. She gave me an ultimatu
- that I do this course called the Big Book Study ( pioneered by two men called Joey and Charlie in the 1970s) or else. I have already done most of this course back last summer, and hated it. It's evangelical, and clearly Christian based. It requires at the end of the six weeks that you do steps 4 to 9 over a long weekend, which is just too much for me. I'd never heard of this course before- it's not mainstream AA. But she doesnt seem to know how to sponsor people any other way. She became quite angry with me, and I was very hurt. So I think my only option is to find another sponsor, but thats not easy living where I do..

sugarbear1

That is back to basics AA. Real AA. How a new solution can replace your old solution of alcohol.

I wouldn't be surprised if your lodger moves out soon, he's probably more rationally scared of you than you of him at this point.

Sorry your sponsor can't guide you through the steps through discussion herself, but if this is the ultimatum, grab it with as much strength as you can. Those steps saved my life. I was guided through the 12 steps in 2 days. The 4th step helps you to see your patterns of behavior and how they have impacted you and others. It's a freeing step. Real relief for treating alcoholism. See, alcohol was the solution. Now, the steps can be a solution. Maybe it's time to surrender. Life is waiting for you.

Yeah, AA began with The Oxford Group, which was more Christian than not, but Bill W. was an agnostic before he was given the grace to stay stopped from drinking himself to death. It's about spirituality, not religion.

I am not religious, but I am now spiritual. Try to work the steps as if your life depended upon it. Wet brain is real and that paranoia is a fine line away from wet brain.

I wish you a sober life.
Love n & peace,

MemphisBlues

Sounds to me your sponsor is on track. It also sounds to me at you could really benefit from appreciating the concept of the first step -- that you are powerless over alcohol.

And forget the Christianity crap. The steps simply ask you to be cognizant of the possibility that there is a power greater than yourself somewhere out there.

I was an atheist, an agnostic, anything that was anything but believing in a God, and I do AA and have been sober for what is a miracle to me -- 19 months now.

A Big Book study program isn't off base with AA, it is AA. It's the fundamental core of AA.

Why not just go with it? You joined this site in 2010 and still drink. Maybe someone other than yourself might have a clue to what works, whether you think it's the right way or the wrong way.

Sorry to be so hard on you. I see myself in your post is all. A baseball bat up aside my head couldn't have gotten me to AA until I crawled into the rooms desperate, surrendering to the fact that I couldn't stop drinking and drugging.

If AA doesn't work, pick up on AVRT. Just give in to something other than your way, because I suspect your way isn't working.

Sally1009

I'm not against doing the Steps at all. I just feel they need more time, and rushing through them over a weekend doesnt seem like a good idea. For me to do them properly needs time to be thorough. Also I am an atheist - not even an agnostic, so I don't even have much concept of being spiritual, unfortunately. My concept of an HP is the goodwill in the rooms, no more. Or put another way, I believe in the power of love. But love doesnt always work. I loved my husband with all my heart, but it didnt stop him dying from cancer, from screaming in pain at the end. Morphine worked better than love..

CarolD

Tell the lodger exactly how and when to pay his rent
IE In cash...6 pm on Monday in kitchen.

Hope this will be your time for serene sobriety...
.

ReadyAndAble

Of course, your husband didn't have any choice, no way to rid himself of the cancer.

I'm not in AA, so I don't have any suggestions in regard to that, though logically, if you want to take a longer-term approach to the steps to do them properly, as you put it, then all the more reason to get to work on them today. Otherwise, it sounds like your addiction is rationalizing reasons to just continue going nowhere fast.

I agree love alone isn't enough. It takes action and work—a plan and a commitment to stick to it. So instead of focusing on things you aren't going to do, it might be more productive to focus on what you are going to do.

I'm very sorry for your loss. You have a choice to make today. What choice would your husband want you to make?

Sally1009

I do admit frankly and freely that I am powerless over alcohol. I admit my life is unmangeable. I admit only a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. Step 3 is somewhat harder, for an atheist. For the moment I think I need to 'stay' on Steps 1 and 2 until I sort things out with my sponsor, or sponsor to-be.
As soon as I am back on my feet I shall go back to AA, so hopefully tomorrow. I'm not giving up on AA - it kept me sober for five months in 2011. I just have to find a way that can work with my atheism, and to avoid the fundamentalist/extremist/ cult element.