bagpussgirl

Ok... where to start. I am beginning to think that I have a problem with alcohol. my husband has been saying so for ages but finally I am starting to feel it too. I don't think I'm an alcoholic as such....I don't drink during the day (unless out for lunch). However I find myself thinking about drinking a lot. today I am off work and just knowing there is wine in the fridge is bugging me....can't get it out of my head. I know I can't drink it as I have to drive to collect my son from school but as soon as he's home I will open it as( and probably nip and get more first).

I drink every day and often don't remember the previous evening when I wake up. I HAVE
tried on many occasions to stop drinking but I only ever last a day. I always seem to have an excuse to start again.

My mum was an alcoholic although it was never admitted.

Anyway, there is an AA meeting today at 13:00 and Im wondering if I am brave enough(drink enough) to warrent going to a meeting.

I just needed to share, thanks x

InsertNameHere

I am not sure if I should be the first one to welcome you to SR but heck here I am and welcome!

A lot of people here have said that if you think you have a problem then you probably do and if you want to see if you have a problem try to stop for a while, a week, a month, see what happens.

I know in my case it was my inability to stop despite my intentions that proved to me finally that I have a problem with alcohol. I still have not fixed it yet and man has it caused me some hard times latley but I am still working on it. I would say that the obsession over drinking is probably not a good sign. I know that is how I was, driving home from work with a smile on my face because I knew there was a case of cold ones in the fridge with my name on them. I started to think I had a problem when I would drink on nights I really shouldn't have and started to shirk out of some of my proffesional obligations because I was either hungover or wanted to get home and drink. then I tried to stop and didn't/couldn't and that proved it to me.

But I am sure there will be a plethora of others welcoming you with much better advice than mine. You will get a lot of help here, I know I have.

Again welcome

INH

BillyPilgrim

Hi bagpuss
Go to the meeting, it costs nothing, and the reward is potentially good
As INH says, if you think you have a problem then chances are you have one.
All I will say at this point is not drinking is better for me than drinking was

DayTrader

In AA we use a definition of alcoholic and alcoholism that works well. There are 3 parts to it and a couple "tests" to determine if you're alcoholic or not.

1. Physical "allergy" to alcohol / craving
2. Mental obsession
3. Spiritual Malady

For 1, the craving/allergy...we're looking at what happens when you START TO DRINK (not how often, how much, or when u think about it). We're looking at what happens when you've had one or two drinks. Do you tend to feel you can take it or leave it or do you tend to want more? I didn't have to drink all the time or everyday but once I had one or two.......you can be assured I wanted more. That's the physical CRAVING and it hit me - an alcoholic - just about every time I drank. Non-alcoholics never experience that or, if they do, its very rare.

For 2, the mental obsessions.....we're looking at whether you can stick to your guns when you decide to NOT drink. When you make up your mind to leave it alone, do you always leave it alone? I'd make up my mind and mean it......but usually.....not too much time later......I'd find a reason to drink again anyway. That's what alcoholics do. Normal / temperate drinkers decide to leave it alone and then leave it alone.

For 3, the malady.....we're looking at how you feel during the times you're not drinking. How's it going, in general. Is life calm, is work working out ok, do the relationship problems that you may have had when drinking straighten out, does the trouble stop, is your head fiiinally clear? ....or.... do periods of abstinence kinda feel like doing time, like the pressure's building, like ppl are getting more annoying and driving you nuts more?

Me......I could see 1 and 2 without too much trouble. I had a big denial system in place so it took a bit of practice to get honest with myself before I'd admit those 2 were in effect. #3 was tougher for me to see......but it was reeeally easy for the ppl close to me to see. They would have told you I was edgy, or opinionated... or maybe even unpredictable (great one moment then flying off the handle over something silly the next moment).

Back when I was drinking (and I was sure I wasn't an alcoholic too), I didn't "have" to drink all day long, I didn't "have" to drink everyday, I "could" take it or leave it sometimes, when I wasn't drinking I wasn't always thinking about my next drink, and when I was getting loaded.....I didn't get in fights and yell/scream at everyone. Also, I had a 6-figure 8-5 job, drove nice new vehicles, owned a home, and had plenty of nice caring loving friends. <---Those things, I thought, "proved" I wasn't an alcoholic. I had not considered looking up what alcoholism REALLY is......I just used my own definition that suited me best.

At the very least.....if you're drinking is causing problems than obviously, you're a problem-drinker.

.......I'm guessing what I wrote isn't making you feel all warm and happy inside. It didn't exactly cheer me up when i heard it either. Here's the good news though....there IS a solution to all of it. Want to stop and can't seem to do it......there's a solution to that too. Want to stop AND enjoy life at the same time - there's a solution for that too. Want to be able to go through life and not feel like ppl are always messing with you or trying to get one over on you...guess what, there's a solution for that as well. The solution that worked and continues to work for me is AA.

At some meetings you'll find lots of discussion about drinking and drinking problems....... that's probably not going to help much cuz I'm guessing you already KNOW about drinking and drinking-related problems. At really good meetings though, you'll find a little discussion about drinking and a lot of discussion about the solution that's worked for us.

-------------------
If you're having a hard time identifying as an alkie......most members will generally focus on that part first.....until you make up your mind about whether you have a problem or not and about whether you want to do something about it or not. That part is 100% up to you......as is the decision to do something about it.

If you decide you HAVE a problem and that you WANT to do something about it.....then the discussions will likely switch to just what we did to get to where we are.

......just giving you a heads' up as to how your first handful of meetings will probably go.

**one last point: EVERYone I know was nervous walking into their first meeting. Every person in that room was right where you are when you walk in for the first time. We understand the guilt, the shame and the embarrassment - we felt it too. I can just about promise you'll like the meeting and you'll come out thinking you're glad you went. I've experienced it, I've heard it over and over in person and I've read it over and over on this site.

sugarbear1

Not all alcoholics drink in the morning, lose a job, get a DUI or DWI, or are homeless living in a trench coat under a bridge. Most are employed, very "functional," have a family, and are possibly doing "well" in life. What they do do is drink one in the evening, consider the next, and so on until they "fall asleep" (also known as passing out). Blackouts can occur, or "forgetting parts of the evening" while drinking. Many of us can quit, until we pick up that first drink, yet again.

DayTrader said it well. We drink for the effect. We drink one and can't stop after that "one."

If you think you have a problem, you probably do. AA exists for those who have a desire to stop drinking. If you attend an AA meeting, try to relate IN to what people say. I sat there and thought "I'm not as bad as these people" or "I haven't done that" (yet). Look for similarities, not differences, it could save your life.

I wish you well!

vichloe

Hello and welcome!

I think the first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem. I think some where inside you know you have a problem or you wouldn't be posting here. I think drinking everyday is a problem. Not remembering the previous night is a problem. Most of us here have all had the same problems.

Why don't you try the AA meeting? If you don't like it, that's okay. Hope you keep posting here though, there are lots of helpful people with many years of sobriety under their belt!

jimihendrix

bagpussgirl - I had the same thoughts.

am I a problem drinker? an alcoholic even?

I started reading stories here, and books/memoires - I realized I had a lot in common with everyone else, and was indeed an alcoholic.

The key test for me:
Do you see NORMAL people doing what you do in regards to drinking?

also - Daytrader's post is excellent! absolutely nails it.

Dimmer

Well said:
The key test for me:
Do you see NORMAL people doing what you do in regards to drinking?

As much as I wanted them to, it always seemed to just be me. That was absolutely the first clue for me!

MrDavid

Thanks for sharing. It's great to hear those words, isn't it? The part where we finally admit our alcoholism, I mean. That's the easy part and now comes an even bigger decision, where to turn? Having a desire to stop drinking is one thing, and pursing a course of action is another. So keep up the momentum going and seek out alternative solutions that could solve your drinking dilemma beyond this forum. We have, now it's your turn. Welcome.

bagpussgirl

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I went to the meeting....I have never been so nervous in my life. Everyone was so supportive BUT....

...I drank that night and have done everyday since. Today I have missed my second day of work not because I'm drunk but because I felt so rough and completely detached from life.

I feel so ashamed of missing work.This is not me but I can't help but feel things are spiraling out of control. I terrified of telling my husband that i want to go yo another AA meeting tonight (he doesn't know I've been to any). I'm scared he won't want to be with an alki or that he'll say something like" you don't need AA, you just need to cut down". This would back up the denial that I so often go through.

Thanks again for your support x

deeker

You wrote this a year ago!
bump.

It's a year later from when you Posted this, Have things gotten better or worse? Next year it will be even worse. It's a progressive illness. Give that child the mommy he deserves. I wish I could go back and do it over and get help. And be the mommy my son deserved. He is 22 now and it will never be the same. He will never love me the way he did when he was 4 yrs old. Stop Now!
Now he just resents me. He tells me he loves me but I know he still hurts.

MyTimeNow

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