Colton

Tonight is the first weekend night in four months where I was both well rested and not hungover yet didn't drink. I haven't drank since Friday 8 days ago.


It was rough...I could still go to the store and get alcohol and drink, but there's hardly a point to it at this late hour. It was difficult...I obsessed over this for a good 5 hours. It was painful. I thought about Bud Platinum, which I have never tried...went to the store, looked at it, thought about it.

I suffered for a good five hours and then when I realized that I wasn't going to drink tonight, the pain just vanished. It was like I realized that I wasn't going to drink tonight and then the irritating sensation of my cravings just evaporated. It was like an ice cream headache...it hurt it hurt it hurt, and then rapidly fades away.

I realized tonight that there is no such thing as an addictive voice. The problem is that when we are having cravings, we are torn. We are indecisive and we indecisive about something that is in fact a big deal. When we are trying to make a decision about something that's a big deal, it naturally occupies our minds. It is a very uncomfortable feeling to be indecisive about something that really matters. So our minds will naturally reach for anything that will push us towards a resolution...and I mean anything. So naturally, we develop weird rules or superstitions to make us feel grounded towards one decision or another.

It's not just in alcohol/drugs that people make up rules/superstitions to feel secure on one side or another, it's food and any other addiction...people use New Years and Holidays to do the same thing. People use the month of December as a sugary fatty pig-fest because on January, they were going to turn things around...then people straighten up in January to a strong extreme because "this year is the year I turn things around" then a few weeks later they swing back the other way. People swing back and forth. Every Monday, people get back on that diet and by Friday, they are off the diet. etc. IDK.

It's the indecisiveness that drives me crazy. If someone offered me 1 million dollars to not drink one drop of alcohol for ten years, I would do it and it would be easy.

Other than all that, I am looking for a non-AA (been to AA, don't care for it much) way to make nights like tonight a little easier...because I am not going to lie; I struggled tonight. Succeeded. But it was rough.

Dee74

If you don't care for either AA or the idea of an addictive voice...then maybe SMART or LifeRing will appeal to you - but I have very little knowledge of either.

I hope you'll find something tho because that kind of white knuckling really wears you down...and the more worn down I got, the more vulnerable I became.

D

dawnie24

You did brilliant not drinking that beer should be so proud of yourself - I got beers last night after hours of wanting it but I bought lemonade to I had one can with lemonade and I actually told my bf to pour the last glass away - I turned around and said to him hide the cans away from me I don't want them now... He was very shocked :-D

I haven't been to AA yet but I'd like to go plus to meet new people other than talking on here - its always nice to meet personally with more ppl like myself.

stillsleeping

Well done, man - it's been ages since I white-knuckled it and won. Actually do remember the night; I lay on the bed and had a full on tantrum while my husband cooked me some food. Jesus. I'm 36. But my husband and I never seem to be up for sobriety at the same time, and once one of us caves, the other always follows. He only has to say 'do you think -' and I'm in. I think we're adjusting to the idea of being high-functioning users for ever, and that scares the crap out of me...

BackToSquareOne

The term "Addicvive Voice" is just another word for thoughts which is what cravings are. In mindfulness practice you view the thoughts as a non- judgemental outside observer, recognize them for what they are, just thoughts, and let them pass. Maybe TU can explain how Rational Recovery views them if he reads this. The intense cravings should disappear altogether given enough time.

langkah

Well done on your 8 days, and for toughing it out so well last night.

Colton

Thanks,


It is paying off already. Sure I was miserable for five hours on Saturday, but it is paying off today. I have more money and I am up at a reasonable hour with no hangover. I have no mess to clean up and I will be able to sleep tonight at a good hour so that I can be reasonably rested for work tomorrow.

I did learn that I do need to incorporate more non-drinking, fun activities in to my life...that is a fact. This business of white knuckling is no fun. I need to work on ways of taking the 'sting' out of not drinking..because sobriety is not supposed to be punishment. For a lot of yesterday, it did feel like punishment. Today it feels like nothing but reward...then again, maybe it is just a matter of delaying gratification.

Cat626

Great Job on that first week! I live across the street from a 711 and a deli that they knew me by name. The first few days were tough I just made sure to have what I needed for a few days without having to run across the street for anything. Little things my husband was great and went for me. I was a beer drinker too and I avoided the cooler at all cost for awhile went straight for the coffee. I have music which is a great gratification somewhere to escape to. I turned one of my extra rooms into a studio and spend a lot of my free time there. I am sure you will find something that will pass your time well. As far as the night time goes I take a melatonin before bed. Natural sleep aids have done wonders in my recovery. Rest is key for the first few weeks and when you wake up without a hangover your day becomes easier. Good luck keep it up!

Terminally Unique

Key insight there, Colton. As soon as you make up your mind, the struggle is essentially over. All you need to do to end those "should I our shouldn't I" debates is to make up your mind, not one-craving-at-a-time, but for all time.

That indecisiveness is the addictive voice. Here, I'll demonstrate. Try thinking to yourself...
Listen for the echo. Your AV should chime in with something like:

All this said, it is not uncommon for people to reject AA, which requires doing certain things they don't want to do, and to also reject AVRT, which requires actually quitting. A favorite tactic is arguing over whether AVRT concepts are 'rational' or pointing out that AVRT is just as 'dogmatic' as those Big Book thumpers. Well, it isn't rational, and it is dogmatic. So, by all means, try SMART or LifeRing instead, as Dee suggested. I prefer LifeRing over SMART myself, but YMMV.

hereigo

Tell you what...

Rational Recovery book is the closest thing to a guidebook to self-recovery that I have ever encountered. I have vigorously sought the solution to conquering my addiction for many years.

I have gone to the extreme of living with mystics from India in hopes of trying to stop my addiction. Imagine all the steps I went through to get that point...

Even gurus from India could not cure me with their cosmic influence. (Or more likely, they refused to, demanding that I do it for myself).

For some of us who are wired a particular way, the only way to beat addiction is to stop using. GET IT???

No, it is not always easy.

The RR book is my life-saver.

Terminally Unique

Unfortunately, some people have to try every kind of ridiculous cure and therapy out there before they get it. Out of curiosity, would you have been so receptive to the simplicity of AVRT had you not tried all that other useless stuff first, hereigo?

soberlicious

The gurus get it, that's for sure. Imagine one actually "doing for themselves what they can do for themselves"...seems a foreign concept in today's society.

hereigo

To my friend Terminally Unique:

I would agree that there are many, many different approaches to beating addiction. I would hesitate to call them "ridiculous", because one approach that works for a specific individual (which did not work for another) could work for another person.

But, let's cut to the chase...

Would I have been so receptive to the simplicity of AVRT had I not tried SO MANY OTHER PROGRAMS/ATTEMPTS/METHODS before encountering Rational Recovery and AVRT?

My answer: I do not know.

Certainly, I tried many, many other approaches to solving this problem. And THEY DID NOT WORK. I relished (for so many years) in the pleasure of drugs (alcohol), that until I got my rocks offs over many years and then endured the massive destruction that resulted, I don't know if I would have been receptive to RR/AVRT, say, 10 years ago. But, I do think I might have (...HAD I KNOWN ABOUT IT!!!) Nobody frickin' told me about this!

All that I can say, is that if I encounter another struggling addict in my life from here on, I will give them the RR book. It is pure, simple, and true. If other attempts are "useless", I cannot judge. But, in my case, I need the direct wisdom contained in that book to get me to stop drinking. I have a whole library of books on addiction. They are in my garage, in a big box.

However, "Rational Recovery" is on my desk and next to my bed. In my opinion, the truth about beating addiction has not been presented more directly than it is in this book.

Colton

Actually, what really helped me...what really stopped me from drinking last night was this thought

"You can drink. That is your choice. You are not doing yourself any favors by drinking this weekend, because you are only going to want it just as much or more next weekend. To drink would be a poor choice, but it is up to you."

I think drinking or not drinking has more to do with how we perceive being drunk as opposed to being sober. If we believe that drunk=fun/happy and sober=boring/miserable/punishment and then try and AVRT or willpower our way through being sober, we will struggle over and over again and have lots of relapses. Moods have a lot to do with it too. Our moods influence the thoughts in our heads...if we are bored, then drinking becomes fun and sober becomes boring. So we have to manage our moods and our thoughts.

hereigo

In my opinion, AVRT is NOT about will power (mostly). More so, it is simply about realization, intelligence, and decision.

Will power comes into play, of course.

soberlicious

um, yes and no. Read about AVRT. No struggle. I did not use AVRT to quit per se, but along the same lines. It also mirrors the buddhist practice of observing and letting pass, which is why I currently find it so interesting.

Infinitely easier to manage once I realized the thoughts aren't mine or me. Again, learned from Buddhism stuff, but very AVRTish in nature. And for me, can be applied to much more in my life than addiction.

You might find it's worth learning about.

hereigo

Soberlicious, I concur.

Ahhh...buddhism

Thich Nhat Hanh is pretty cool.

Contemporary Buddhist writer, 85 years old. Life. Mind and wisdom. Minerals and energy.

soberlicious

Beyond cool. Buddhism has been instrumental in my life. I hesitate to label myself as Buddhist, probably for the same reasons I eschew labels related to my addiction, sexuality, politics, etc etc. But I have found applying the principles have greatly reduced my suffering, allowing for more good stuff.

It could be argued that this very thought is indeed your addictive voice. Cool stuff to wrap your head around. You might like it.

hereigo

Soberlicious,

I personally think AVRT has many similarities to Buddhist methods of self-maintanence, and I appreciate you pointing that out.

hereigo

THEOjibway

Struggled but didn't drink. Thats what counts the most. Drink? You'd be in a far worse place where you were that night struggling not to drink. Of course there are alternatives to not going to AA. of course it's not for everyone. For me it saved my life and it weren't for AA. I'd not be here right now posting this. Likely dead or drunk somewhere on the cold streets of Canada.

Good luck with your mission of staying sober. AA or not. It'll be a hard battle but worth it in the end, the struggles will be around for a bit... which is a small price to pay rather then drinking, getting hammered and paying a hefty price for doing so. Good luck my friend